1 00:00:00,520 –> 00:00:02,140 Now, I hope you’ll open your Bible 2 00:00:02,140 –> 00:00:05,480 at 2 Samuel and chapter 13, 3 00:00:05,480 –> 00:00:08,820 there are some stories in the Bible that should make us weep. 4 00:00:09,860 –> 00:00:14,240 And this is certainly one of them. 5 00:00:14,240 –> 00:00:19,240 It’s a story of a woman who was horribly abused and violated. 6 00:00:21,000 –> 00:00:26,000 She suffered at the hands of one of her own family members 7 00:00:26,860 –> 00:00:31,860 and it happened in the household of David the King. 8 00:00:33,560 –> 00:00:36,360 It’s a story that obviously speaks to an issue 9 00:00:36,360 –> 00:00:39,880 that continues to dominate our news. 10 00:00:39,880 –> 00:00:41,639 And it’s very much on my mind, 11 00:00:41,639 –> 00:00:44,980 as I have pondered and prepared to speak today 12 00:00:44,980 –> 00:00:49,439 that this is an issue that will touch the lives, 13 00:00:49,439 –> 00:00:54,360 that does touch the lives of many of us in this congregation 14 00:00:54,840 –> 00:00:58,020 and indeed, across the congregations of the orchard. 15 00:00:58,959 –> 00:01:02,040 Many here this morning will have suffered 16 00:01:02,040 –> 00:01:06,639 some form of abuse, somewhere on that long 17 00:01:06,639 –> 00:01:10,400 and extensive line and scale of awful things 18 00:01:10,400 –> 00:01:14,680 that happen in this often wicked and evil world. 19 00:01:14,680 –> 00:01:17,040 And if that has been your experience, 20 00:01:17,040 –> 00:01:20,720 I want you to hear the word of God this way today. 21 00:01:20,720 –> 00:01:22,099 I want you to have this sense. 22 00:01:22,139 –> 00:01:24,980 God’s word really does speak to me. 23 00:01:26,080 –> 00:01:28,260 And it speaks to every part of my life, 24 00:01:28,260 –> 00:01:31,239 even the darkest experiences of my life. 25 00:01:32,519 –> 00:01:34,959 The word of God isn’t like chicken soup for the soul. 26 00:01:34,959 –> 00:01:37,059 You know, open it up, let’s get a few nice thoughts 27 00:01:37,059 –> 00:01:38,099 to keep us all going. 28 00:01:38,099 –> 00:01:41,239 The word of God in its nature is God speaking 29 00:01:41,239 –> 00:01:45,879 into our lives and into our world as it is, 30 00:01:45,879 –> 00:01:49,559 and that is why a story like this is in the Bible 31 00:01:49,559 –> 00:01:52,080 because stories like this are in the world 32 00:01:52,080 –> 00:01:54,820 and stories like this are in this congregation. 33 00:01:56,000 –> 00:01:59,000 And my prayer very much is that as we open 34 00:01:59,000 –> 00:02:00,459 this part of God’s word, 35 00:02:00,459 –> 00:02:03,760 which is obviously a difficult part of scripture, 36 00:02:03,760 –> 00:02:05,599 but a part that we need, 37 00:02:05,599 –> 00:02:09,399 that there will be help and there will be hope 38 00:02:09,399 –> 00:02:11,639 and in God’s grace there will be healing 39 00:02:11,639 –> 00:02:15,119 in many lives through His word today. 40 00:02:15,119 –> 00:02:16,580 Now, before we get into the story, 41 00:02:16,580 –> 00:02:18,320 let me just mention one resource 42 00:02:18,320 –> 00:02:21,479 that I want very warmly to commend to all of us today, 43 00:02:21,699 –> 00:02:24,520 particularly if the issues that we’re looking at 44 00:02:24,520 –> 00:02:27,960 in the Bible are painfully personal for you. 45 00:02:27,960 –> 00:02:29,199 I want to recommend the book, 46 00:02:29,199 –> 00:02:33,479 Rid of My Disgrace, by Justin and Lindsay Holcomb. 47 00:02:33,479 –> 00:02:36,919 It really is an outstanding resource. 48 00:02:36,919 –> 00:02:39,699 You’ll see that there are a good number of copies 49 00:02:39,699 –> 00:02:41,440 on the table right in front of you 50 00:02:41,440 –> 00:02:45,619 in the Unlocking the Bible bookstore after the service today. 51 00:02:45,619 –> 00:02:47,679 We’ve made that available at all the campuses 52 00:02:47,679 –> 00:02:49,199 of the Orchard because we think it will 53 00:02:49,559 –> 00:02:51,399 be really valuable to many. 54 00:02:51,399 –> 00:02:54,339 Not only if you’ve suffered in this way 55 00:02:54,339 –> 00:02:56,380 but if you know or love someone who has suffered 56 00:02:56,380 –> 00:02:58,839 in this way and I want to say this 57 00:02:58,839 –> 00:03:02,119 I think every man should read this book 58 00:03:02,119 –> 00:03:07,119 because it will give to you a more profound sense 59 00:03:07,699 –> 00:03:12,619 of the pain that is involved in issues like these 60 00:03:12,619 –> 00:03:17,619 for women mostly and also in many cases for men as well. 61 00:03:18,479 –> 00:03:21,940 So I commend this to you it is profoundly biblical, 62 00:03:21,940 –> 00:03:23,699 it’s written by a pastor and his wife 63 00:03:23,699 –> 00:03:26,300 who have wide experience in this area. 64 00:03:26,300 –> 00:03:29,460 It has moving and powerful stories of people 65 00:03:29,460 –> 00:03:31,779 who were abused in childhood as well as 66 00:03:31,779 –> 00:03:34,860 in adult life and who found redemption 67 00:03:34,860 –> 00:03:37,940 at the cross of the Lord Jesus Christ. 68 00:03:37,940 –> 00:03:40,899 So that is available for you as a resource. 69 00:03:40,899 –> 00:03:43,880 Now the scripture that is before us today 70 00:03:43,960 –> 00:03:48,960 is really a story that unfolds in six ugly scenes. 71 00:03:51,039 –> 00:03:53,199 Let me describe them for you. 72 00:03:53,199 –> 00:03:55,639 Scene one, the tormented son. 73 00:03:55,639 –> 00:03:58,360 Verses one and two, Absalom David’s son 74 00:03:58,360 –> 00:04:01,660 had a beautiful sister whose name was Tamar 75 00:04:01,660 –> 00:04:05,199 and after a time Annon David’s son, 76 00:04:05,199 –> 00:04:07,639 that is by a different mother of course, 77 00:04:07,639 –> 00:04:11,839 Tamar was Amnon’s stepsister. 78 00:04:11,839 –> 00:04:14,800 Amnon David’s son loved her, loved Tamar 79 00:04:14,800 –> 00:04:19,440 and Annon was so tormented that he made himself ill 80 00:04:19,440 –> 00:04:22,320 because of his sister, Tamar. 81 00:04:22,320 –> 00:04:26,640 So Amnon was David’s eldest son 82 00:04:27,760 –> 00:04:32,359 and he is drawn towards his very beautiful stepsister 83 00:04:33,260 –> 00:04:36,320 and the language he uses to describe what he feels 84 00:04:36,320 –> 00:04:37,519 is the language of love. 85 00:04:37,519 –> 00:04:39,160 That’s how he puts it, verse one, 86 00:04:39,440 –> 00:04:41,559 Amnon loved her, and verse four, 87 00:04:41,559 –> 00:04:44,480 I love Tamar he says to his friend, 88 00:04:44,480 –> 00:04:46,920 my brother Absalom’s sister. 89 00:04:46,920 –> 00:04:49,839 By the way, Amnon knew nothing about love. 90 00:04:51,920 –> 00:04:54,160 Love seeks the good of another person 91 00:04:54,160 –> 00:04:56,519 irrespective of the cost, that’s what love does, 92 00:04:56,519 –> 00:04:59,519 love always seeks the good of another person, 93 00:04:59,519 –> 00:05:02,519 another person’s best irrespective of the cost to me, 94 00:05:02,519 –> 00:05:03,540 that’s love. 95 00:05:04,720 –> 00:05:06,600 For Amnon, love was nothing more 96 00:05:06,600 –> 00:05:07,820 than getting what he wanted 97 00:05:08,019 –> 00:05:09,600 and of course there are many who still have 98 00:05:09,600 –> 00:05:12,959 that idea of love when they speak about it today. 99 00:05:14,179 –> 00:05:17,839 Notice that Amnon was obsessed with his sister Tamar. 100 00:05:17,839 –> 00:05:22,059 His eye was always on her, she was always in his mind, 101 00:05:22,059 –> 00:05:24,440 couldn’t get her out of his mind. 102 00:05:25,779 –> 00:05:27,739 It’s very clear that Amnon was a man 103 00:05:27,739 –> 00:05:32,739 who lived without God and in the absence of God in his life, 104 00:05:32,859 –> 00:05:35,559 something else took the place of God in his life, 105 00:05:35,559 –> 00:05:37,100 that’s always the way that it is 106 00:05:37,100 –> 00:05:41,220 and in his case, it was his passions that became his god. 107 00:05:41,220 –> 00:05:43,739 They took control and when they took control, 108 00:05:43,739 –> 00:05:47,320 the god of his passions started to torment him 109 00:05:47,320 –> 00:05:48,940 and you would think that the very fact 110 00:05:48,940 –> 00:05:50,459 that he was so tormented to the point 111 00:05:50,459 –> 00:05:52,820 of feeling ill over the way in which 112 00:05:52,820 –> 00:05:54,540 these passions were driving him 113 00:05:54,540 –> 00:05:56,500 would have been an indication to him 114 00:05:56,500 –> 00:05:57,839 that the passions were driving him 115 00:05:57,839 –> 00:06:00,079 in the wrong direction and making him ill 116 00:06:01,059 –> 00:06:04,480 but I suspect that Amnon reasoned 117 00:06:04,480 –> 00:06:06,519 as many still reason today, 118 00:06:06,519 –> 00:06:10,040 feelings so strong as this cannot be wrong. 119 00:06:10,040 –> 00:06:11,119 They must be right. 120 00:06:11,119 –> 00:06:14,140 How many times have you heard that argument? 121 00:06:14,140 –> 00:06:15,799 To justify any impulse, 122 00:06:15,799 –> 00:06:17,239 the feeling is so strong. 123 00:06:17,239 –> 00:06:18,619 It must be right. 124 00:06:20,859 –> 00:06:23,579 If God is not sovereign in your life, 125 00:06:23,579 –> 00:06:25,440 something else will be 126 00:06:26,239 –> 00:06:30,079 and if you allow your passions to get in control 127 00:06:30,079 –> 00:06:31,119 of your life in the end, 128 00:06:31,119 –> 00:06:32,540 they will torment you. 129 00:06:34,519 –> 00:06:35,359 That’s scene one, 130 00:06:35,359 –> 00:06:37,899 scene two, the crafty friend, 131 00:06:37,899 –> 00:06:39,179 the crafty friend, 132 00:06:39,179 –> 00:06:40,019 verse three. 133 00:06:41,000 –> 00:06:45,440 But Amnon had a friend whose name was Jonadab, 134 00:06:45,440 –> 00:06:47,339 the son of Shemeah, 135 00:06:47,339 –> 00:06:52,339 David’s brother and Jonadab was a very crafty man. 136 00:06:53,140 –> 00:06:54,100 crafty man. 137 00:06:55,420 –> 00:06:58,980 Now Jonadab, Amnon’s friends knew him well enough 138 00:06:58,980 –> 00:07:01,700 to realize when something wasn’t right with him. 139 00:07:01,700 –> 00:07:02,899 He saw him day after day 140 00:07:02,899 –> 00:07:04,660 and he was obviously miserable. 141 00:07:04,660 –> 00:07:07,320 The word that’s used here is haggard. 142 00:07:07,320 –> 00:07:10,220 And so he comes to Amnon, his friend, 143 00:07:10,220 –> 00:07:11,420 and he says to him basically, 144 00:07:11,420 –> 00:07:13,920 and I’m what’s up I see day after day. 145 00:07:13,920 –> 00:07:14,760 You look miserable. 146 00:07:14,760 –> 00:07:16,100 You’re obviously not yourself. 147 00:07:16,100 –> 00:07:17,380 What’s going on. 148 00:07:17,380 –> 00:07:18,619 And Amnon says to him, 149 00:07:18,619 –> 00:07:19,440 verse four, 150 00:07:19,440 –> 00:07:22,600 I love Temar my brother Absalom’s sister. 151 00:07:24,059 –> 00:07:26,679 So Jonadab, this crafty fellow, 152 00:07:26,679 –> 00:07:30,279 very bright, but not godly, by the way, 153 00:07:30,279 –> 00:07:32,880 always beware of great gifts 154 00:07:32,880 –> 00:07:34,739 when there’s no godliness. 155 00:07:35,940 –> 00:07:38,500 This gifted man comes up with a scheme, 156 00:07:39,359 –> 00:07:43,799 a scheme that will get Amnon and Temar on their own. 157 00:07:45,220 –> 00:07:48,619 Jonadab’s idea of love by the way 158 00:07:48,679 –> 00:07:53,679 seems to be affirming his friend’s desire 159 00:07:54,059 –> 00:07:57,260 and supporting whatever his friend wants. 160 00:07:57,260 –> 00:07:59,959 A lot of people have that idea of love today as well. 161 00:08:00,959 –> 00:08:01,799 What is love? 162 00:08:01,799 –> 00:08:04,640 Well, you know, love for me to love you 163 00:08:04,640 –> 00:08:06,459 is to support whatever you desire 164 00:08:06,459 –> 00:08:08,660 and to support whatever you want. 165 00:08:09,619 –> 00:08:12,339 That was how crafty Jonadab was 166 00:08:12,339 –> 00:08:14,200 towards his friend Amnon. 167 00:08:14,200 –> 00:08:16,799 But of course affirming what Amnon desired 168 00:08:16,799 –> 00:08:18,600 and supporting what Amnon wanted 169 00:08:18,859 –> 00:08:20,339 was a long way from seeking his good. 170 00:08:20,339 –> 00:08:21,799 It wasn’t love at all. 171 00:08:22,980 –> 00:08:24,559 But we’re of the friend 172 00:08:24,559 –> 00:08:27,540 who only ever supports what you want. 173 00:08:28,480 –> 00:08:30,040 Faithful are the wounds of a friend 174 00:08:30,040 –> 00:08:31,339 who will speak the truth to you 175 00:08:31,339 –> 00:08:33,239 because they love you, 176 00:08:33,239 –> 00:08:36,200 that is they seek your good irrespective of the cost. 177 00:08:37,219 –> 00:08:40,359 Scene three, the loyal daughter. 178 00:08:41,479 –> 00:08:42,880 Verse seven, 179 00:08:42,880 –> 00:08:45,299 David sent home to Tamar saying 180 00:08:45,299 –> 00:08:47,940 go to your brother Amnon’s house 181 00:08:47,940 –> 00:08:49,179 and prepare food for him. 182 00:08:49,179 –> 00:08:51,619 So Tamar went to her brother Amnon’s house 183 00:08:51,619 –> 00:08:52,780 where he was lying down 184 00:08:52,780 –> 00:08:55,059 and she took dough and kneaded it 185 00:08:55,059 –> 00:08:57,299 and made cakes in his sight 186 00:08:57,299 –> 00:08:58,900 and baked the cakes. 187 00:09:00,020 –> 00:09:04,080 Now Tamar was a wonderful godly woman. 188 00:09:05,559 –> 00:09:08,219 She was not only beautiful in her appearance, 189 00:09:08,219 –> 00:09:10,979 she was clearly beautiful in her character. 190 00:09:12,260 –> 00:09:14,340 We see this in what she does. 191 00:09:14,340 –> 00:09:17,859 She goes where the king sends her. 192 00:09:18,640 –> 00:09:22,119 She comes to her sick brother in order 193 00:09:22,119 –> 00:09:23,260 to serve him. 194 00:09:24,520 –> 00:09:27,299 She is a princess in a royal robe 195 00:09:27,299 –> 00:09:31,099 that would have made her stand out in any crowd. 196 00:09:31,099 –> 00:09:32,619 Their dignity and her honor. 197 00:09:32,619 –> 00:09:33,900 Oh that’s the princess. 198 00:09:33,900 –> 00:09:36,239 You see her dress, her robe. 199 00:09:37,700 –> 00:09:42,239 And with all the dignity and splendor 200 00:09:42,239 –> 00:09:44,979 that was hers as the royal princess 201 00:09:44,979 –> 00:09:49,979 she is not afraid to knead bread with her own hands 202 00:09:51,299 –> 00:09:55,479 and to make cakes for her own brother. 203 00:09:57,400 –> 00:10:00,580 Temar is a wonderfully godly woman 204 00:10:00,580 –> 00:10:05,320 but shame is heaped upon her. 205 00:10:05,320 –> 00:10:08,239 Shame that is not her own is 206 00:10:08,239 –> 00:10:11,940 put on her by her brother Amnon 207 00:10:11,940 –> 00:10:13,719 and this happens in three ways. 208 00:10:13,739 –> 00:10:16,460 First, she is betrayed. 209 00:10:16,460 –> 00:10:19,520 Notice verse seven says David sent home to Temar. 210 00:10:19,520 –> 00:10:22,500 That indicates David’s visiting Amnon in his house 211 00:10:22,500 –> 00:10:24,440 and he sends home to Temar 212 00:10:24,440 –> 00:10:26,700 which indicates that Temar was living 213 00:10:26,700 –> 00:10:28,679 under the roof of the king. 214 00:10:28,679 –> 00:10:30,859 Under the protection of the king. 215 00:10:30,859 –> 00:10:32,719 Can’t get safer than that. 216 00:10:33,880 –> 00:10:37,260 And the king says, sending back to his own house, 217 00:10:37,260 –> 00:10:40,099 now Temar you go to Amnon’s house. 218 00:10:40,099 –> 00:10:41,780 So she goes to her brother’s house, 219 00:10:41,780 –> 00:10:43,960 a place where surely her brother’s house, 220 00:10:43,960 –> 00:10:45,799 she should have felt honored, 221 00:10:45,799 –> 00:10:48,119 this was a place where surely if anywhere 222 00:10:48,119 –> 00:10:50,719 she would have been safe. 223 00:10:52,159 –> 00:10:54,340 And she trusted Amnon. 224 00:10:54,340 –> 00:10:57,859 And had every reason to do so but her trust was betrayed. 225 00:10:59,039 –> 00:11:01,599 Think of this, she came as a servant 226 00:11:02,799 –> 00:11:05,700 and her trust was betrayed by the very person 227 00:11:05,700 –> 00:11:07,700 that she came to serve. 228 00:11:09,520 –> 00:11:11,000 Not only was she betrayed, 229 00:11:11,000 –> 00:11:12,359 she was violated, 230 00:11:12,359 –> 00:11:14,400 that’s the word that the scripture uses here. 231 00:11:14,400 –> 00:11:18,900 Amnon verse 12, took hold of her. 232 00:11:19,799 –> 00:11:24,239 So as she was feeding him, he grabs her by the wrists. 233 00:11:25,880 –> 00:11:27,500 And notice how she responds. 234 00:11:27,500 –> 00:11:30,760 And again, you see the godliness of Tefar here. 235 00:11:30,760 –> 00:11:33,340 Verse 12, she answered him, 236 00:11:33,340 –> 00:11:35,840 no, my brother do not violate me 237 00:11:35,840 –> 00:11:38,440 for such a thing is not done in Israel. 238 00:11:38,440 –> 00:11:41,159 Do not do this outrageous thing. 239 00:11:42,539 –> 00:11:45,200 And then notice the two reasons she gives, 240 00:11:45,200 –> 00:11:49,780 as for me, where could I carry my shame? 241 00:11:51,099 –> 00:11:52,460 But she doesn’t stop there. 242 00:11:52,460 –> 00:11:53,719 And as for you, 243 00:11:55,000 –> 00:12:00,000 you would be as one of the outrageous fools in Israel. 244 00:12:00,960 –> 00:12:05,960 Now you see, Timur clearly does know the meaning of love. 245 00:12:06,640 –> 00:12:09,419 She seeks Amnon’s good even here, 246 00:12:10,520 –> 00:12:12,020 as well as her own. 247 00:12:12,020 –> 00:12:16,140 Amnon, don’t do this to me, and don’t do this to yourself. 248 00:12:17,799 –> 00:12:19,359 And then Timar says, verse 13, 249 00:12:19,359 –> 00:12:21,880 “‘Now therefore please speak to the king 250 00:12:21,880 –> 00:12:25,659 “‘for he will not withhold me from you.’” 251 00:12:25,659 –> 00:12:30,559 It’s not easy to know precisely what Timar means here. 252 00:12:30,559 –> 00:12:33,440 I suspect that it was at this point 253 00:12:33,440 –> 00:12:37,820 simply a ploy or an attempt to get out of the room 254 00:12:37,820 –> 00:12:40,000 in which at that moment she was trapped. 255 00:12:41,039 –> 00:12:43,479 Marriage to her stepbrother, 256 00:12:43,479 –> 00:12:47,200 which of course seems to be what is suggested here, 257 00:12:47,200 –> 00:12:50,059 would have been against the law of God, 258 00:12:51,039 –> 00:12:52,780 but perhaps it was the case 259 00:12:52,780 –> 00:12:55,280 that at this moment she is thinking 260 00:12:55,280 –> 00:12:58,219 and therefore saying even a marriage 261 00:12:58,219 –> 00:13:01,739 that is against the law of God would be better than this. 262 00:13:01,799 –> 00:13:06,580 So what is very clear is that the one hope that she has 263 00:13:06,580 –> 00:13:09,479 is that the king would be the person who could help her. 264 00:13:10,679 –> 00:13:12,140 But Amnon will not listen, 265 00:13:12,140 –> 00:13:14,919 and so we read these tragic words of verse 14. 266 00:13:14,919 –> 00:13:18,039 Being stronger than she, 267 00:13:18,039 –> 00:13:23,039 he violated her and lay with her. 268 00:13:24,979 –> 00:13:29,140 So she is betrayed, she is violated, 269 00:13:30,140 –> 00:13:31,859 and then she is excluded. 270 00:13:31,859 –> 00:13:34,059 Notice how quickly in verse 15, 271 00:13:34,059 –> 00:13:36,719 Amnon’s lust turns to loathing. 272 00:13:36,719 –> 00:13:38,659 He said he loves her, 273 00:13:38,659 –> 00:13:40,919 but then we read Amnon hated her 274 00:13:42,340 –> 00:13:44,260 with very great hatred. 275 00:13:45,260 –> 00:13:47,400 So that the hatred with which he hated her 276 00:13:47,400 –> 00:13:49,940 was greater than the love with which he loved her. 277 00:13:51,619 –> 00:13:56,260 And Amnon said to her and the language here is really rough, 278 00:13:57,179 –> 00:14:00,539 get up, go. 279 00:14:00,539 –> 00:14:03,159 It’s get up and get out of my sight. 280 00:14:04,539 –> 00:14:09,539 There’s revulsion in the way that Amnon speaks 281 00:14:10,940 –> 00:14:15,700 to Tamar and she is thrown out like a piece of trash. 282 00:14:17,979 –> 00:14:22,039 And the door is bolted behind her. 283 00:14:23,039 –> 00:14:26,099 It’s a story in the Bible that would make you weep. 284 00:14:28,840 –> 00:14:31,619 Now I want you to notice the response 285 00:14:31,619 –> 00:14:36,619 of the two men in Tamar’s life to whom she might 286 00:14:38,359 –> 00:14:42,380 have looked for help and for comfort in her trauma. 287 00:14:44,039 –> 00:14:47,239 Moving to scene four then, the vengeful brother. 288 00:14:47,239 –> 00:14:48,919 And here we’re looking at Absalom. 289 00:14:48,919 –> 00:14:50,400 How does Absalom respond? 290 00:14:50,440 –> 00:14:52,320 He is her full brother with the same father 291 00:14:52,320 –> 00:14:54,119 and the same mother. 292 00:14:54,119 –> 00:14:56,539 He’s clearly loyal to her. 293 00:14:56,539 –> 00:14:59,400 He’s someone to whom she might have looked for some help 294 00:14:59,400 –> 00:15:02,780 in this trauma that she is now enduring 295 00:15:02,780 –> 00:15:04,559 and how does Absalom respond? 296 00:15:04,559 –> 00:15:05,760 Verse 20. 297 00:15:05,760 –> 00:15:08,820 And her brother Absalom said to her, 298 00:15:09,739 –> 00:15:12,359 has Amnon your brother been with you? 299 00:15:13,840 –> 00:15:17,460 Now hold your peace, my sister. 300 00:15:18,140 –> 00:15:20,739 He is your brother. 301 00:15:21,679 –> 00:15:24,000 Do not take this to heart. 302 00:15:25,940 –> 00:15:30,140 Now for all of his loyalty to his sister, 303 00:15:30,140 –> 00:15:34,039 Absalom’s counsel is tragically mistaken. 304 00:15:35,340 –> 00:15:37,700 Hold your peace. 305 00:15:37,700 –> 00:15:38,700 You see what he’s saying? 306 00:15:38,700 –> 00:15:40,760 Don’t say anything about this to anybody. 307 00:15:42,320 –> 00:15:44,580 Keep quiet and move on. 308 00:15:45,520 –> 00:15:50,520 And then he adds, do not take this to heart. 309 00:15:53,320 –> 00:15:55,460 He is your brother. 310 00:15:55,460 –> 00:15:56,559 You see what he’s saying there? 311 00:15:56,559 –> 00:16:00,260 He’s saying, don’t make such a big deal of this. 312 00:16:01,640 –> 00:16:02,460 He’s your brother. 313 00:16:02,460 –> 00:16:05,479 In other words, it’s all in the family. 314 00:16:06,640 –> 00:16:08,460 It’s all in the family. 315 00:16:08,460 –> 00:16:10,239 That’s what he’s saying. 316 00:16:10,239 –> 00:16:11,380 Don’t take it to heart. 317 00:16:12,679 –> 00:16:13,679 Not such a big deal. 318 00:16:15,020 –> 00:16:16,739 These things happen in families. 319 00:16:18,460 –> 00:16:21,640 The world never changes. 320 00:16:23,760 –> 00:16:27,020 Now, in truth, Absalom knew it was a big deal. 321 00:16:27,020 –> 00:16:28,479 In fact, so big that 322 00:16:28,479 –> 00:16:31,039 as you’ll see if you read on to the end of the chapter, 323 00:16:31,039 –> 00:16:33,380 he actually took the law into his own hands 324 00:16:33,380 –> 00:16:35,619 and killed Amnon. 325 00:16:35,619 –> 00:16:38,580 And verse 32 tells us that he determined in his heart 326 00:16:38,580 –> 00:16:40,059 that he’d do it on the very day 327 00:16:40,059 –> 00:16:43,039 that Amnon violated his sister Tamar. 328 00:16:44,799 –> 00:16:47,979 But what help is that to Tamar? 329 00:16:47,979 –> 00:16:52,140 Absalom should have confronted Amnon with the truth. 330 00:16:52,140 –> 00:16:53,820 But you see verse 22, 331 00:16:53,820 –> 00:16:55,780 he never spoke a word to Amnon, 332 00:16:55,780 –> 00:16:57,380 either good or bad. 333 00:16:57,380 –> 00:16:59,020 He simply ignored him. 334 00:17:00,280 –> 00:17:02,580 And hatred then burned in his heart 335 00:17:02,580 –> 00:17:05,380 towards Amnon for two whole years. 336 00:17:05,380 –> 00:17:06,300 And in the end, 337 00:17:06,300 –> 00:17:10,099 the hatred that had smoldered there 338 00:17:10,099 –> 00:17:13,020 led to the murder of Amnon. 339 00:17:13,020 –> 00:17:18,020 And that then set the seeds of Absalom’s own destruction 340 00:17:18,020 –> 00:17:19,780 in a chain of events that will follow, 341 00:17:19,780 –> 00:17:21,280 God willing in these coming weeks, 342 00:17:21,280 –> 00:17:22,280 a tragic story. 343 00:17:24,180 –> 00:17:26,219 So no help for Tamar with the brother 344 00:17:26,219 –> 00:17:28,900 who was so loyal to her. 345 00:17:30,540 –> 00:17:32,339 What about our father? 346 00:17:32,339 –> 00:17:33,900 What help might she get there? 347 00:17:33,900 –> 00:17:36,260 Scene five, the passive father. 348 00:17:36,260 –> 00:17:37,260 Verse 21. 349 00:17:37,260 –> 00:17:41,699 When King David heard of all these things. 350 00:17:42,660 –> 00:17:44,319 He was very angry. 351 00:17:46,020 –> 00:17:47,819 Now the whole of this story, of course, 352 00:17:47,819 –> 00:17:49,180 revolves around David. 353 00:17:49,180 –> 00:17:53,859 This is the account in Scripture of the Kingship of David. 354 00:17:53,859 –> 00:17:57,219 And that is why it’s very significant in verse one. 355 00:17:57,219 –> 00:17:59,920 Ammon is introduced as David’s son. 356 00:17:59,920 –> 00:18:03,579 Absalom is introduced verse one as David’s son again. 357 00:18:03,579 –> 00:18:05,939 It’s laid out so we don’t miss the point. 358 00:18:05,939 –> 00:18:10,359 Jonadab, verse three, is the son of David’s brother. 359 00:18:10,479 –> 00:18:15,280 Tamar is David’s daughter, and she lives in David’s house. 360 00:18:16,359 –> 00:18:17,880 So once you got that clear in your mind, 361 00:18:17,880 –> 00:18:20,719 the obvious question at this point in the story then is, 362 00:18:20,719 –> 00:18:24,199 what then will David do about this outrage? 363 00:18:24,199 –> 00:18:26,800 That’s the word the Bible uses in his own family, 364 00:18:26,800 –> 00:18:28,359 not to mention his own kingdom. 365 00:18:30,119 –> 00:18:32,239 And we are told that David was very angry. 366 00:18:33,319 –> 00:18:35,400 And what did he do? 367 00:18:35,400 –> 00:18:37,400 Absolutely nothing. 368 00:18:38,219 –> 00:18:41,219 Absolutely nothing. 369 00:18:43,000 –> 00:18:45,959 David does nothing to discipline his son. 370 00:18:46,959 –> 00:18:50,079 He does nothing to comfort his daughter. 371 00:18:51,079 –> 00:18:52,859 He does not even bring his daughter home. 372 00:18:52,859 –> 00:18:55,599 She ends up in the home of Absalom. 373 00:18:57,800 –> 00:18:59,000 Of course the point is often made 374 00:18:59,000 –> 00:19:01,040 that David would not have felt 375 00:19:01,040 –> 00:19:03,040 that he was in a position to deal with 376 00:19:03,040 –> 00:19:04,500 the sin of his son, Amnon, 377 00:19:04,500 –> 00:19:07,000 because he would’ve seen a reflection 378 00:19:07,040 –> 00:19:08,579 of his own sin with Bathsheba 379 00:19:08,579 –> 00:19:11,599 being repeated in the actions of his son. 380 00:19:11,599 –> 00:19:15,000 And indeed, the parallel is very pointed 381 00:19:15,000 –> 00:19:17,359 in the way that the Bible tells the story. 382 00:19:17,359 –> 00:19:18,560 In chapter 11, 383 00:19:18,560 –> 00:19:20,599 we were told very clearly 384 00:19:20,599 –> 00:19:23,319 that Bathsheba was a beautiful woman, 385 00:19:23,319 –> 00:19:24,959 and you can’t miss the parallel 386 00:19:24,959 –> 00:19:26,439 when in the beginning of this chapter 387 00:19:26,439 –> 00:19:29,339 we’re told that Tamar was a beautiful sister. 388 00:19:31,280 –> 00:19:32,640 How painful, indeed, 389 00:19:32,640 –> 00:19:35,319 for David to see his own lusts 390 00:19:35,319 –> 00:19:36,719 reproduced in his son 391 00:19:36,719 –> 00:19:38,380 to even worse effect, 392 00:19:40,160 –> 00:19:42,560 but that is no excuse for David! 393 00:19:43,859 –> 00:19:46,739 As a father, he has a duty of discipline 394 00:19:46,739 –> 00:19:47,839 towards his son, 395 00:19:47,839 –> 00:19:49,660 and he has a duty of love 396 00:19:49,660 –> 00:19:50,680 towards his daughter, 397 00:19:50,680 –> 00:19:52,560 and he fails in both completely! 398 00:19:54,160 –> 00:19:55,500 And David’s failure here 399 00:19:55,500 –> 00:19:57,520 leaves Amnon without discipline, 400 00:19:58,479 –> 00:20:02,500 it leaves Tamar without either justice or comfort, 401 00:20:02,500 –> 00:20:03,880 and it opens the door 402 00:20:03,880 –> 00:20:05,319 in time for Absalom 403 00:20:05,380 –> 00:20:07,660 to take the law into his own hands, 404 00:20:07,660 –> 00:20:08,979 bringing great destruction, 405 00:20:08,979 –> 00:20:11,719 even further destruction to this family line. 406 00:20:13,339 –> 00:20:15,280 So, you see as you look at the response 407 00:20:15,280 –> 00:20:17,119 of the two men 408 00:20:17,119 –> 00:20:19,099 to whom Tamar might have looked 409 00:20:19,099 –> 00:20:21,560 at this point in her life, 410 00:20:21,560 –> 00:20:23,959 that neither of them faces the truth, 411 00:20:23,959 –> 00:20:25,599 they both avoid it, 412 00:20:25,599 –> 00:20:27,319 Absalom hides it, 413 00:20:27,319 –> 00:20:30,400 David simply ignores it, 414 00:20:30,400 –> 00:20:32,040 and it leaves you asking the question, 415 00:20:32,040 –> 00:20:34,579 then will anyone tell the story 416 00:20:34,579 –> 00:20:36,800 of what has happened to Tamar? 417 00:20:37,699 –> 00:20:39,640 Or is everyone going to cover this up 418 00:20:39,640 –> 00:20:41,060 and simply move on? 419 00:20:43,479 –> 00:20:46,180 And here we are sitting with our Bibles 420 00:20:46,180 –> 00:20:49,300 3000 years later, 421 00:20:49,300 –> 00:20:51,280 and the answer to the question, 422 00:20:51,280 –> 00:20:53,199 will anyone tell the truth 423 00:20:53,199 –> 00:20:54,760 about what happened to Tamar, 424 00:20:54,760 –> 00:20:56,099 is yes, God will, 425 00:20:57,439 –> 00:20:58,280 God will. 426 00:20:59,540 –> 00:21:01,520 Not her brother, not her father, 427 00:21:01,520 –> 00:21:03,119 hide and cover. 428 00:21:04,959 –> 00:21:06,800 But God will not ignore 429 00:21:08,439 –> 00:21:10,199 and God will not hide 430 00:21:11,819 –> 00:21:15,540 what has happened to his dearly loved daughter. 431 00:21:15,540 –> 00:21:19,040 God tells her story when no one else will. 432 00:21:20,439 –> 00:21:22,239 And when he breathes out his word 433 00:21:22,239 –> 00:21:23,939 he includes in it this, 434 00:21:23,939 –> 00:21:27,880 this is what happened to my daughter Tamar, 435 00:21:27,880 –> 00:21:29,800 I will not allow it to be hidden 436 00:21:29,800 –> 00:21:32,959 and I will not allow it to be ignored. 437 00:21:35,560 –> 00:21:38,060 Scene six, the desolate woman. 438 00:21:40,640 –> 00:21:44,900 Verse 19, and Tamar put ashes on her head. 439 00:21:44,900 –> 00:21:46,660 Try and picture that. 440 00:21:46,660 –> 00:21:50,839 A heap of ash and she puts her hand into this heap of ash 441 00:21:50,839 –> 00:21:53,680 and she rubs it into her own hair. 442 00:21:56,239 –> 00:21:58,579 She puts ash in her hair, 443 00:21:58,579 –> 00:22:02,839 she tears this long robe, that’s the Princess’s robe 444 00:22:02,839 –> 00:22:05,000 of the royal robe that she wore, 445 00:22:05,920 –> 00:22:09,500 the one that distinguished her and dignified her, 446 00:22:09,500 –> 00:22:14,319 she tore it and she laid her hand on her head 447 00:22:14,319 –> 00:22:17,599 and she went away crying aloud as she went. 448 00:22:18,599 –> 00:22:22,000 So Tamar lived a desolate woman 449 00:22:23,040 –> 00:22:26,619 in her brother Absalom’s house. 450 00:22:27,619 –> 00:22:31,060 I want you to try and take in, 451 00:22:31,060 –> 00:22:33,400 at least in some degree from what we’re told 452 00:22:33,400 –> 00:22:38,400 in the scripture here, the pain of this godly woman. 453 00:22:40,680 –> 00:22:44,819 She feels so wretched about what was done to her 454 00:22:44,819 –> 00:22:47,439 that she puts ash in her own hair. 455 00:22:50,400 –> 00:22:52,660 You see what’s happening here? 456 00:22:52,920 –> 00:22:54,359 You see what’s happening here? 457 00:22:55,640 –> 00:23:00,640 This beautiful woman who has been treated like trash 458 00:23:03,160 –> 00:23:06,219 is now treating herself like trash as well. 459 00:23:08,560 –> 00:23:13,560 She disfigures her own beauty by putting ash in her hair. 460 00:23:15,839 –> 00:23:18,219 She tears the royal robe 461 00:23:19,359 –> 00:23:22,599 that was the sign of her dignity and of her position 462 00:23:22,800 –> 00:23:26,780 and of her honor and she no longer feels worthy to wear it. 463 00:23:26,780 –> 00:23:28,319 It doesn’t mean a thing to her. 464 00:23:29,640 –> 00:23:31,780 And she puts her head in her hands 465 00:23:33,079 –> 00:23:34,719 and she cries out with pain. 466 00:23:36,400 –> 00:23:40,800 She feels completely and utterly worthless. 467 00:23:42,760 –> 00:23:46,479 And this sense of shame that had been heaped upon her 468 00:23:46,479 –> 00:23:49,479 as she was betrayed and violated and then excluded, 469 00:23:50,479 –> 00:23:52,739 it stays with her. 470 00:23:52,739 –> 00:23:54,359 That’s the significance of the phrase, 471 00:23:54,359 –> 00:23:59,000 she lived as a desolate woman. 472 00:24:00,619 –> 00:24:02,500 There are some words in the book of Job 473 00:24:02,500 –> 00:24:05,479 that speak I think to the experience 474 00:24:05,479 –> 00:24:08,199 of a person who has been abused. 475 00:24:08,199 –> 00:24:10,920 And the book of Job is especially helpful for this reason. 476 00:24:10,920 –> 00:24:13,079 Remember Job was a righteous man. 477 00:24:13,079 –> 00:24:16,400 He suffered greatly but his suffering was not on account 478 00:24:16,400 –> 00:24:18,560 of anything that he had done wrong. 479 00:24:20,119 –> 00:24:23,199 And Job says this, the innocent sufferer, 480 00:24:23,199 –> 00:24:24,479 and he says this, 481 00:24:24,479 –> 00:24:29,040 even if I am innocent, I cannot lift my head 482 00:24:29,040 –> 00:24:31,180 for I am full of shame 483 00:24:32,439 –> 00:24:36,020 and drowned in my affliction. 484 00:24:37,939 –> 00:24:39,719 Well, that’s where Tamar was. 485 00:24:41,979 –> 00:24:44,180 And maybe you know what that is like too. 486 00:24:44,859 –> 00:24:47,660 Tamar had done nothing wrong, 487 00:24:47,660 –> 00:24:50,619 but shame was heaped upon her 488 00:24:50,619 –> 00:24:53,060 and she felt the weight of it. 489 00:24:53,060 –> 00:24:56,579 And the great unanswered question that she asks 490 00:24:56,579 –> 00:24:59,380 right at the center of this story in verse 13 491 00:24:59,380 –> 00:25:03,859 is where could I carry my shame? 492 00:25:03,859 –> 00:25:05,939 I’m living under this. 493 00:25:05,939 –> 00:25:07,939 And where can I go with it? 494 00:25:07,939 –> 00:25:09,680 Where can I take it? 495 00:25:09,680 –> 00:25:11,439 What can I do with it? 496 00:25:11,439 –> 00:25:14,079 That which has been heaped upon me 497 00:25:14,339 –> 00:25:18,280 is outrageous act. 498 00:25:18,280 –> 00:25:20,739 Well, you see no one in David’s house 499 00:25:20,739 –> 00:25:24,619 could answer Tamar’s question. 500 00:25:24,619 –> 00:25:27,420 Amnon had abused her, 501 00:25:27,420 –> 00:25:29,939 Absalom had silenced her 502 00:25:29,939 –> 00:25:33,479 and David had ignored her. 503 00:25:33,479 –> 00:25:38,819 And so in scene 6 Tamar is a desolate woman 504 00:25:38,819 –> 00:25:41,020 and then she’s living under the weight of the shame 505 00:25:41,020 –> 00:25:42,219 and she didn’t know what to do with it 506 00:25:42,319 –> 00:25:48,280 and the question of course is, 507 00:25:48,280 –> 00:25:52,000 will this be the end for her? 508 00:25:52,000 –> 00:25:54,380 Is scene 6, the desolate woman, 509 00:25:54,380 –> 00:25:57,160 the end of Tamar’s story? 510 00:25:57,160 –> 00:26:01,680 Will she live like this forever 511 00:26:01,680 –> 00:26:08,719 or will there be a seventh scene in Tamar’s life? 512 00:26:08,760 –> 00:26:13,560 Can there be a scene 7 for you 513 00:26:13,560 –> 00:26:16,939 when you feel that you are drowning in your own affliction 514 00:26:16,939 –> 00:26:18,739 and can hardly lift your head 515 00:26:18,739 –> 00:26:21,040 because you have a sense of shame 516 00:26:21,040 –> 00:26:25,699 that has been heaped upon you? 517 00:26:25,699 –> 00:26:30,699 Well, I want to point in this last part of the message 518 00:26:30,699 –> 00:26:34,880 that is by far the most important. 519 00:26:34,880 –> 00:26:38,699 I want you to see how Tamar’s story 520 00:26:38,699 –> 00:26:43,359 points very directly to the story of our Lord Jesus Christ. 521 00:26:43,359 –> 00:26:47,719 In fact, the parallels are stunning. 522 00:26:47,719 –> 00:26:50,359 And I want you to see that in Jesus Christ 523 00:26:50,359 –> 00:26:52,800 there is a better ending for Tamar 524 00:26:52,800 –> 00:26:55,719 and a better ending for your story 525 00:26:55,719 –> 00:27:00,420 than anything that is found in 2 Samuel and chapter 13. 526 00:27:01,060 –> 00:27:04,319 I wonder if you have noticed the parallels 527 00:27:04,359 –> 00:27:06,560 between the story of Tamar 528 00:27:06,560 –> 00:27:10,459 and the story of the Lord Jesus Christ. 529 00:27:11,239 –> 00:27:17,140 I mean, he too was sent by the Father 530 00:27:17,140 –> 00:27:21,219 to a place where he should have been honored and welcomed. 531 00:27:21,219 –> 00:27:22,459 He came to his own. 532 00:27:22,459 –> 00:27:25,180 He should have been very safe there. 533 00:27:26,140 –> 00:27:29,579 He too came as a servant 534 00:27:29,599 –> 00:27:35,739 and was betrayed by one who he came to serve, 535 00:27:36,420 –> 00:27:40,040 one who ate from his own hand. 536 00:27:40,040 –> 00:27:42,160 He too was violated. 537 00:27:42,160 –> 00:27:44,780 He too was stripped and beaten 538 00:27:44,780 –> 00:27:48,859 and spat upon and pierced. 539 00:27:48,859 –> 00:27:50,819 He too was excluded. 540 00:27:52,420 –> 00:27:56,979 Thrown out of the city unwanted like trash 541 00:27:56,979 –> 00:28:01,979 and left to suffer and to die on a cross. 542 00:28:04,060 –> 00:28:05,560 Friends, can I say from the heart today 543 00:28:05,560 –> 00:28:10,060 when it comes to being loaded with shame, 544 00:28:10,060 –> 00:28:12,500 when you have done nothing wrong, 545 00:28:12,500 –> 00:28:17,500 the Lord Jesus Christ can say me too, me too. 546 00:28:19,619 –> 00:28:21,500 And if you will think deeply 547 00:28:22,459 –> 00:28:25,119 about what He endured, 548 00:28:25,119 –> 00:28:29,739 you will come to feel that Jesus Christ 549 00:28:29,739 –> 00:28:34,219 is the Savior to whom you can come. 550 00:28:34,219 –> 00:28:39,219 He knows what it is to have shame heaped upon Him. 551 00:28:40,939 –> 00:28:43,859 In fact the Bible gives very special attention 552 00:28:43,859 –> 00:28:47,280 to the shame that was heaped on Jesus. 553 00:28:47,280 –> 00:28:49,859 And I want to suggest today 554 00:28:49,859 –> 00:28:54,420 that the hope of any person who has suffered abuse 555 00:28:54,420 –> 00:28:58,880 is that Jesus Christ was not overcome 556 00:28:58,880 –> 00:29:01,380 by the shame that was heaped on Him. 557 00:29:02,400 –> 00:29:05,239 You have this in Hebrews, Chapter 12. 558 00:29:05,239 –> 00:29:08,719 Let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, 559 00:29:08,719 –> 00:29:11,520 looking to Jesus, who for the joy 560 00:29:11,520 –> 00:29:14,000 that was set before Him endured the cross. 561 00:29:14,000 –> 00:29:17,260 Here it is, despizng the shame. 562 00:29:17,260 –> 00:29:18,800 Despising the shame. 563 00:29:19,619 –> 00:29:22,099 And He’s seated at the right hand of the throne of God. 564 00:29:22,099 –> 00:29:23,040 What does that mean? 565 00:29:23,040 –> 00:29:25,900 It means this, Jesus had shamed, heaped upon Him 566 00:29:25,900 –> 00:29:27,219 on the cross. 567 00:29:28,540 –> 00:29:30,219 The shame was not His own. 568 00:29:31,880 –> 00:29:36,180 It was put upon Him, but when it was put upon Him 569 00:29:36,180 –> 00:29:37,900 it did not overcome Him. 570 00:29:37,900 –> 00:29:40,199 He was under it. 571 00:29:40,199 –> 00:29:42,500 He felt the weight of it, 572 00:29:43,500 –> 00:29:47,319 but by His divine power, He was able to rise above it 573 00:29:47,319 –> 00:29:49,680 to the point where He was able to look down on it, 574 00:29:49,680 –> 00:29:52,859 and that’s the meaning of the word despise. 575 00:29:54,540 –> 00:29:56,660 And how was Jesus able to do that? 576 00:29:56,660 –> 00:29:59,599 Jesus was able to do that, and this gives us the key 577 00:29:59,599 –> 00:30:01,939 as to how you will be able to do that. 578 00:30:03,199 –> 00:30:06,319 Jesus was able to do that, because He knew who He was 579 00:30:06,319 –> 00:30:07,859 and he knew where He was going. 580 00:30:09,119 –> 00:30:12,099 He was treated like trash, but He knew 581 00:30:12,099 –> 00:30:14,219 that He was the dearly loved Son of God. 582 00:30:15,060 –> 00:30:20,060 He was thrown out, excluded, nailed to a cross, 583 00:30:24,479 –> 00:30:27,400 but He knew that He was destined for the throne in heaven, 584 00:30:27,400 –> 00:30:29,000 and that’s how He despised the shame. 585 00:30:29,000 –> 00:30:31,400 He despised the shame and is seated 586 00:30:31,400 –> 00:30:34,300 at the right hand of the throne of God. 587 00:30:34,300 –> 00:30:36,579 He had the joy of what was set before Him. 588 00:30:36,579 –> 00:30:39,280 He knew who He was and He knew where He was going. 589 00:30:39,280 –> 00:30:40,199 That’s the point. 590 00:30:40,780 –> 00:30:44,439 Now, that speaks very profoundly 591 00:30:44,439 –> 00:30:46,060 into all of our lives today. 592 00:30:46,060 –> 00:30:48,520 Let me try and explain precisely how. 593 00:30:50,560 –> 00:30:52,219 In the book that I mentioned earlier, 594 00:30:52,219 –> 00:30:56,560 Rid of My Disgrace, the authors Justin 595 00:30:56,560 –> 00:30:59,699 and Lindsay Holcomb point out that we all have 596 00:30:59,699 –> 00:31:04,380 to face the perplexing question of identity. 597 00:31:04,380 –> 00:31:05,219 Who am I? 598 00:31:05,219 –> 00:31:06,520 Who am I really? 599 00:31:08,199 –> 00:31:10,060 And they are so very, very helpful 600 00:31:10,579 –> 00:31:12,739 in opening up what that can mean 601 00:31:12,739 –> 00:31:15,079 and how painful that struggle can be 602 00:31:15,079 –> 00:31:17,500 for a person who has suffered abuse. 603 00:31:17,500 –> 00:31:19,180 Am I spoiled goods? 604 00:31:20,380 –> 00:31:22,520 Am I simply a piece of trash? 605 00:31:24,380 –> 00:31:26,260 And they make this point very helpfully, 606 00:31:26,260 –> 00:31:30,199 before you can answer the question, who am I, 607 00:31:30,199 –> 00:31:34,339 you need to ask and answer a prior question which is this, 608 00:31:34,339 –> 00:31:38,739 of what story do I find myself a part? 609 00:31:40,079 –> 00:31:41,359 That is very helpful. 610 00:31:42,500 –> 00:31:45,900 Ask yourself this, as you look at the pain 611 00:31:45,900 –> 00:31:47,800 and the darkness that you may have experienced 612 00:31:47,800 –> 00:31:49,400 in your life, whatever it may be, 613 00:31:50,739 –> 00:31:54,760 of what story do I find myself a part? 614 00:31:56,099 –> 00:31:59,300 Writing to those who have been abused, 615 00:31:59,300 –> 00:32:01,199 these authors say this, and I quote, 616 00:32:01,199 –> 00:32:06,199 being a victim of sexual assault is part of your story 617 00:32:07,160 –> 00:32:12,160 that you should not deny and that you should not minimize, 618 00:32:12,439 –> 00:32:13,280 end quote. 619 00:32:14,800 –> 00:32:17,479 They then go on to say, this is part of your story, 620 00:32:17,479 –> 00:32:19,800 but you do not want it to be the story, 621 00:32:19,800 –> 00:32:22,599 otherwise you will live forever under a heap of shame 622 00:32:22,599 –> 00:32:25,640 and many other things that you do not want to live under. 623 00:32:27,640 –> 00:32:29,900 And so the real question you have to ask then 624 00:32:29,900 –> 00:32:32,699 is of what story am I a part, 625 00:32:32,699 –> 00:32:35,199 of what story is this life a part? 626 00:32:36,400 –> 00:32:37,599 And very helpfully, 627 00:32:37,599 –> 00:32:39,739 this is one of the helpful things in the book, 628 00:32:39,739 –> 00:32:42,900 they point out that the culture actually has an answer, 629 00:32:42,900 –> 00:32:45,099 the culture almost has an answer for every question 630 00:32:45,099 –> 00:32:46,260 and we need to be discerning 631 00:32:46,260 –> 00:32:49,239 and understanding about what that answer is. 632 00:32:50,439 –> 00:32:52,780 Again, quote, in an attempt to counter 633 00:32:52,780 –> 00:32:54,859 your negative self image, 634 00:32:54,859 –> 00:32:58,180 others may encourage you to see yourself 635 00:32:58,180 –> 00:33:02,540 in a story of self-love, self-reliance, and self-healing. 636 00:33:03,319 –> 00:33:05,040 And then they say this, 637 00:33:05,040 –> 00:33:09,520 these replies are insensitive to the suffering person 638 00:33:09,520 –> 00:33:13,140 and they do not answer the underlying problem 639 00:33:13,140 –> 00:33:15,160 of the distorted self image. 640 00:33:16,439 –> 00:33:19,579 How do you receive or give love 641 00:33:20,780 –> 00:33:23,020 when you believe that you are unlovable, 642 00:33:23,020 –> 00:33:25,219 dirty, worthless, impure, and corrupt? 643 00:33:27,319 –> 00:33:29,400 You see, what they’re saying at the end of the day, 644 00:33:29,400 –> 00:33:31,119 the cultures answer that 645 00:33:31,119 –> 00:33:34,339 that you’ve got to learn to love yourself 646 00:33:34,339 –> 00:33:38,079 and that your healing is going to come from inside yourself 647 00:33:38,079 –> 00:33:40,760 and you need to talk yourself up and so forth and so on, 648 00:33:40,760 –> 00:33:44,099 there’s actually a horrible void at the centre of that 649 00:33:44,099 –> 00:33:45,500 and here’s the void, 650 00:33:45,500 –> 00:33:47,300 that the person to whom that is said 651 00:33:47,300 –> 00:33:50,300 is the person who does not have love for themselves 652 00:33:50,300 –> 00:33:52,900 and therefore where is this love going to come from? 653 00:33:54,420 –> 00:33:56,699 Friends, the answer 654 00:33:57,260 –> 00:34:01,140 to the painful issue 655 00:34:02,420 –> 00:34:05,979 of the shame and all else that comes 656 00:34:07,739 –> 00:34:10,919 in these awful issues that are before us today 657 00:34:11,979 –> 00:34:15,979 is not in seeing yourself as part of a new story 658 00:34:15,979 –> 00:34:18,179 that’s all about loving yourself. 659 00:34:19,659 –> 00:34:21,979 The answer lies in finding your place 660 00:34:21,979 –> 00:34:24,860 in the great story of the Son of God 661 00:34:24,879 –> 00:34:27,979 who loved you and gave himself for you, 662 00:34:29,020 –> 00:34:31,080 that’s where love comes from. 663 00:34:32,739 –> 00:34:34,300 When I do not love myself, 664 00:34:34,300 –> 00:34:35,820 when I find the self-loathing, 665 00:34:35,820 –> 00:34:37,879 the sense of I’m just a piece of trash, 666 00:34:37,879 –> 00:34:41,620 it’s to know that there is a love of another kind 667 00:34:43,340 –> 00:34:46,639 that radiates to me from the Son of God 668 00:34:46,639 –> 00:34:49,939 who loves me and gave himself for me. 669 00:34:49,939 –> 00:34:53,659 A love from the Son of God who will welcome you 670 00:34:53,659 –> 00:34:56,959 and who will hold you and will receive you 671 00:34:56,959 –> 00:34:59,659 and will never let you go? 672 00:35:01,399 –> 00:35:02,820 Love of a different kind, 673 00:35:02,820 –> 00:35:05,739 the love that seeks the good of another person 674 00:35:05,739 –> 00:35:08,780 irrespective of the cost that is demonstrated fully 675 00:35:08,780 –> 00:35:11,320 and finally in Jesus Christ who comes 676 00:35:11,320 –> 00:35:13,199 to do you eternal good 677 00:35:13,199 –> 00:35:15,479 and does it at immeasurable cost to himself. 678 00:35:18,020 –> 00:35:20,320 Jesus Christ came into the world 679 00:35:20,320 –> 00:35:23,040 so that your life could be part of a better story. 680 00:35:24,600 –> 00:35:27,760 A great story of redemption. 681 00:35:29,239 –> 00:35:32,280 Of what story do I find myself a part? 682 00:35:32,280 –> 00:35:33,739 That’s the question. 683 00:35:35,699 –> 00:35:37,860 Jesus Christ came into the world 684 00:35:37,860 –> 00:35:40,959 so that there could be a seventh chapter 685 00:35:40,959 –> 00:35:43,159 in the story of Tamar 686 00:35:43,159 –> 00:35:46,760 and a chapter seven in your story as well. 687 00:35:48,580 –> 00:35:51,320 And this Jesus is seated at the right hand 688 00:35:51,340 –> 00:35:55,580 of the throne of God and he lives 689 00:35:55,580 –> 00:35:59,060 so that you by his power may be able to rise 690 00:35:59,060 –> 00:36:02,540 above that sense of shame that has been loaded upon you 691 00:36:02,540 –> 00:36:04,020 and like the Lord Jesus, 692 00:36:04,020 –> 00:36:05,939 find yourself looking down on it 693 00:36:05,939 –> 00:36:08,899 because you’re seated with Christ in heavenly places. 694 00:36:10,060 –> 00:36:12,419 He lives so that shame will not have 695 00:36:12,419 –> 00:36:14,239 the last word in your life 696 00:36:14,239 –> 00:36:18,020 so that you will not live as a desolate woman 697 00:36:19,439 –> 00:36:20,959 or as a desolate man. 698 00:36:21,899 –> 00:36:25,800 Think of that image that we saw in scene six 699 00:36:25,800 –> 00:36:28,979 of Temar rubbing these ashes 700 00:36:28,979 –> 00:36:30,719 into her own hair 701 00:36:32,540 –> 00:36:34,320 and all that that conveys 702 00:36:35,600 –> 00:36:38,639 about what’s going on in her mind and in her heart 703 00:36:38,639 –> 00:36:41,820 and now listen to what Isaiah says 704 00:36:41,820 –> 00:36:44,020 about why Jesus Christ, the Messiah, 705 00:36:44,020 –> 00:36:45,439 will come into the world. 706 00:36:45,439 –> 00:36:47,060 He says this in chapter 61 707 00:36:47,060 –> 00:36:50,040 the spirit of the Lord is gonna be upon him 708 00:36:50,080 –> 00:36:53,520 because the Lord has anointed him 709 00:36:53,520 –> 00:36:55,320 to bring good news to the poor 710 00:36:55,320 –> 00:36:58,120 and what’s this Messiah going to do when he comes? 711 00:36:58,120 –> 00:37:02,780 He will give them a beautiful headdress 712 00:37:02,780 –> 00:37:04,719 instead of ashes. 713 00:37:05,780 –> 00:37:07,560 Boy that speaks to Temar doesn’t it? 714 00:37:09,320 –> 00:37:11,959 What’s the significance of the headdress? 715 00:37:11,959 –> 00:37:13,439 That’s honor isn’t it? 716 00:37:14,399 –> 00:37:16,199 Beautiful headdress. 717 00:37:18,540 –> 00:37:19,560 I’ll crown you. 718 00:37:20,340 –> 00:37:23,439 I’ll take away your ashes Psalm 103, 719 00:37:23,439 –> 00:37:28,139 he will crown you with his steadfast love, 720 00:37:28,979 –> 00:37:31,280 that will be your crowning glory. 721 00:37:32,199 –> 00:37:35,320 I’ll take away the shame that’s represented in your ashes 722 00:37:35,320 –> 00:37:37,239 and your crowning glory will be 723 00:37:37,239 –> 00:37:39,800 that you are loved by the son of God himself 724 00:37:39,800 –> 00:37:42,280 and he will never let you go isn’t that beautiful? 725 00:37:43,360 –> 00:37:45,320 And then think with me for a moment 726 00:37:45,320 –> 00:37:47,780 about Temar with that torn robe, 727 00:37:47,780 –> 00:37:50,260 the royal robe that’s now worthless to her 728 00:37:51,179 –> 00:37:54,280 and that she no longer feels worthy of wearing. 729 00:37:55,580 –> 00:37:57,899 And in the book of Revelation, 730 00:37:57,899 –> 00:38:01,620 we are given this marvelous picture of redeemed people 731 00:38:01,620 –> 00:38:03,399 and particularly we’re told this 732 00:38:03,399 –> 00:38:07,280 that they’re all clothed in white robes. 733 00:38:07,280 –> 00:38:10,300 Here’s Jesus Christ and in your sense 734 00:38:10,300 –> 00:38:13,620 of torn worthlessness, what does he do? 735 00:38:13,699 –> 00:38:18,620 He wraps you around with the purity of his own righteousness 736 00:38:19,820 –> 00:38:21,939 was marvelous gift in the world. 737 00:38:22,959 –> 00:38:25,399 And these people in the book of Revelation, 738 00:38:25,399 –> 00:38:26,840 they’re not covered in shame, 739 00:38:26,840 –> 00:38:28,860 they’re lifting up their heads, 740 00:38:28,860 –> 00:38:30,739 they’re rejoicing with raised hands, 741 00:38:30,739 –> 00:38:31,620 and what did they say? 742 00:38:31,620 –> 00:38:36,540 Salvation belongs to our God and to the Lamb. 743 00:38:37,260 –> 00:38:39,500 And I have no hesitation in saying this, 744 00:38:39,520 –> 00:38:43,540 that scene seven for Tamar 745 00:38:43,540 –> 00:38:47,580 is to be part of that great company of the redeemed, 746 00:38:47,580 –> 00:38:48,820 singing with joy, 747 00:38:48,820 –> 00:38:51,620 Salvation belongs to the Lord and to the Lamb, 748 00:38:51,620 –> 00:38:54,080 and that even now that is her experience, 749 00:38:54,080 –> 00:38:56,979 she is not today a desolate woman, 750 00:38:56,979 –> 00:39:01,620 she is redeemed in our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. 751 00:39:02,560 –> 00:39:05,179 Friends, try and get a hold of this, 752 00:39:05,179 –> 00:39:07,860 Jesus Christ comes into the world 753 00:39:07,860 –> 00:39:10,100 redeeming backwards and forwards as it were 754 00:39:10,100 –> 00:39:11,699 for all who look to him, 755 00:39:11,699 –> 00:39:14,139 that means that Jesus Christ comes into the world 756 00:39:14,139 –> 00:39:16,459 so that the outrage of Amnon’s sin 757 00:39:16,459 –> 00:39:19,560 should not have the final word in Tamar’s life. 758 00:39:20,860 –> 00:39:22,820 And you know Jesus Christ came into the world 759 00:39:22,820 –> 00:39:25,639 so that whatever outrages may have happened to you 760 00:39:25,639 –> 00:39:27,780 in the darkest place in your own life 761 00:39:27,780 –> 00:39:30,719 that they should not be the defining story for you, 762 00:39:31,780 –> 00:39:34,260 but that your life even now 763 00:39:34,300 –> 00:39:38,780 would be caught up into this great redemptive story 764 00:39:38,780 –> 00:39:41,120 of the Lord Jesus Christ 765 00:39:41,120 –> 00:39:46,120 who gives beauty instead of ashes. 766 00:39:47,939 –> 00:39:49,179 Let me in this last moment, 767 00:39:49,179 –> 00:39:52,820 then suggest three uses of this story very briefly. 768 00:39:52,820 –> 00:39:55,780 Number one, use this story please 769 00:39:55,780 –> 00:39:58,080 to deepen your hatred of sin. 770 00:39:59,639 –> 00:40:02,760 I hope that you will feel today 771 00:40:02,800 –> 00:40:05,100 perhaps more than ever before 772 00:40:05,100 –> 00:40:09,360 that sexual abuse in any of its many forms 773 00:40:09,360 –> 00:40:12,659 is a foul and hateful thing. 774 00:40:14,639 –> 00:40:16,159 What we have spoken of today 775 00:40:16,159 –> 00:40:20,260 is a great evil that brings immeasurable pain. 776 00:40:22,159 –> 00:40:23,699 And I want to challenge you. 777 00:40:24,760 –> 00:40:28,280 First, I want to challenge every man in the congregation 778 00:40:28,280 –> 00:40:29,800 and then also every woman. 779 00:40:30,780 –> 00:40:33,479 But first, I want to challenge every man in the congregation 780 00:40:33,479 –> 00:40:38,479 use this story to deepen your loathing of sin 781 00:40:40,159 –> 00:40:42,679 and to increase your compassion 782 00:40:44,260 –> 00:40:46,360 for those who have suffered because of it. 783 00:40:47,179 –> 00:40:49,580 Second, use this story 784 00:40:49,580 –> 00:40:52,120 to elevate your understanding of love. 785 00:40:53,199 –> 00:40:54,600 We live in a world, a culture 786 00:40:54,600 –> 00:40:56,540 where everybody talks about love 787 00:40:56,540 –> 00:40:59,199 and many have no idea at all what it is. 788 00:41:00,479 –> 00:41:02,879 For Amnon, love is just getting what he wants. 789 00:41:04,000 –> 00:41:07,560 For Jonathan, it’s affirming whatever his friend desires. 790 00:41:09,000 –> 00:41:11,159 For David it seems to have been giving his children 791 00:41:11,159 –> 00:41:13,239 whatever they wanted and then turning a blind eye 792 00:41:13,239 –> 00:41:16,020 when things went so tragically wrong in his own family. 793 00:41:17,820 –> 00:41:18,659 What is love? 794 00:41:18,659 –> 00:41:20,919 Love seeks the good of another person 795 00:41:20,919 –> 00:41:23,340 irrespective of the cost. 796 00:41:24,360 –> 00:41:27,600 And our Lord Jesus Christ shows us what love is 797 00:41:27,600 –> 00:41:30,919 as he came into the world to do us eternal good 798 00:41:30,919 –> 00:41:33,520 at immeasurable cost to himself. 799 00:41:33,520 –> 00:41:36,699 And he says to us, as I have loved you 800 00:41:36,699 –> 00:41:39,739 now you must love one another. 801 00:41:42,360 –> 00:41:47,360 And lastly, use this story to open the door of hope. 802 00:41:48,120 –> 00:41:51,260 Tamar asked this question, 803 00:41:52,199 –> 00:41:55,899 where could I carry my shame? 804 00:41:57,639 –> 00:41:59,600 And the answer to Tamar’s question 805 00:41:59,600 –> 00:42:02,719 is you can bring it to Jesus. 806 00:42:04,139 –> 00:42:05,719 You can bring it to Jesus. 807 00:42:07,800 –> 00:42:10,739 And if you have been abused in any way, 808 00:42:12,000 –> 00:42:15,360 a great step of faith for you today would be 809 00:42:15,360 –> 00:42:17,899 to believe that the Lord, Jesus Christ, 810 00:42:17,899 –> 00:42:20,340 can make your life part of a better story. 811 00:42:22,520 –> 00:42:24,760 A great step of faith for you today 812 00:42:24,760 –> 00:42:28,120 would be to believe today, to believe today 813 00:42:28,120 –> 00:42:32,020 that Jesus Christ can make your life part of a better story. 814 00:42:34,020 –> 00:42:35,560 And you can ask Him to do this. 815 00:42:35,560 –> 00:42:36,659 You could ask Him today, 816 00:42:36,659 –> 00:42:39,120 I mean, this is being addressed out of the word of God. 817 00:42:39,120 –> 00:42:41,560 When would you come to Him if it were not today? 818 00:42:43,639 –> 00:42:46,280 And you can come and you can ask Him, 819 00:42:46,280 –> 00:42:47,300 and here’s what He will do. 820 00:42:47,300 –> 00:42:49,899 He will take your ashes 821 00:42:49,899 –> 00:42:52,919 and He will crown you with His steadfast love. 822 00:42:53,639 –> 00:42:56,020 He will take what is torn in your life 823 00:42:56,020 –> 00:42:59,659 and He will wrap you in His robe of His own righteousness. 824 00:43:00,719 –> 00:43:03,280 And He will bring you through time to the day 825 00:43:03,280 –> 00:43:06,520 when you will, in the company of the redeemed 826 00:43:06,520 –> 00:43:10,040 be able from the heart to say with great joy, 827 00:43:10,040 –> 00:43:15,040 salvation belongs to our God and to the Lamb. 828 00:43:17,639 –> 00:43:19,159 Let’s pray together, shall we? 829 00:43:19,379 –> 00:43:20,300 Shall we? 830 00:43:22,459 –> 00:43:25,419 Father, please make this to be a day 831 00:43:25,419 –> 00:43:27,659 of healing as your light shines 832 00:43:27,659 –> 00:43:32,399 into the darkest corners of our lives. 833 00:43:35,600 –> 00:43:40,520 May there be a response of faith 834 00:43:40,520 –> 00:43:45,520 that trusts you to make this life part of a better story. 835 00:43:45,520 –> 00:43:50,300 A better story, the story of your redeeming grace. 836 00:43:52,199 –> 00:43:57,199 Gracious Lord, for all who reach out to you, even now. 837 00:43:59,500 –> 00:44:04,500 Take away the ashes and place on their heads 838 00:44:04,500 –> 00:44:07,260 the crown of your loving kindness, 839 00:44:07,260 –> 00:44:08,620 your steadfast love. 840 00:44:10,120 –> 00:44:12,899 And wrap over all that is torn 841 00:44:13,520 –> 00:44:18,040 the perfect garment of your righteousness. 842 00:44:18,040 –> 00:44:21,860 Wrap us in all that you are for us 843 00:44:21,860 –> 00:44:23,199 and all that you have done. 844 00:44:24,399 –> 00:44:28,100 And bring us to that place where rising above the shame, 845 00:44:29,199 –> 00:44:31,979 we will truly from the heart be able to say, 846 00:44:31,979 –> 00:44:36,040 salvation belongs to our God and to the lamb. 847 00:44:37,100 –> 00:44:39,500 For these things we ask in Jesus’ name 848 00:44:39,500 –> 00:44:41,800 and everyone together said, amen.