Abuse

2 Samuel 13
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Pastor Colin discusses the relevance of Tamar’s story in today’s world, emphasising that abuse still affects many lives. He aims to convey that God’s word speaks into the darkest parts of our lives, offering help, hope, and healing through scripture, even when addressing difficult topics like abuse.

Tamar’s story unfolds in six tragic scenes. Initially, it depicts Amnon, David’s son, who becomes obsessed with Tamar and confuses his lust with love. Amnon’s friend, Jonadab, crafts a plan to get Tamar alone, displaying misplaced notions of love and friendship. In the next scene, Tamar loyally follows her father’s orders which lead her to Amnon’s house, only to be horrifically betrayed and violated by her brother.

After the violation, Amnon’s feelings turn to hatred, and he cruelly throws Tamar out, leaving her in a state of deep disgrace. Absalom, Tamar’s brother, advises her to stay silent and not to take the matter to heart, displaying a mistaken sense of loyalty. Meanwhile, King David, though angry, does nothing to address the situation, failing both as a king and father.

The final scene shows Tamar living as a desolate woman, overwhelmed by shame. Pastor Colin points out that neither her brother nor her father supported her, leaving God as the one who tells her story through the Bible, ensuring it is not ignored or hidden.

1 00:00:00,520 –> 00:00:02,140 Now, I hope you’ll open your Bible 2 00:00:02,140 –> 00:00:05,480 at 2 Samuel and chapter 13, 3 00:00:05,480 –> 00:00:08,820 there are some stories in the Bible that should make us weep. 4 00:00:09,860 –> 00:00:14,240 And this is certainly one of them. 5 00:00:14,240 –> 00:00:19,240 It’s a story of a woman who was horribly abused and violated. 6 00:00:21,000 –> 00:00:26,000 She suffered at the hands of one of her own family members 7 00:00:26,860 –> 00:00:31,860 and it happened in the household of David the King. 8 00:00:33,560 –> 00:00:36,360 It’s a story that obviously speaks to an issue 9 00:00:36,360 –> 00:00:39,880 that continues to dominate our news. 10 00:00:39,880 –> 00:00:41,639 And it’s very much on my mind, 11 00:00:41,639 –> 00:00:44,980 as I have pondered and prepared to speak today 12 00:00:44,980 –> 00:00:49,439 that this is an issue that will touch the lives, 13 00:00:49,439 –> 00:00:54,360 that does touch the lives of many of us in this congregation 14 00:00:54,840 –> 00:00:58,020 and indeed, across the congregations of the orchard. 15 00:00:58,959 –> 00:01:02,040 Many here this morning will have suffered 16 00:01:02,040 –> 00:01:06,639 some form of abuse, somewhere on that long 17 00:01:06,639 –> 00:01:10,400 and extensive line and scale of awful things 18 00:01:10,400 –> 00:01:14,680 that happen in this often wicked and evil world. 19 00:01:14,680 –> 00:01:17,040 And if that has been your experience, 20 00:01:17,040 –> 00:01:20,720 I want you to hear the word of God this way today. 21 00:01:20,720 –> 00:01:22,099 I want you to have this sense. 22 00:01:22,139 –> 00:01:24,980 God’s word really does speak to me. 23 00:01:26,080 –> 00:01:28,260 And it speaks to every part of my life, 24 00:01:28,260 –> 00:01:31,239 even the darkest experiences of my life. 25 00:01:32,519 –> 00:01:34,959 The word of God isn’t like chicken soup for the soul. 26 00:01:34,959 –> 00:01:37,059 You know, open it up, let’s get a few nice thoughts 27 00:01:37,059 –> 00:01:38,099 to keep us all going. 28 00:01:38,099 –> 00:01:41,239 The word of God in its nature is God speaking 29 00:01:41,239 –> 00:01:45,879 into our lives and into our world as it is, 30 00:01:45,879 –> 00:01:49,559 and that is why a story like this is in the Bible 31 00:01:49,559 –> 00:01:52,080 because stories like this are in the world 32 00:01:52,080 –> 00:01:54,820 and stories like this are in this congregation. 33 00:01:56,000 –> 00:01:59,000 And my prayer very much is that as we open 34 00:01:59,000 –> 00:02:00,459 this part of God’s word, 35 00:02:00,459 –> 00:02:03,760 which is obviously a difficult part of scripture, 36 00:02:03,760 –> 00:02:05,599 but a part that we need, 37 00:02:05,599 –> 00:02:09,399 that there will be help and there will be hope 38 00:02:09,399 –> 00:02:11,639 and in God’s grace there will be healing 39 00:02:11,639 –> 00:02:15,119 in many lives through His word today. 40 00:02:15,119 –> 00:02:16,580 Now, before we get into the story, 41 00:02:16,580 –> 00:02:18,320 let me just mention one resource 42 00:02:18,320 –> 00:02:21,479 that I want very warmly to commend to all of us today, 43 00:02:21,699 –> 00:02:24,520 particularly if the issues that we’re looking at 44 00:02:24,520 –> 00:02:27,960 in the Bible are painfully personal for you. 45 00:02:27,960 –> 00:02:29,199 I want to recommend the book, 46 00:02:29,199 –> 00:02:33,479 Rid of My Disgrace, by Justin and Lindsay Holcomb. 47 00:02:33,479 –> 00:02:36,919 It really is an outstanding resource. 48 00:02:36,919 –> 00:02:39,699 You’ll see that there are a good number of copies 49 00:02:39,699 –> 00:02:41,440 on the table right in front of you 50 00:02:41,440 –> 00:02:45,619 in the Unlocking the Bible bookstore after the service today. 51 00:02:45,619 –> 00:02:47,679 We’ve made that available at all the campuses 52 00:02:47,679 –> 00:02:49,199 of the Orchard because we think it will 53 00:02:49,559 –> 00:02:51,399 be really valuable to many. 54 00:02:51,399 –> 00:02:54,339 Not only if you’ve suffered in this way 55 00:02:54,339 –> 00:02:56,380 but if you know or love someone who has suffered 56 00:02:56,380 –> 00:02:58,839 in this way and I want to say this 57 00:02:58,839 –> 00:03:02,119 I think every man should read this book 58 00:03:02,119 –> 00:03:07,119 because it will give to you a more profound sense 59 00:03:07,699 –> 00:03:12,619 of the pain that is involved in issues like these 60 00:03:12,619 –> 00:03:17,619 for women mostly and also in many cases for men as well. 61 00:03:18,479 –> 00:03:21,940 So I commend this to you it is profoundly biblical, 62 00:03:21,940 –> 00:03:23,699 it’s written by a pastor and his wife 63 00:03:23,699 –> 00:03:26,300 who have wide experience in this area. 64 00:03:26,300 –> 00:03:29,460 It has moving and powerful stories of people 65 00:03:29,460 –> 00:03:31,779 who were abused in childhood as well as 66 00:03:31,779 –> 00:03:34,860 in adult life and who found redemption 67 00:03:34,860 –> 00:03:37,940 at the cross of the Lord Jesus Christ. 68 00:03:37,940 –> 00:03:40,899 So that is available for you as a resource. 69 00:03:40,899 –> 00:03:43,880 Now the scripture that is before us today 70 00:03:43,960 –> 00:03:48,960 is really a story that unfolds in six ugly scenes. 71 00:03:51,039 –> 00:03:53,199 Let me describe them for you. 72 00:03:53,199 –> 00:03:55,639 Scene one, the tormented son. 73 00:03:55,639 –> 00:03:58,360 Verses one and two, Absalom David’s son 74 00:03:58,360 –> 00:04:01,660 had a beautiful sister whose name was Tamar 75 00:04:01,660 –> 00:04:05,199 and after a time Annon David’s son, 76 00:04:05,199 –> 00:04:07,639 that is by a different mother of course, 77 00:04:07,639 –> 00:04:11,839 Tamar was Amnon’s stepsister. 78 00:04:11,839 –> 00:04:14,800 Amnon David’s son loved her, loved Tamar 79 00:04:14,800 –> 00:04:19,440 and Annon was so tormented that he made himself ill 80 00:04:19,440 –> 00:04:22,320 because of his sister, Tamar. 81 00:04:22,320 –> 00:04:26,640 So Amnon was David’s eldest son 82 00:04:27,760 –> 00:04:32,359 and he is drawn towards his very beautiful stepsister 83 00:04:33,260 –> 00:04:36,320 and the language he uses to describe what he feels 84 00:04:36,320 –> 00:04:37,519 is the language of love. 85 00:04:37,519 –> 00:04:39,160 That’s how he puts it, verse one, 86 00:04:39,440 –> 00:04:41,559 Amnon loved her, and verse four, 87 00:04:41,559 –> 00:04:44,480 I love Tamar he says to his friend, 88 00:04:44,480 –> 00:04:46,920 my brother Absalom’s sister. 89 00:04:46,920 –> 00:04:49,839 By the way, Amnon knew nothing about love. 90 00:04:51,920 –> 00:04:54,160 Love seeks the good of another person 91 00:04:54,160 –> 00:04:56,519 irrespective of the cost, that’s what love does, 92 00:04:56,519 –> 00:04:59,519 love always seeks the good of another person, 93 00:04:59,519 –> 00:05:02,519 another person’s best irrespective of the cost to me, 94 00:05:02,519 –> 00:05:03,540 that’s love. 95 00:05:04,720 –> 00:05:06,600 For Amnon, love was nothing more 96 00:05:06,600 –> 00:05:07,820 than getting what he wanted 97 00:05:08,019 –> 00:05:09,600 and of course there are many who still have 98 00:05:09,600 –> 00:05:12,959 that idea of love when they speak about it today. 99 00:05:14,179 –> 00:05:17,839 Notice that Amnon was obsessed with his sister Tamar. 100 00:05:17,839 –> 00:05:22,059 His eye was always on her, she was always in his mind, 101 00:05:22,059 –> 00:05:24,440 couldn’t get her out of his mind. 102 00:05:25,779 –> 00:05:27,739 It’s very clear that Amnon was a man 103 00:05:27,739 –> 00:05:32,739 who lived without God and in the absence of God in his life, 104 00:05:32,859 –> 00:05:35,559 something else took the place of God in his life, 105 00:05:35,559 –> 00:05:37,100 that’s always the way that it is 106 00:05:37,100 –> 00:05:41,220 and in his case, it was his passions that became his god. 107 00:05:41,220 –> 00:05:43,739 They took control and when they took control, 108 00:05:43,739 –> 00:05:47,320 the god of his passions started to torment him 109 00:05:47,320 –> 00:05:48,940 and you would think that the very fact 110 00:05:48,940 –> 00:05:50,459 that he was so tormented to the point 111 00:05:50,459 –> 00:05:52,820 of feeling ill over the way in which 112 00:05:52,820 –> 00:05:54,540 these passions were driving him 113 00:05:54,540 –> 00:05:56,500 would have been an indication to him 114 00:05:56,500 –> 00:05:57,839 that the passions were driving him 115 00:05:57,839 –> 00:06:00,079 in the wrong direction and making him ill 116 00:06:01,059 –> 00:06:04,480 but I suspect that Amnon reasoned 117 00:06:04,480 –> 00:06:06,519 as many still reason today, 118 00:06:06,519 –> 00:06:10,040 feelings so strong as this cannot be wrong. 119 00:06:10,040 –> 00:06:11,119 They must be right. 120 00:06:11,119 –> 00:06:14,140 How many times have you heard that argument? 121 00:06:14,140 –> 00:06:15,799 To justify any impulse, 122 00:06:15,799 –> 00:06:17,239 the feeling is so strong. 123 00:06:17,239 –> 00:06:18,619 It must be right. 124 00:06:20,859 –> 00:06:23,579 If God is not sovereign in your life, 125 00:06:23,579 –> 00:06:25,440 something else will be 126 00:06:26,239 –> 00:06:30,079 and if you allow your passions to get in control 127 00:06:30,079 –> 00:06:31,119 of your life in the end, 128 00:06:31,119 –> 00:06:32,540 they will torment you. 129 00:06:34,519 –> 00:06:35,359 That’s scene one, 130 00:06:35,359 –> 00:06:37,899 scene two, the crafty friend, 131 00:06:37,899 –> 00:06:39,179 the crafty friend, 132 00:06:39,179 –> 00:06:40,019 verse three. 133 00:06:41,000 –> 00:06:45,440 But Amnon had a friend whose name was Jonadab, 134 00:06:45,440 –> 00:06:47,339 the son of Shemeah, 135 00:06:47,339 –> 00:06:52,339 David’s brother and Jonadab was a very crafty man. 136 00:06:53,140 –> 00:06:54,100 crafty man. 137 00:06:55,420 –> 00:06:58,980 Now Jonadab, Amnon’s friends knew him well enough 138 00:06:58,980 –> 00:07:01,700 to realize when something wasn’t right with him. 139 00:07:01,700 –> 00:07:02,899 He saw him day after day 140 00:07:02,899 –> 00:07:04,660 and he was obviously miserable. 141 00:07:04,660 –> 00:07:07,320 The word that’s used here is haggard. 142 00:07:07,320 –> 00:07:10,220 And so he comes to Amnon, his friend, 143 00:07:10,220 –> 00:07:11,420 and he says to him basically, 144 00:07:11,420 –> 00:07:13,920 and I’m what’s up I see day after day. 145 00:07:13,920 –> 00:07:14,760 You look miserable. 146 00:07:14,760 –> 00:07:16,100 You’re obviously not yourself. 147 00:07:16,100 –> 00:07:17,380 What’s going on. 148 00:07:17,380 –> 00:07:18,619 And Amnon says to him, 149 00:07:18,619 –> 00:07:19,440 verse four, 150 00:07:19,440 –> 00:07:22,600 I love Temar my brother Absalom’s sister. 151 00:07:24,059 –> 00:07:26,679 So Jonadab, this crafty fellow, 152 00:07:26,679 –> 00:07:30,279 very bright, but not godly, by the way, 153 00:07:30,279 –> 00:07:32,880 always beware of great gifts 154 00:07:32,880 –> 00:07:34,739 when there’s no godliness. 155 00:07:35,940 –> 00:07:38,500 This gifted man comes up with a scheme, 156 00:07:39,359 –> 00:07:43,799 a scheme that will get Amnon and Temar on their own. 157 00:07:45,220 –> 00:07:48,619 Jonadab’s idea of love by the way 158 00:07:48,679 –> 00:07:53,679 seems to be affirming his friend’s desire 159 00:07:54,059 –> 00:07:57,260 and supporting whatever his friend wants. 160 00:07:57,260 –> 00:07:59,959 A lot of people have that idea of love today as well. 161 00:08:00,959 –> 00:08:01,799 What is love? 162 00:08:01,799 –> 00:08:04,640 Well, you know, love for me to love you 163 00:08:04,640 –> 00:08:06,459 is to support whatever you desire 164 00:08:06,459 –> 00:08:08,660 and to support whatever you want. 165 00:08:09,619 –> 00:08:12,339 That was how crafty Jonadab was 166 00:08:12,339 –> 00:08:14,200 towards his friend Amnon. 167 00:08:14,200 –> 00:08:16,799 But of course affirming what Amnon desired 168 00:08:16,799 –> 00:08:18,600 and supporting what Amnon wanted 169 00:08:18,859 –> 00:08:20,339 was a long way from seeking his good. 170 00:08:20,339 –> 00:08:21,799 It wasn’t love at all. 171 00:08:22,980 –> 00:08:24,559 But we’re of the friend 172 00:08:24,559 –> 00:08:27,540 who only ever supports what you want. 173 00:08:28,480 –> 00:08:30,040 Faithful are the wounds of a friend 174 00:08:30,040 –> 00:08:31,339 who will speak the truth to you 175 00:08:31,339 –> 00:08:33,239 because they love you, 176 00:08:33,239 –> 00:08:36,200 that is they seek your good irrespective of the cost. 177 00:08:37,219 –> 00:08:40,359 Scene three, the loyal daughter. 178 00:08:41,479 –> 00:08:42,880 Verse seven, 179 00:08:42,880 –> 00:08:45,299 David sent home to Tamar saying 180 00:08:45,299 –> 00:08:47,940 go to your brother Amnon’s house 181 00:08:47,940 –> 00:08:49,179 and prepare food for him. 182 00:08:49,179 –> 00:08:51,619 So Tamar went to her brother Amnon’s house 183 00:08:51,619 –> 00:08:52,780 where he was lying down 184 00:08:52,780 –> 00:08:55,059 and she took dough and kneaded it 185 00:08:55,059 –> 00:08:57,299 and made cakes in his sight 186 00:08:57,299 –> 00:08:58,900 and baked the cakes. 187 00:09:00,020 –> 00:09:04,080 Now Tamar was a wonderful godly woman. 188 00:09:05,559 –> 00:09:08,219 She was not only beautiful in her appearance, 189 00:09:08,219 –> 00:09:10,979 she was clearly beautiful in her character. 190 00:09:12,260 –> 00:09:14,340 We see this in what she does. 191 00:09:14,340 –> 00:09:17,859 She goes where the king sends her. 192 00:09:18,640 –> 00:09:22,119 She comes to her sick brother in order 193 00:09:22,119 –> 00:09:23,260 to serve him. 194 00:09:24,520 –> 00:09:27,299 She is a princess in a royal robe 195 00:09:27,299 –> 00:09:31,099 that would have made her stand out in any crowd. 196 00:09:31,099 –> 00:09:32,619 Their dignity and her honor. 197 00:09:32,619 –> 00:09:33,900 Oh that’s the princess. 198 00:09:33,900 –> 00:09:36,239 You see her dress, her robe. 199 00:09:37,700 –> 00:09:42,239 And with all the dignity and splendor 200 00:09:42,239 –> 00:09:44,979 that was hers as the royal princess 201 00:09:44,979 –> 00:09:49,979 she is not afraid to knead bread with her own hands 202 00:09:51,299 –> 00:09:55,479 and to make cakes for her own brother. 203 00:09:57,400 –> 00:10:00,580 Temar is a wonderfully godly woman 204 00:10:00,580 –> 00:10:05,320 but shame is heaped upon her. 205 00:10:05,320 –> 00:10:08,239 Shame that is not her own is 206 00:10:08,239 –> 00:10:11,940 put on her by her brother Amnon 207 00:10:11,940 –> 00:10:13,719 and this happens in three ways. 208 00:10:13,739 –> 00:10:16,460 First, she is betrayed. 209 00:10:16,460 –> 00:10:19,520 Notice verse seven says David sent home to Temar. 210 00:10:19,520 –> 00:10:22,500 That indicates David’s visiting Amnon in his house 211 00:10:22,500 –> 00:10:24,440 and he sends home to Temar 212 00:10:24,440 –> 00:10:26,700 which indicates that Temar was living 213 00:10:26,700 –> 00:10:28,679 under the roof of the king. 214 00:10:28,679 –> 00:10:30,859 Under the protection of the king. 215 00:10:30,859 –> 00:10:32,719 Can’t get safer than that. 216 00:10:33,880 –> 00:10:37,260 And the king says, sending back to his own house, 217 00:10:37,260 –> 00:10:40,099 now Temar you go to Amnon’s house. 218 00:10:40,099 –> 00:10:41,780 So she goes to her brother’s house, 219 00:10:41,780 –> 00:10:43,960 a place where surely her brother’s house, 220 00:10:43,960 –> 00:10:45,799 she should have felt honored, 221 00:10:45,799 –> 00:10:48,119 this was a place where surely if anywhere 222 00:10:48,119 –> 00:10:50,719 she would have been safe. 223 00:10:52,159 –> 00:10:54,340 And she trusted Amnon. 224 00:10:54,340 –> 00:10:57,859 And had every reason to do so but her trust was betrayed. 225 00:10:59,039 –> 00:11:01,599 Think of this, she came as a servant 226 00:11:02,799 –> 00:11:05,700 and her trust was betrayed by the very person 227 00:11:05,700 –> 00:11:07,700 that she came to serve. 228 00:11:09,520 –> 00:11:11,000 Not only was she betrayed, 229 00:11:11,000 –> 00:11:12,359 she was violated, 230 00:11:12,359 –> 00:11:14,400 that’s the word that the scripture uses here. 231 00:11:14,400 –> 00:11:18,900 Amnon verse 12, took hold of her. 232 00:11:19,799 –> 00:11:24,239 So as she was feeding him, he grabs her by the wrists. 233 00:11:25,880 –> 00:11:27,500 And notice how she responds. 234 00:11:27,500 –> 00:11:30,760 And again, you see the godliness of Tefar here. 235 00:11:30,760 –> 00:11:33,340 Verse 12, she answered him, 236 00:11:33,340 –> 00:11:35,840 no, my brother do not violate me 237 00:11:35,840 –> 00:11:38,440 for such a thing is not done in Israel. 238 00:11:38,440 –> 00:11:41,159 Do not do this outrageous thing. 239 00:11:42,539 –> 00:11:45,200 And then notice the two reasons she gives, 240 00:11:45,200 –> 00:11:49,780 as for me, where could I carry my shame? 241 00:11:51,099 –> 00:11:52,460 But she doesn’t stop there. 242 00:11:52,460 –> 00:11:53,719 And as for you, 243 00:11:55,000 –> 00:12:00,000 you would be as one of the outrageous fools in Israel. 244 00:12:00,960 –> 00:12:05,960 Now you see, Timur clearly does know the meaning of love. 245 00:12:06,640 –> 00:12:09,419 She seeks Amnon’s good even here, 246 00:12:10,520 –> 00:12:12,020 as well as her own. 247 00:12:12,020 –> 00:12:16,140 Amnon, don’t do this to me, and don’t do this to yourself. 248 00:12:17,799 –> 00:12:19,359 And then Timar says, verse 13, 249 00:12:19,359 –> 00:12:21,880 “‘Now therefore please speak to the king 250 00:12:21,880 –> 00:12:25,659 “‘for he will not withhold me from you.’” 251 00:12:25,659 –> 00:12:30,559 It’s not easy to know precisely what Timar means here. 252 00:12:30,559 –> 00:12:33,440 I suspect that it was at this point 253 00:12:33,440 –> 00:12:37,820 simply a ploy or an attempt to get out of the room 254 00:12:37,820 –> 00:12:40,000 in which at that moment she was trapped. 255 00:12:41,039 –> 00:12:43,479 Marriage to her stepbrother, 256 00:12:43,479 –> 00:12:47,200 which of course seems to be what is suggested here, 257 00:12:47,200 –> 00:12:50,059 would have been against the law of God, 258 00:12:51,039 –> 00:12:52,780 but perhaps it was the case 259 00:12:52,780 –> 00:12:55,280 that at this moment she is thinking 260 00:12:55,280 –> 00:12:58,219 and therefore saying even a marriage 261 00:12:58,219 –> 00:13:01,739 that is against the law of God would be better than this. 262 00:13:01,799 –> 00:13:06,580 So what is very clear is that the one hope that she has 263 00:13:06,580 –> 00:13:09,479 is that the king would be the person who could help her. 264 00:13:10,679 –> 00:13:12,140 But Amnon will not listen, 265 00:13:12,140 –> 00:13:14,919 and so we read these tragic words of verse 14. 266 00:13:14,919 –> 00:13:18,039 Being stronger than she, 267 00:13:18,039 –> 00:13:23,039 he violated her and lay with her. 268 00:13:24,979 –> 00:13:29,140 So she is betrayed, she is violated, 269 00:13:30,140 –> 00:13:31,859 and then she is excluded. 270 00:13:31,859 –> 00:13:34,059 Notice how quickly in verse 15, 271 00:13:34,059 –> 00:13:36,719 Amnon’s lust turns to loathing. 272 00:13:36,719 –> 00:13:38,659 He said he loves her, 273 00:13:38,659 –> 00:13:40,919 but then we read Amnon hated her 274 00:13:42,340 –> 00:13:44,260 with very great hatred. 275 00:13:45,260 –> 00:13:47,400 So that the hatred with which he hated her 276 00:13:47,400 –> 00:13:49,940 was greater than the love with which he loved her. 277 00:13:51,619 –> 00:13:56,260 And Amnon said to her and the language here is really rough, 278 00:13:57,179 –> 00:14:00,539 get up, go. 279 00:14:00,539 –> 00:14:03,159 It’s get up and get out of my sight. 280 00:14:04,539 –> 00:14:09,539 There’s revulsion in the way that Amnon speaks 281 00:14:10,940 –> 00:14:15,700 to Tamar and she is thrown out like a piece of trash. 282 00:14:17,979 –> 00:14:22,039 And the door is bolted behind her. 283 00:14:23,039 –> 00:14:26,099 It’s a story in the Bible that would make you weep. 284 00:14:28,840 –> 00:14:31,619 Now I want you to notice the response 285 00:14:31,619 –> 00:14:36,619 of the two men in Tamar’s life to whom she might 286 00:14:38,359 –> 00:14:42,380 have looked for help and for comfort in her trauma. 287 00:14:44,039 –> 00:14:47,239 Moving to scene four then, the vengeful brother. 288 00:14:47,239 –> 00:14:48,919 And here we’re looking at Absalom. 289 00:14:48,919 –> 00:14:50,400 How does Absalom respond? 290 00:14:50,440 –> 00:14:52,320 He is her full brother with the same father 291 00:14:52,320 –> 00:14:54,119 and the same mother. 292 00:14:54,119 –> 00:14:56,539 He’s clearly loyal to her. 293 00:14:56,539 –> 00:14:59,400 He’s someone to whom she might have looked for some help 294 00:14:59,400 –> 00:15:02,780 in this trauma that she is now enduring 295 00:15:02,780 –> 00:15:04,559 and how does Absalom respond? 296 00:15:04,559 –> 00:15:05,760 Verse 20. 297 00:15:05,760 –> 00:15:08,820 And her brother Absalom said to her, 298 00:15:09,739 –> 00:15:12,359 has Amnon your brother been with you? 299 00:15:13,840 –> 00:15:17,460 Now hold your peace, my sister. 300 00:15:18,140 –> 00:15:20,739 He is your brother. 301 00:15:21,679 –> 00:15:24,000 Do not take this to heart. 302 00:15:25,940 –> 00:15:30,140 Now for all of his loyalty to his sister, 303 00:15:30,140 –> 00:15:34,039 Absalom’s counsel is tragically mistaken. 304 00:15:35,340 –> 00:15:37,700 Hold your peace. 305 00:15:37,700 –> 00:15:38,700 You see what he’s saying? 306 00:15:38,700 –> 00:15:40,760 Don’t say anything about this to anybody. 307 00:15:42,320 –> 00:15:44,580 Keep quiet and move on. 308 00:15:45,520 –> 00:15:50,520 And then he adds, do not take this to heart. 309 00:15:53,320 –> 00:15:55,460 He is your brother. 310 00:15:55,460 –> 00:15:56,559 You see what he’s saying there? 311 00:15:56,559 –> 00:16:00,260 He’s saying, don’t make such a big deal of this. 312 00:16:01,640 –> 00:16:02,460 He’s your brother. 313 00:16:02,460 –> 00:16:05,479 In other words, it’s all in the family. 314 00:16:06,640 –> 00:16:08,460 It’s all in the family. 315 00:16:08,460 –> 00:16:10,239 That’s what he’s saying. 316 00:16:10,239 –> 00:16:11,380 Don’t take it to heart. 317 00:16:12,679 –> 00:16:13,679 Not such a big deal. 318 00:16:15,020 –> 00:16:16,739 These things happen in families. 319 00:16:18,460 –> 00:16:21,640 The world never changes. 320 00:16:23,760 –> 00:16:27,020 Now, in truth, Absalom knew it was a big deal. 321 00:16:27,020 –> 00:16:28,479 In fact, so big that 322 00:16:28,479 –> 00:16:31,039 as you’ll see if you read on to the end of the chapter, 323 00:16:31,039 –> 00:16:33,380 he actually took the law into his own hands 324 00:16:33,380 –> 00:16:35,619 and killed Amnon. 325 00:16:35,619 –> 00:16:38,580 And verse 32 tells us that he determined in his heart 326 00:16:38,580 –> 00:16:40,059 that he’d do it on the very day 327 00:16:40,059 –> 00:16:43,039 that Amnon violated his sister Tamar. 328 00:16:44,799 –> 00:16:47,979 But what help is that to Tamar? 329 00:16:47,979 –> 00:16:52,140 Absalom should have confronted Amnon with the truth. 330 00:16:52,140 –> 00:16:53,820 But you see verse 22, 331 00:16:53,820 –> 00:16:55,780 he never spoke a word to Amnon, 332 00:16:55,780 –> 00:16:57,380 either good or bad. 333 00:16:57,380 –> 00:16:59,020 He simply ignored him. 334 00:17:00,280 –> 00:17:02,580 And hatred then burned in his heart 335 00:17:02,580 –> 00:17:05,380 towards Amnon for two whole years. 336 00:17:05,380 –> 00:17:06,300 And in the end, 337 00:17:06,300 –> 00:17:10,099 the hatred that had smoldered there 338 00:17:10,099 –> 00:17:13,020 led to the murder of Amnon. 339 00:17:13,020 –> 00:17:18,020 And that then set the seeds of Absalom’s own destruction 340 00:17:18,020 –> 00:17:19,780 in a chain of events that will follow, 341 00:17:19,780 –> 00:17:21,280 God willing in these coming weeks, 342 00:17:21,280 –> 00:17:22,280 a tragic story. 343 00:17:24,180 –> 00:17:26,219 So no help for Tamar with the brother 344 00:17:26,219 –> 00:17:28,900 who was so loyal to her. 345 00:17:30,540 –> 00:17:32,339 What about our father? 346 00:17:32,339 –> 00:17:33,900 What help might she get there? 347 00:17:33,900 –> 00:17:36,260 Scene five, the passive father. 348 00:17:36,260 –> 00:17:37,260 Verse 21. 349 00:17:37,260 –> 00:17:41,699 When King David heard of all these things. 350 00:17:42,660 –> 00:17:44,319 He was very angry. 351 00:17:46,020 –> 00:17:47,819 Now the whole of this story, of course, 352 00:17:47,819 –> 00:17:49,180 revolves around David. 353 00:17:49,180 –> 00:17:53,859 This is the account in Scripture of the Kingship of David. 354 00:17:53,859 –> 00:17:57,219 And that is why it’s very significant in verse one. 355 00:17:57,219 –> 00:17:59,920 Ammon is introduced as David’s son. 356 00:17:59,920 –> 00:18:03,579 Absalom is introduced verse one as David’s son again. 357 00:18:03,579 –> 00:18:05,939 It’s laid out so we don’t miss the point. 358 00:18:05,939 –> 00:18:10,359 Jonadab, verse three, is the son of David’s brother. 359 00:18:10,479 –> 00:18:15,280 Tamar is David’s daughter, and she lives in David’s house. 360 00:18:16,359 –> 00:18:17,880 So once you got that clear in your mind, 361 00:18:17,880 –> 00:18:20,719 the obvious question at this point in the story then is, 362 00:18:20,719 –> 00:18:24,199 what then will David do about this outrage? 363 00:18:24,199 –> 00:18:26,800 That’s the word the Bible uses in his own family, 364 00:18:26,800 –> 00:18:28,359 not to mention his own kingdom. 365 00:18:30,119 –> 00:18:32,239 And we are told that David was very angry. 366 00:18:33,319 –> 00:18:35,400 And what did he do? 367 00:18:35,400 –> 00:18:37,400 Absolutely nothing. 368 00:18:38,219 –> 00:18:41,219 Absolutely nothing. 369 00:18:43,000 –> 00:18:45,959 David does nothing to discipline his son. 370 00:18:46,959 –> 00:18:50,079 He does nothing to comfort his daughter. 371 00:18:51,079 –> 00:18:52,859 He does not even bring his daughter home. 372 00:18:52,859 –> 00:18:55,599 She ends up in the home of Absalom. 373 00:18:57,800 –> 00:18:59,000 Of course the point is often made 374 00:18:59,000 –> 00:19:01,040 that David would not have felt 375 00:19:01,040 –> 00:19:03,040 that he was in a position to deal with 376 00:19:03,040 –> 00:19:04,500 the sin of his son, Amnon, 377 00:19:04,500 –> 00:19:07,000 because he would’ve seen a reflection 378 00:19:07,040 –> 00:19:08,579 of his own sin with Bathsheba 379 00:19:08,579 –> 00:19:11,599 being repeated in the actions of his son. 380 00:19:11,599 –> 00:19:15,000 And indeed, the parallel is very pointed 381 00:19:15,000 –> 00:19:17,359 in the way that the Bible tells the story. 382 00:19:17,359 –> 00:19:18,560 In chapter 11, 383 00:19:18,560 –> 00:19:20,599 we were told very clearly 384 00:19:20,599 –> 00:19:23,319 that Bathsheba was a beautiful woman, 385 00:19:23,319 –> 00:19:24,959 and you can’t miss the parallel 386 00:19:24,959 –> 00:19:26,439 when in the beginning of this chapter 387 00:19:26,439 –> 00:19:29,339 we’re told that Tamar was a beautiful sister. 388 00:19:31,280 –> 00:19:32,640 How painful, indeed, 389 00:19:32,640 –> 00:19:35,319 for David to see his own lusts 390 00:19:35,319 –> 00:19:36,719 reproduced in his son 391 00:19:36,719 –> 00:19:38,380 to even worse effect, 392 00:19:40,160 –> 00:19:42,560 but that is no excuse for David! 393 00:19:43,859 –> 00:19:46,739 As a father, he has a duty of discipline 394 00:19:46,739 –> 00:19:47,839 towards his son, 395 00:19:47,839 –> 00:19:49,660 and he has a duty of love 396 00:19:49,660 –> 00:19:50,680 towards his daughter, 397 00:19:50,680 –> 00:19:52,560 and he fails in both completely! 398 00:19:54,160 –> 00:19:55,500 And David’s failure here 399 00:19:55,500 –> 00:19:57,520 leaves Amnon without discipline, 400 00:19:58,479 –> 00:20:02,500 it leaves Tamar without either justice or comfort, 401 00:20:02,500 –> 00:20:03,880 and it opens the door 402 00:20:03,880 –> 00:20:05,319 in time for Absalom 403 00:20:05,380 –> 00:20:07,660 to take the law into his own hands, 404 00:20:07,660 –> 00:20:08,979 bringing great destruction, 405 00:20:08,979 –> 00:20:11,719 even further destruction to this family line. 406 00:20:13,339 –> 00:20:15,280 So, you see as you look at the response 407 00:20:15,280 –> 00:20:17,119 of the two men 408 00:20:17,119 –> 00:20:19,099 to whom Tamar might have looked 409 00:20:19,099 –> 00:20:21,560 at this point in her life, 410 00:20:21,560 –> 00:20:23,959 that neither of them faces the truth, 411 00:20:23,959 –> 00:20:25,599 they both avoid it, 412 00:20:25,599 –> 00:20:27,319 Absalom hides it, 413 00:20:27,319 –> 00:20:30,400 David simply ignores it, 414 00:20:30,400 –> 00:20:32,040 and it leaves you asking the question, 415 00:20:32,040 –> 00:20:34,579 then will anyone tell the story 416 00:20:34,579 –> 00:20:36,800 of what has happened to Tamar? 417 00:20:37,699 –> 00:20:39,640 Or is everyone going to cover this up 418 00:20:39,640 –> 00:20:41,060 and simply move on? 419 00:20:43,479 –> 00:20:46,180 And here we are sitting with our Bibles 420 00:20:46,180 –> 00:20:49,300 3000 years later, 421 00:20:49,300 –> 00:20:51,280 and the answer to the question, 422 00:20:51,280 –> 00:20:53,199 will anyone tell the truth 423 00:20:53,199 –> 00:20:54,760 about what happened to Tamar, 424 00:20:54,760 –> 00:20:56,099 is yes, God will, 425 00:20:57,439 –> 00:20:58,280 God will. 426 00:20:59,540 –> 00:21:01,520 Not her brother, not her father, 427 00:21:01,520 –> 00:21:03,119 hide and cover. 428 00:21:04,959 –> 00:21:06,800 But God will not ignore 429 00:21:08,439 –> 00:21:10,199 and God will not hide 430 00:21:11,819 –> 00:21:15,540 what has happened to his dearly loved daughter. 431 00:21:15,540 –> 00:21:19,040 God tells her story when no one else will. 432 00:21:20,439 –> 00:21:22,239 And when he breathes out his word 433 00:21:22,239 –> 00:21:23,939 he includes in it this, 434 00:21:23,939 –> 00:21:27,880 this is what happened to my daughter Tamar, 435 00:21:27,880 –> 00:21:29,800 I will not allow it to be hidden 436 00:21:29,800 –> 00:21:32,959 and I will not allow it to be ignored. 437 00:21:35,560 –> 00:21:38,060 Scene six, the desolate woman. 438 00:21:40,640 –> 00:21:44,900 Verse 19, and Tamar put ashes on her head. 439 00:21:44,900 –> 00:21:46,660 Try and picture that. 440 00:21:46,660 –> 00:21:50,839 A heap of ash and she puts her hand into this heap of ash 441 00:21:50,839 –> 00:21:53,680 and she rubs it into her own hair. 442 00:21:56,239 –> 00:21:58,579 She puts ash in her hair, 443 00:21:58,579 –> 00:22:02,839 she tears this long robe, that’s the Princess’s robe 444 00:22:02,839 –> 00:22:05,000 of the royal robe that she wore, 445 00:22:05,920 –> 00:22:09,500 the one that distinguished her and dignified her, 446 00:22:09,500 –> 00:22:14,319 she tore it and she laid her hand on her head 447 00:22:14,319 –> 00:22:17,599 and she went away crying aloud as she went. 448 00:22:18,599 –> 00:22:22,000 So Tamar lived a desolate woman 449 00:22:23,040 –> 00:22:26,619 in her brother Absalom’s house. 450 00:22:27,619 –> 00:22:31,060 I want you to try and take in, 451 00:22:31,060 –> 00:22:33,400 at least in some degree from what we’re told 452 00:22:33,400 –> 00:22:38,400 in the scripture here, the pain of this godly woman. 453 00:22:40,680 –> 00:22:44,819 She feels so wretched about what was done to her 454 00:22:44,819 –> 00:22:47,439 that she puts ash in her own hair. 455 00:22:50,400 –> 00:22:52,660 You see what’s happening here? 456 00:22:52,920 –> 00:22:54,359 You see what’s happening here? 457 00:22:55,640 –> 00:23:00,640 This beautiful woman who has been treated like trash 458 00:23:03,160 –> 00:23:06,219 is now treating herself like trash as well. 459 00:23:08,560 –> 00:23:13,560 She disfigures her own beauty by putting ash in her hair. 460 00:23:15,839 –> 00:23:18,219 She tears the royal robe 461 00:23:19,359 –> 00:23:22,599 that was the sign of her dignity and of her position 462 00:23:22,800 –> 00:23:26,780 and of her honor and she no longer feels worthy to wear it. 463 00:23:26,780 –> 00:23:28,319 It doesn’t mean a thing to her. 464 00:23:29,640 –> 00:23:31,780 And she puts her head in her hands 465 00:23:33,079 –> 00:23:34,719 and she cries out with pain. 466 00:23:36,400 –> 00:23:40,800 She feels completely and utterly worthless. 467 00:23:42,760 –> 00:23:46,479 And this sense of shame that had been heaped upon her 468 00:23:46,479 –> 00:23:49,479 as she was betrayed and violated and then excluded, 469 00:23:50,479 –> 00:23:52,739 it stays with her. 470 00:23:52,739 –> 00:23:54,359 That’s the significance of the phrase, 471 00:23:54,359 –> 00:23:59,000 she lived as a desolate woman. 472 00:24:00,619 –> 00:24:02,500 There are some words in the book of Job 473 00:24:02,500 –> 00:24:05,479 that speak I think to the experience 474 00:24:05,479 –> 00:24:08,199 of a person who has been abused. 475 00:24:08,199 –> 00:24:10,920 And the book of Job is especially helpful for this reason. 476 00:24:10,920 –> 00:24:13,079 Remember Job was a righteous man. 477 00:24:13,079 –> 00:24:16,400 He suffered greatly but his suffering was not on account 478 00:24:16,400 –> 00:24:18,560 of anything that he had done wrong. 479 00:24:20,119 –> 00:24:23,199 And Job says this, the innocent sufferer, 480 00:24:23,199 –> 00:24:24,479 and he says this, 481 00:24:24,479 –> 00:24:29,040 even if I am innocent, I cannot lift my head 482 00:24:29,040 –> 00:24:31,180 for I am full of shame 483 00:24:32,439 –> 00:24:36,020 and drowned in my affliction. 484 00:24:37,939 –> 00:24:39,719 Well, that’s where Tamar was. 485 00:24:41,979 –> 00:24:44,180 And maybe you know what that is like too. 486 00:24:44,859 –> 00:24:47,660 Tamar had done nothing wrong, 487 00:24:47,660 –> 00:24:50,619 but shame was heaped upon her 488 00:24:50,619 –> 00:24:53,060 and she felt the weight of it. 489 00:24:53,060 –> 00:24:56,579 And the great unanswered question that she asks 490 00:24:56,579 –> 00:24:59,380 right at the center of this story in verse 13 491 00:24:59,380 –> 00:25:03,859 is where could I carry my shame? 492 00:25:03,859 –> 00:25:05,939 I’m living under this. 493 00:25:05,939 –> 00:25:07,939 And where can I go with it? 494 00:25:07,939 –> 00:25:09,680 Where can I take it? 495 00:25:09,680 –> 00:25:11,439 What can I do with it? 496 00:25:11,439 –> 00:25:14,079 That which has been heaped upon me 497 00:25:14,339 –> 00:25:18,280 is outrageous act. 498 00:25:18,280 –> 00:25:20,739 Well, you see no one in David’s house 499 00:25:20,739 –> 00:25:24,619 could answer Tamar’s question. 500 00:25:24,619 –> 00:25:27,420 Amnon had abused her, 501 00:25:27,420 –> 00:25:29,939 Absalom had silenced her 502 00:25:29,939 –> 00:25:33,479 and David had ignored her. 503 00:25:33,479 –> 00:25:38,819 And so in scene 6 Tamar is a desolate woman 504 00:25:38,819 –> 00:25:41,020 and then she’s living under the weight of the shame 505 00:25:41,020 –> 00:25:42,219 and she didn’t know what to do with it 506 00:25:42,319 –> 00:25:48,280 and the question of course is, 507 00:25:48,280 –> 00:25:52,000 will this be the end for her? 508 00:25:52,000 –> 00:25:54,380 Is scene 6, the desolate woman, 509 00:25:54,380 –> 00:25:57,160 the end of Tamar’s story? 510 00:25:57,160 –> 00:26:01,680 Will she live like this forever 511 00:26:01,680 –> 00:26:08,719 or will there be a seventh scene in Tamar’s life? 512 00:26:08,760 –> 00:26:13,560 Can there be a scene 7 for you 513 00:26:13,560 –> 00:26:16,939 when you feel that you are drowning in your own affliction 514 00:26:16,939 –> 00:26:18,739 and can hardly lift your head 515 00:26:18,739 –> 00:26:21,040 because you have a sense of shame 516 00:26:21,040 –> 00:26:25,699 that has been heaped upon you? 517 00:26:25,699 –> 00:26:30,699 Well, I want to point in this last part of the message 518 00:26:30,699 –> 00:26:34,880 that is by far the most important. 519 00:26:34,880 –> 00:26:38,699 I want you to see how Tamar’s story 520 00:26:38,699 –> 00:26:43,359 points very directly to the story of our Lord Jesus Christ. 521 00:26:43,359 –> 00:26:47,719 In fact, the parallels are stunning. 522 00:26:47,719 –> 00:26:50,359 And I want you to see that in Jesus Christ 523 00:26:50,359 –> 00:26:52,800 there is a better ending for Tamar 524 00:26:52,800 –> 00:26:55,719 and a better ending for your story 525 00:26:55,719 –> 00:27:00,420 than anything that is found in 2 Samuel and chapter 13. 526 00:27:01,060 –> 00:27:04,319 I wonder if you have noticed the parallels 527 00:27:04,359 –> 00:27:06,560 between the story of Tamar 528 00:27:06,560 –> 00:27:10,459 and the story of the Lord Jesus Christ. 529 00:27:11,239 –> 00:27:17,140 I mean, he too was sent by the Father 530 00:27:17,140 –> 00:27:21,219 to a place where he should have been honored and welcomed. 531 00:27:21,219 –> 00:27:22,459 He came to his own. 532 00:27:22,459 –> 00:27:25,180 He should have been very safe there. 533 00:27:26,140 –> 00:27:29,579 He too came as a servant 534 00:27:29,599 –> 00:27:35,739 and was betrayed by one who he came to serve, 535 00:27:36,420 –> 00:27:40,040 one who ate from his own hand. 536 00:27:40,040 –> 00:27:42,160 He too was violated. 537 00:27:42,160 –> 00:27:44,780 He too was stripped and beaten 538 00:27:44,780 –> 00:27:48,859 and spat upon and pierced. 539 00:27:48,859 –> 00:27:50,819 He too was excluded. 540 00:27:52,420 –> 00:27:56,979 Thrown out of the city unwanted like trash 541 00:27:56,979 –> 00:28:01,979 and left to suffer and to die on a cross. 542 00:28:04,060 –> 00:28:05,560 Friends, can I say from the heart today 543 00:28:05,560 –> 00:28:10,060 when it comes to being loaded with shame, 544 00:28:10,060 –> 00:28:12,500 when you have done nothing wrong, 545 00:28:12,500 –> 00:28:17,500 the Lord Jesus Christ can say me too, me too. 546 00:28:19,619 –> 00:28:21,500 And if you will think deeply 547 00:28:22,459 –> 00:28:25,119 about what He endured, 548 00:28:25,119 –> 00:28:29,739 you will come to feel that Jesus Christ 549 00:28:29,739 –> 00:28:34,219 is the Savior to whom you can come. 550 00:28:34,219 –> 00:28:39,219 He knows what it is to have shame heaped upon Him. 551 00:28:40,939 –> 00:28:43,859 In fact the Bible gives very special attention 552 00:28:43,859 –> 00:28:47,280 to the shame that was heaped on Jesus. 553 00:28:47,280 –> 00:28:49,859 And I want to suggest today 554 00:28:49,859 –> 00:28:54,420 that the hope of any person who has suffered abuse 555 00:28:54,420 –> 00:28:58,880 is that Jesus Christ was not overcome 556 00:28:58,880 –> 00:29:01,380 by the shame that was heaped on Him. 557 00:29:02,400 –> 00:29:05,239 You have this in Hebrews, Chapter 12. 558 00:29:05,239 –> 00:29:08,719 Let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, 559 00:29:08,719 –> 00:29:11,520 looking to Jesus, who for the joy 560 00:29:11,520 –> 00:29:14,000 that was set before Him endured the cross. 561 00:29:14,000 –> 00:29:17,260 Here it is, despizng the shame. 562 00:29:17,260 –> 00:29:18,800 Despising the shame. 563 00:29:19,619 –> 00:29:22,099 And He’s seated at the right hand of the throne of God. 564 00:29:22,099 –> 00:29:23,040 What does that mean? 565 00:29:23,040 –> 00:29:25,900 It means this, Jesus had shamed, heaped upon Him 566 00:29:25,900 –> 00:29:27,219 on the cross. 567 00:29:28,540 –> 00:29:30,219 The shame was not His own. 568 00:29:31,880 –> 00:29:36,180 It was put upon Him, but when it was put upon Him 569 00:29:36,180 –> 00:29:37,900 it did not overcome Him. 570 00:29:37,900 –> 00:29:40,199 He was under it. 571 00:29:40,199 –> 00:29:42,500 He felt the weight of it, 572 00:29:43,500 –> 00:29:47,319 but by His divine power, He was able to rise above it 573 00:29:47,319 –> 00:29:49,680 to the point where He was able to look down on it, 574 00:29:49,680 –> 00:29:52,859 and that’s the meaning of the word despise. 575 00:29:54,540 –> 00:29:56,660 And how was Jesus able to do that? 576 00:29:56,660 –> 00:29:59,599 Jesus was able to do that, and this gives us the key 577 00:29:59,599 –> 00:30:01,939 as to how you will be able to do that. 578 00:30:03,199 –> 00:30:06,319 Jesus was able to do that, because He knew who He was 579 00:30:06,319 –> 00:30:07,859 and he knew where He was going. 580 00:30:09,119 –> 00:30:12,099 He was treated like trash, but He knew 581 00:30:12,099 –> 00:30:14,219 that He was the dearly loved Son of God. 582 00:30:15,060 –> 00:30:20,060 He was thrown out, excluded, nailed to a cross, 583 00:30:24,479 –> 00:30:27,400 but He knew that He was destined for the throne in heaven, 584 00:30:27,400 –> 00:30:29,000 and that’s how He despised the shame. 585 00:30:29,000 –> 00:30:31,400 He despised the shame and is seated 586 00:30:31,400 –> 00:30:34,300 at the right hand of the throne of God. 587 00:30:34,300 –> 00:30:36,579 He had the joy of what was set before Him. 588 00:30:36,579 –> 00:30:39,280 He knew who He was and He knew where He was going. 589 00:30:39,280 –> 00:30:40,199 That’s the point. 590 00:30:40,780 –> 00:30:44,439 Now, that speaks very profoundly 591 00:30:44,439 –> 00:30:46,060 into all of our lives today. 592 00:30:46,060 –> 00:30:48,520 Let me try and explain precisely how. 593 00:30:50,560 –> 00:30:52,219 In the book that I mentioned earlier, 594 00:30:52,219 –> 00:30:56,560 Rid of My Disgrace, the authors Justin 595 00:30:56,560 –> 00:30:59,699 and Lindsay Holcomb point out that we all have 596 00:30:59,699 –> 00:31:04,380 to face the perplexing question of identity. 597 00:31:04,380 –> 00:31:05,219 Who am I? 598 00:31:05,219 –> 00:31:06,520 Who am I really? 599 00:31:08,199 –> 00:31:10,060 And they are so very, very helpful 600 00:31:10,579 –> 00:31:12,739 in opening up what that can mean 601 00:31:12,739 –> 00:31:15,079 and how painful that struggle can be 602 00:31:15,079 –> 00:31:17,500 for a person who has suffered abuse. 603 00:31:17,500 –> 00:31:19,180 Am I spoiled goods? 604 00:31:20,380 –> 00:31:22,520 Am I simply a piece of trash? 605 00:31:24,380 –> 00:31:26,260 And they make this point very helpfully, 606 00:31:26,260 –> 00:31:30,199 before you can answer the question, who am I, 607 00:31:30,199 –> 00:31:34,339 you need to ask and answer a prior question which is this, 608 00:31:34,339 –> 00:31:38,739 of what story do I find myself a part? 609 00:31:40,079 –> 00:31:41,359 That is very helpful. 610 00:31:42,500 –> 00:31:45,900 Ask yourself this, as you look at the pain 611 00:31:45,900 –> 00:31:47,800 and the darkness that you may have experienced 612 00:31:47,800 –> 00:31:49,400 in your life, whatever it may be, 613 00:31:50,739 –> 00:31:54,760 of what story do I find myself a part? 614 00:31:56,099 –> 00:31:59,300 Writing to those who have been abused, 615 00:31:59,300 –> 00:32:01,199 these authors say this, and I quote, 616 00:32:01,199 –> 00:32:06,199 being a victim of sexual assault is part of your story 617 00:32:07,160 –> 00:32:12,160 that you should not deny and that you should not minimize, 618 00:32:12,439 –> 00:32:13,280 end quote. 619 00:32:14,800 –> 00:32:17,479 They then go on to say, this is part of your story, 620 00:32:17,479 –> 00:32:19,800 but you do not want it to be the story, 621 00:32:19,800 –> 00:32:22,599 otherwise you will live forever under a heap of shame 622 00:32:22,599 –> 00:32:25,640 and many other things that you do not want to live under. 623 00:32:27,640 –> 00:32:29,900 And so the real question you have to ask then 624 00:32:29,900 –> 00:32:32,699 is of what story am I a part, 625 00:32:32,699 –> 00:32:35,199 of what story is this life a part? 626 00:32:36,400 –> 00:32:37,599 And very helpfully, 627 00:32:37,599 –> 00:32:39,739 this is one of the helpful things in the book, 628 00:32:39,739 –> 00:32:42,900 they point out that the culture actually has an answer, 629 00:32:42,900 –> 00:32:45,099 the culture almost has an answer for every question 630 00:32:45,099 –> 00:32:46,260 and we need to be discerning 631 00:32:46,260 –> 00:32:49,239 and understanding about what that answer is. 632 00:32:50,439 –> 00:32:52,780 Again, quote, in an attempt to counter 633 00:32:52,780 –> 00:32:54,859 your negative self image, 634 00:32:54,859 –> 00:32:58,180 others may encourage you to see yourself 635 00:32:58,180 –> 00:33:02,540 in a story of self-love, self-reliance, and self-healing. 636 00:33:03,319 –> 00:33:05,040 And then they say this, 637 00:33:05,040 –> 00:33:09,520 these replies are insensitive to the suffering person 638 00:33:09,520 –> 00:33:13,140 and they do not answer the underlying problem 639 00:33:13,140 –> 00:33:15,160 of the distorted self image. 640 00:33:16,439 –> 00:33:19,579 How do you receive or give love 641 00:33:20,780 –> 00:33:23,020 when you believe that you are unlovable, 642 00:33:23,020 –> 00:33:25,219 dirty, worthless, impure, and corrupt? 643 00:33:27,319 –> 00:33:29,400 You see, what they’re saying at the end of the day, 644 00:33:29,400 –> 00:33:31,119 the cultures answer that 645 00:33:31,119 –> 00:33:34,339 that you’ve got to learn to love yourself 646 00:33:34,339 –> 00:33:38,079 and that your healing is going to come from inside yourself 647 00:33:38,079 –> 00:33:40,760 and you need to talk yourself up and so forth and so on, 648 00:33:40,760 –> 00:33:44,099 there’s actually a horrible void at the centre of that 649 00:33:44,099 –> 00:33:45,500 and here’s the void, 650 00:33:45,500 –> 00:33:47,300 that the person to whom that is said 651 00:33:47,300 –> 00:33:50,300 is the person who does not have love for themselves 652 00:33:50,300 –> 00:33:52,900 and therefore where is this love going to come from? 653 00:33:54,420 –> 00:33:56,699 Friends, the answer 654 00:33:57,260 –> 00:34:01,140 to the painful issue 655 00:34:02,420 –> 00:34:05,979 of the shame and all else that comes 656 00:34:07,739 –> 00:34:10,919 in these awful issues that are before us today 657 00:34:11,979 –> 00:34:15,979 is not in seeing yourself as part of a new story 658 00:34:15,979 –> 00:34:18,179 that’s all about loving yourself. 659 00:34:19,659 –> 00:34:21,979 The answer lies in finding your place 660 00:34:21,979 –> 00:34:24,860 in the great story of the Son of God 661 00:34:24,879 –> 00:34:27,979 who loved you and gave himself for you, 662 00:34:29,020 –> 00:34:31,080 that’s where love comes from. 663 00:34:32,739 –> 00:34:34,300 When I do not love myself, 664 00:34:34,300 –> 00:34:35,820 when I find the self-loathing, 665 00:34:35,820 –> 00:34:37,879 the sense of I’m just a piece of trash, 666 00:34:37,879 –> 00:34:41,620 it’s to know that there is a love of another kind 667 00:34:43,340 –> 00:34:46,639 that radiates to me from the Son of God 668 00:34:46,639 –> 00:34:49,939 who loves me and gave himself for me. 669 00:34:49,939 –> 00:34:53,659 A love from the Son of God who will welcome you 670 00:34:53,659 –> 00:34:56,959 and who will hold you and will receive you 671 00:34:56,959 –> 00:34:59,659 and will never let you go? 672 00:35:01,399 –> 00:35:02,820 Love of a different kind, 673 00:35:02,820 –> 00:35:05,739 the love that seeks the good of another person 674 00:35:05,739 –> 00:35:08,780 irrespective of the cost that is demonstrated fully 675 00:35:08,780 –> 00:35:11,320 and finally in Jesus Christ who comes 676 00:35:11,320 –> 00:35:13,199 to do you eternal good 677 00:35:13,199 –> 00:35:15,479 and does it at immeasurable cost to himself. 678 00:35:18,020 –> 00:35:20,320 Jesus Christ came into the world 679 00:35:20,320 –> 00:35:23,040 so that your life could be part of a better story. 680 00:35:24,600 –> 00:35:27,760 A great story of redemption. 681 00:35:29,239 –> 00:35:32,280 Of what story do I find myself a part? 682 00:35:32,280 –> 00:35:33,739 That’s the question. 683 00:35:35,699 –> 00:35:37,860 Jesus Christ came into the world 684 00:35:37,860 –> 00:35:40,959 so that there could be a seventh chapter 685 00:35:40,959 –> 00:35:43,159 in the story of Tamar 686 00:35:43,159 –> 00:35:46,760 and a chapter seven in your story as well. 687 00:35:48,580 –> 00:35:51,320 And this Jesus is seated at the right hand 688 00:35:51,340 –> 00:35:55,580 of the throne of God and he lives 689 00:35:55,580 –> 00:35:59,060 so that you by his power may be able to rise 690 00:35:59,060 –> 00:36:02,540 above that sense of shame that has been loaded upon you 691 00:36:02,540 –> 00:36:04,020 and like the Lord Jesus, 692 00:36:04,020 –> 00:36:05,939 find yourself looking down on it 693 00:36:05,939 –> 00:36:08,899 because you’re seated with Christ in heavenly places. 694 00:36:10,060 –> 00:36:12,419 He lives so that shame will not have 695 00:36:12,419 –> 00:36:14,239 the last word in your life 696 00:36:14,239 –> 00:36:18,020 so that you will not live as a desolate woman 697 00:36:19,439 –> 00:36:20,959 or as a desolate man. 698 00:36:21,899 –> 00:36:25,800 Think of that image that we saw in scene six 699 00:36:25,800 –> 00:36:28,979 of Temar rubbing these ashes 700 00:36:28,979 –> 00:36:30,719 into her own hair 701 00:36:32,540 –> 00:36:34,320 and all that that conveys 702 00:36:35,600 –> 00:36:38,639 about what’s going on in her mind and in her heart 703 00:36:38,639 –> 00:36:41,820 and now listen to what Isaiah says 704 00:36:41,820 –> 00:36:44,020 about why Jesus Christ, the Messiah, 705 00:36:44,020 –> 00:36:45,439 will come into the world. 706 00:36:45,439 –> 00:36:47,060 He says this in chapter 61 707 00:36:47,060 –> 00:36:50,040 the spirit of the Lord is gonna be upon him 708 00:36:50,080 –> 00:36:53,520 because the Lord has anointed him 709 00:36:53,520 –> 00:36:55,320 to bring good news to the poor 710 00:36:55,320 –> 00:36:58,120 and what’s this Messiah going to do when he comes? 711 00:36:58,120 –> 00:37:02,780 He will give them a beautiful headdress 712 00:37:02,780 –> 00:37:04,719 instead of ashes. 713 00:37:05,780 –> 00:37:07,560 Boy that speaks to Temar doesn’t it? 714 00:37:09,320 –> 00:37:11,959 What’s the significance of the headdress? 715 00:37:11,959 –> 00:37:13,439 That’s honor isn’t it? 716 00:37:14,399 –> 00:37:16,199 Beautiful headdress. 717 00:37:18,540 –> 00:37:19,560 I’ll crown you. 718 00:37:20,340 –> 00:37:23,439 I’ll take away your ashes Psalm 103, 719 00:37:23,439 –> 00:37:28,139 he will crown you with his steadfast love, 720 00:37:28,979 –> 00:37:31,280 that will be your crowning glory. 721 00:37:32,199 –> 00:37:35,320 I’ll take away the shame that’s represented in your ashes 722 00:37:35,320 –> 00:37:37,239 and your crowning glory will be 723 00:37:37,239 –> 00:37:39,800 that you are loved by the son of God himself 724 00:37:39,800 –> 00:37:42,280 and he will never let you go isn’t that beautiful? 725 00:37:43,360 –> 00:37:45,320 And then think with me for a moment 726 00:37:45,320 –> 00:37:47,780 about Temar with that torn robe, 727 00:37:47,780 –> 00:37:50,260 the royal robe that’s now worthless to her 728 00:37:51,179 –> 00:37:54,280 and that she no longer feels worthy of wearing. 729 00:37:55,580 –> 00:37:57,899 And in the book of Revelation, 730 00:37:57,899 –> 00:38:01,620 we are given this marvelous picture of redeemed people 731 00:38:01,620 –> 00:38:03,399 and particularly we’re told this 732 00:38:03,399 –> 00:38:07,280 that they’re all clothed in white robes. 733 00:38:07,280 –> 00:38:10,300 Here’s Jesus Christ and in your sense 734 00:38:10,300 –> 00:38:13,620 of torn worthlessness, what does he do? 735 00:38:13,699 –> 00:38:18,620 He wraps you around with the purity of his own righteousness 736 00:38:19,820 –> 00:38:21,939 was marvelous gift in the world. 737 00:38:22,959 –> 00:38:25,399 And these people in the book of Revelation, 738 00:38:25,399 –> 00:38:26,840 they’re not covered in shame, 739 00:38:26,840 –> 00:38:28,860 they’re lifting up their heads, 740 00:38:28,860 –> 00:38:30,739 they’re rejoicing with raised hands, 741 00:38:30,739 –> 00:38:31,620 and what did they say? 742 00:38:31,620 –> 00:38:36,540 Salvation belongs to our God and to the Lamb. 743 00:38:37,260 –> 00:38:39,500 And I have no hesitation in saying this, 744 00:38:39,520 –> 00:38:43,540 that scene seven for Tamar 745 00:38:43,540 –> 00:38:47,580 is to be part of that great company of the redeemed, 746 00:38:47,580 –> 00:38:48,820 singing with joy, 747 00:38:48,820 –> 00:38:51,620 Salvation belongs to the Lord and to the Lamb, 748 00:38:51,620 –> 00:38:54,080 and that even now that is her experience, 749 00:38:54,080 –> 00:38:56,979 she is not today a desolate woman, 750 00:38:56,979 –> 00:39:01,620 she is redeemed in our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. 751 00:39:02,560 –> 00:39:05,179 Friends, try and get a hold of this, 752 00:39:05,179 –> 00:39:07,860 Jesus Christ comes into the world 753 00:39:07,860 –> 00:39:10,100 redeeming backwards and forwards as it were 754 00:39:10,100 –> 00:39:11,699 for all who look to him, 755 00:39:11,699 –> 00:39:14,139 that means that Jesus Christ comes into the world 756 00:39:14,139 –> 00:39:16,459 so that the outrage of Amnon’s sin 757 00:39:16,459 –> 00:39:19,560 should not have the final word in Tamar’s life. 758 00:39:20,860 –> 00:39:22,820 And you know Jesus Christ came into the world 759 00:39:22,820 –> 00:39:25,639 so that whatever outrages may have happened to you 760 00:39:25,639 –> 00:39:27,780 in the darkest place in your own life 761 00:39:27,780 –> 00:39:30,719 that they should not be the defining story for you, 762 00:39:31,780 –> 00:39:34,260 but that your life even now 763 00:39:34,300 –> 00:39:38,780 would be caught up into this great redemptive story 764 00:39:38,780 –> 00:39:41,120 of the Lord Jesus Christ 765 00:39:41,120 –> 00:39:46,120 who gives beauty instead of ashes. 766 00:39:47,939 –> 00:39:49,179 Let me in this last moment, 767 00:39:49,179 –> 00:39:52,820 then suggest three uses of this story very briefly. 768 00:39:52,820 –> 00:39:55,780 Number one, use this story please 769 00:39:55,780 –> 00:39:58,080 to deepen your hatred of sin. 770 00:39:59,639 –> 00:40:02,760 I hope that you will feel today 771 00:40:02,800 –> 00:40:05,100 perhaps more than ever before 772 00:40:05,100 –> 00:40:09,360 that sexual abuse in any of its many forms 773 00:40:09,360 –> 00:40:12,659 is a foul and hateful thing. 774 00:40:14,639 –> 00:40:16,159 What we have spoken of today 775 00:40:16,159 –> 00:40:20,260 is a great evil that brings immeasurable pain. 776 00:40:22,159 –> 00:40:23,699 And I want to challenge you. 777 00:40:24,760 –> 00:40:28,280 First, I want to challenge every man in the congregation 778 00:40:28,280 –> 00:40:29,800 and then also every woman. 779 00:40:30,780 –> 00:40:33,479 But first, I want to challenge every man in the congregation 780 00:40:33,479 –> 00:40:38,479 use this story to deepen your loathing of sin 781 00:40:40,159 –> 00:40:42,679 and to increase your compassion 782 00:40:44,260 –> 00:40:46,360 for those who have suffered because of it. 783 00:40:47,179 –> 00:40:49,580 Second, use this story 784 00:40:49,580 –> 00:40:52,120 to elevate your understanding of love. 785 00:40:53,199 –> 00:40:54,600 We live in a world, a culture 786 00:40:54,600 –> 00:40:56,540 where everybody talks about love 787 00:40:56,540 –> 00:40:59,199 and many have no idea at all what it is. 788 00:41:00,479 –> 00:41:02,879 For Amnon, love is just getting what he wants. 789 00:41:04,000 –> 00:41:07,560 For Jonathan, it’s affirming whatever his friend desires. 790 00:41:09,000 –> 00:41:11,159 For David it seems to have been giving his children 791 00:41:11,159 –> 00:41:13,239 whatever they wanted and then turning a blind eye 792 00:41:13,239 –> 00:41:16,020 when things went so tragically wrong in his own family. 793 00:41:17,820 –> 00:41:18,659 What is love? 794 00:41:18,659 –> 00:41:20,919 Love seeks the good of another person 795 00:41:20,919 –> 00:41:23,340 irrespective of the cost. 796 00:41:24,360 –> 00:41:27,600 And our Lord Jesus Christ shows us what love is 797 00:41:27,600 –> 00:41:30,919 as he came into the world to do us eternal good 798 00:41:30,919 –> 00:41:33,520 at immeasurable cost to himself. 799 00:41:33,520 –> 00:41:36,699 And he says to us, as I have loved you 800 00:41:36,699 –> 00:41:39,739 now you must love one another. 801 00:41:42,360 –> 00:41:47,360 And lastly, use this story to open the door of hope. 802 00:41:48,120 –> 00:41:51,260 Tamar asked this question, 803 00:41:52,199 –> 00:41:55,899 where could I carry my shame? 804 00:41:57,639 –> 00:41:59,600 And the answer to Tamar’s question 805 00:41:59,600 –> 00:42:02,719 is you can bring it to Jesus. 806 00:42:04,139 –> 00:42:05,719 You can bring it to Jesus. 807 00:42:07,800 –> 00:42:10,739 And if you have been abused in any way, 808 00:42:12,000 –> 00:42:15,360 a great step of faith for you today would be 809 00:42:15,360 –> 00:42:17,899 to believe that the Lord, Jesus Christ, 810 00:42:17,899 –> 00:42:20,340 can make your life part of a better story. 811 00:42:22,520 –> 00:42:24,760 A great step of faith for you today 812 00:42:24,760 –> 00:42:28,120 would be to believe today, to believe today 813 00:42:28,120 –> 00:42:32,020 that Jesus Christ can make your life part of a better story. 814 00:42:34,020 –> 00:42:35,560 And you can ask Him to do this. 815 00:42:35,560 –> 00:42:36,659 You could ask Him today, 816 00:42:36,659 –> 00:42:39,120 I mean, this is being addressed out of the word of God. 817 00:42:39,120 –> 00:42:41,560 When would you come to Him if it were not today? 818 00:42:43,639 –> 00:42:46,280 And you can come and you can ask Him, 819 00:42:46,280 –> 00:42:47,300 and here’s what He will do. 820 00:42:47,300 –> 00:42:49,899 He will take your ashes 821 00:42:49,899 –> 00:42:52,919 and He will crown you with His steadfast love. 822 00:42:53,639 –> 00:42:56,020 He will take what is torn in your life 823 00:42:56,020 –> 00:42:59,659 and He will wrap you in His robe of His own righteousness. 824 00:43:00,719 –> 00:43:03,280 And He will bring you through time to the day 825 00:43:03,280 –> 00:43:06,520 when you will, in the company of the redeemed 826 00:43:06,520 –> 00:43:10,040 be able from the heart to say with great joy, 827 00:43:10,040 –> 00:43:15,040 salvation belongs to our God and to the Lamb. 828 00:43:17,639 –> 00:43:19,159 Let’s pray together, shall we? 829 00:43:19,379 –> 00:43:20,300 Shall we? 830 00:43:22,459 –> 00:43:25,419 Father, please make this to be a day 831 00:43:25,419 –> 00:43:27,659 of healing as your light shines 832 00:43:27,659 –> 00:43:32,399 into the darkest corners of our lives. 833 00:43:35,600 –> 00:43:40,520 May there be a response of faith 834 00:43:40,520 –> 00:43:45,520 that trusts you to make this life part of a better story. 835 00:43:45,520 –> 00:43:50,300 A better story, the story of your redeeming grace. 836 00:43:52,199 –> 00:43:57,199 Gracious Lord, for all who reach out to you, even now. 837 00:43:59,500 –> 00:44:04,500 Take away the ashes and place on their heads 838 00:44:04,500 –> 00:44:07,260 the crown of your loving kindness, 839 00:44:07,260 –> 00:44:08,620 your steadfast love. 840 00:44:10,120 –> 00:44:12,899 And wrap over all that is torn 841 00:44:13,520 –> 00:44:18,040 the perfect garment of your righteousness. 842 00:44:18,040 –> 00:44:21,860 Wrap us in all that you are for us 843 00:44:21,860 –> 00:44:23,199 and all that you have done. 844 00:44:24,399 –> 00:44:28,100 And bring us to that place where rising above the shame, 845 00:44:29,199 –> 00:44:31,979 we will truly from the heart be able to say, 846 00:44:31,979 –> 00:44:36,040 salvation belongs to our God and to the lamb. 847 00:44:37,100 –> 00:44:39,500 For these things we ask in Jesus’ name 848 00:44:39,500 –> 00:44:41,800 and everyone together said, amen.

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Colin Smith

Trustee / Founder and Teaching Pastor

Colin Smith is the Senior Pastor of The Orchard Evangelical Free Church in the northwest suburbs of Chicago. He has authored a number of books, including Heaven, How I Got Here and Heaven, So Near – So Far. Colin is the Founder and Teaching Pastor for Open the Bible. Follow him on X formerly Twitter.

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