1 00:00:00,000 –> 00:00:01,980 Well, that’s a good point to open our Bibles 2 00:00:01,980 –> 00:00:04,980 at Exodus in chapter 20 in verse 12 3 00:00:04,980 –> 00:00:08,140 as we come to the fifth commandment today. 4 00:00:08,140 –> 00:00:13,020 Exodus chapter 20 and reading from verse 12, 5 00:00:13,020 –> 00:00:15,640 let’s hear the word of God together. 6 00:00:18,620 –> 00:00:22,700 Honor your father and your mother 7 00:00:23,900 –> 00:00:27,219 so that you may live long in the land 8 00:00:27,340 –> 00:00:30,139 the Lord your God is giving you. 9 00:00:31,320 –> 00:00:32,740 Well, we’re continuing our series 10 00:00:32,740 –> 00:00:35,099 Unlocking Your 10 Greatest Struggles 11 00:00:35,099 –> 00:00:37,939 and today we come to what we’ve called 12 00:00:37,939 –> 00:00:42,020 Your Struggle with Authority. 13 00:00:42,020 –> 00:00:44,419 Remember that Jesus gave us a wonderful summary 14 00:00:44,419 –> 00:00:46,240 of the 10 commandments. 15 00:00:46,240 –> 00:00:48,779 He said it’s all about loving God 16 00:00:48,779 –> 00:00:51,099 with all your heart and soul and mind and strength 17 00:00:51,099 –> 00:00:53,980 and then it’s about loving your neighbor as yourself. 18 00:00:53,980 –> 00:00:56,380 And the first four commandments that we’ve considered 19 00:00:56,380 –> 00:00:58,419 really constitute what’s sometimes called 20 00:00:58,419 –> 00:01:00,160 the first table of the law. 21 00:01:00,160 –> 00:01:01,900 That is the first four commandments 22 00:01:01,900 –> 00:01:05,160 relates to what it means to love God. 23 00:01:05,160 –> 00:01:07,940 And today we’re beginning on the second table of the law, 24 00:01:07,940 –> 00:01:11,620 commandments five through 10 and these commandments 25 00:01:11,620 –> 00:01:15,279 map out for us what it actually means 26 00:01:15,279 –> 00:01:20,059 to love your neighbor as yourself. 27 00:01:20,059 –> 00:01:24,500 Now, of course, it’s easy to talk generally about love. 28 00:01:25,480 –> 00:01:28,760 It’s dead easy to talk about loving the world. 29 00:01:28,760 –> 00:01:30,000 What does that mean? 30 00:01:31,400 –> 00:01:34,980 It’s easy to talk about being a people person. 31 00:01:36,459 –> 00:01:39,500 The problem comes with the actual personalities 32 00:01:39,500 –> 00:01:41,120 that God puts next to you. 33 00:01:42,199 –> 00:01:44,959 And when you begin to boil down who these folks are, 34 00:01:44,959 –> 00:01:48,139 you realize that includes your father, and your mother, 35 00:01:48,139 –> 00:01:50,480 and your brother, and your sister, 36 00:01:50,480 –> 00:01:52,739 and your teacher, and your boss, 37 00:01:52,900 –> 00:01:56,440 and your business competitor, and these folks, 38 00:01:57,440 –> 00:01:59,139 and sometimes a bit of a struggle. 39 00:02:00,599 –> 00:02:05,320 To live above with saints we love, 40 00:02:05,320 –> 00:02:09,500 oh yes, that will be glory. 41 00:02:09,500 –> 00:02:13,539 To live below with saints we know, 42 00:02:13,539 –> 00:02:16,080 well, that’s another story. 43 00:02:16,080 –> 00:02:20,300 Now, it would be relatively easy to love your neighbor 44 00:02:20,940 –> 00:02:23,339 if you could choose who your neighbor will be. 45 00:02:23,339 –> 00:02:25,479 But God doesn’t give you that luxury. 46 00:02:25,479 –> 00:02:28,300 You don’t choose the people that God places 47 00:02:28,300 –> 00:02:30,419 next to you in your life. 48 00:02:30,419 –> 00:02:32,020 And, of course, that is the whole point 49 00:02:32,020 –> 00:02:33,660 of the story of the good Samaritan. 50 00:02:33,660 –> 00:02:36,779 Remember, Jesus was speaking about the commandments 51 00:02:36,779 –> 00:02:38,899 someone correctly identified their meaning. 52 00:02:38,899 –> 00:02:41,100 He said it’s all about loving your neighbor as yourself, 53 00:02:41,100 –> 00:02:42,940 loving God, and then loving your neighbor. 54 00:02:42,940 –> 00:02:44,559 And then the question came to Jesus. 55 00:02:44,559 –> 00:02:45,740 But who is my neighbor? 56 00:02:45,740 –> 00:02:48,539 Who is this person I’m to love like myself? 57 00:02:48,619 –> 00:02:50,580 And Jesus told the story you remember 58 00:02:50,580 –> 00:02:52,720 of the good Samaritan. 59 00:02:52,720 –> 00:02:54,699 And the whole point of that story 60 00:02:54,699 –> 00:02:59,699 was that your neighbor is whoever God puts in your path. 61 00:03:01,220 –> 00:03:04,979 And that will include some folks who are easy to love. 62 00:03:06,080 –> 00:03:08,899 And it will also include some folks 63 00:03:08,899 –> 00:03:10,440 who are really quite difficult. 64 00:03:11,539 –> 00:03:15,139 But the first folks that God puts in the path of your life 65 00:03:15,139 –> 00:03:18,100 are obviously your father and your mother. 66 00:03:18,440 –> 00:03:19,660 And that’s why it makes sense 67 00:03:19,660 –> 00:03:21,679 that the second table of the law 68 00:03:21,679 –> 00:03:23,160 explaining to us what it means 69 00:03:23,160 –> 00:03:24,679 to love our neighbor as ourselves 70 00:03:24,679 –> 00:03:27,559 begins by talking about the relationship 71 00:03:27,559 –> 00:03:30,020 that we have with father and mother. 72 00:03:31,240 –> 00:03:33,399 Now, I’ve called this your struggle with authority 73 00:03:33,399 –> 00:03:34,979 because it’s obviously the case 74 00:03:34,979 –> 00:03:36,520 that your father and your mother 75 00:03:36,520 –> 00:03:39,580 are the first authority figures 76 00:03:39,580 –> 00:03:41,320 that God puts in your life. 77 00:03:41,320 –> 00:03:44,699 And so The Fifth Commandment, by category, 78 00:03:44,699 –> 00:03:47,080 opens up this whole issue 79 00:03:47,080 –> 00:03:50,419 of how we relate to people who, in different settings, 80 00:03:50,419 –> 00:03:53,339 are in some kind of authority over us. 81 00:03:53,339 –> 00:03:55,580 And of course, your first experience, 82 00:03:55,580 –> 00:03:58,660 my first experience of a person in authority 83 00:03:58,660 –> 00:04:01,220 will tend to shape the way 84 00:04:01,220 –> 00:04:05,059 in which we relate to authority afterwards. 85 00:04:05,059 –> 00:04:10,059 So if you saw authority used well in your early years, 86 00:04:10,860 –> 00:04:13,940 you will probably as a first instinct 87 00:04:13,940 –> 00:04:17,079 relate well to authority and respect it. 88 00:04:17,980 –> 00:04:21,579 If however, you saw authority used badly 89 00:04:21,579 –> 00:04:23,279 in your first experience 90 00:04:23,279 –> 00:04:26,179 you may have a tendency to be suspicious of it, 91 00:04:26,179 –> 00:04:27,279 to resist it, 92 00:04:27,279 –> 00:04:29,700 and to shy away from it. 93 00:04:29,700 –> 00:04:33,179 And I see that because that is why the strength 94 00:04:33,179 –> 00:04:34,980 of family life 95 00:04:36,019 –> 00:04:39,700 is so important to the good of the nation. 96 00:04:39,700 –> 00:04:43,299 Respect for authority and authority well used 97 00:04:43,380 –> 00:04:44,700 is learned in the home. 98 00:04:44,700 –> 00:04:46,940 And of course, if it breaks down in the home 99 00:04:46,940 –> 00:04:49,779 obviously it follows that it will begin to break down 100 00:04:49,779 –> 00:04:51,500 within national life. 101 00:04:51,500 –> 00:04:54,260 That’s why the command that says honor your father 102 00:04:54,260 –> 00:04:55,279 and your mother 103 00:04:55,279 –> 00:05:00,019 continues to say that you may live long in the land. 104 00:05:00,019 –> 00:05:01,640 You notice that? 105 00:05:01,640 –> 00:05:04,559 The point of that is simply this, 106 00:05:04,559 –> 00:05:08,739 that a culture will not survive long 107 00:05:08,739 –> 00:05:12,619 where respect for authority breaks down. 108 00:05:13,940 –> 00:05:16,200 Now I want to recognize right up front 109 00:05:16,200 –> 00:05:18,700 because I know that for some and perhaps many 110 00:05:18,700 –> 00:05:22,019 sensitivities are high on this issue. 111 00:05:22,019 –> 00:05:26,839 Our experience of parents is incredibly different. 112 00:05:27,760 –> 00:05:29,739 Some of us have enjoyed the blessing 113 00:05:29,739 –> 00:05:33,040 of being raised in a stable and a loving home. 114 00:05:33,040 –> 00:05:35,260 Others of us did not. 115 00:05:35,260 –> 00:05:36,959 We wished we had. 116 00:05:36,959 –> 00:05:40,420 And for some of us I know that the very mention 117 00:05:40,420 –> 00:05:42,700 of parents is deeply sensitive. 118 00:05:42,700 –> 00:05:45,820 It makes you feel like you want to get out of here. 119 00:05:45,820 –> 00:05:49,420 Some of us will already be squirming inside 120 00:05:51,119 –> 00:05:54,459 because the whole subject of mom and dad 121 00:05:54,459 –> 00:05:57,059 has become so painful to you 122 00:05:58,160 –> 00:06:00,279 that the very mention of the subject 123 00:06:00,279 –> 00:06:02,920 has all your defenses up. 124 00:06:04,399 –> 00:06:06,619 And your first thought today 125 00:06:06,619 –> 00:06:10,059 is that the word of God is going to wound you. 126 00:06:10,720 –> 00:06:13,880 Why do you think that? 127 00:06:17,100 –> 00:06:21,440 The reason you think that is that your parents hurt you. 128 00:06:23,859 –> 00:06:26,760 They were the first authority figures in your life 129 00:06:26,760 –> 00:06:28,500 and you have the sneaking suspicion 130 00:06:28,500 –> 00:06:30,700 that God is going to hurt you too. 131 00:06:32,420 –> 00:06:34,119 You assume that God is like them 132 00:06:34,119 –> 00:06:36,959 somewhere deep within your mind and within your heart 133 00:06:37,320 –> 00:06:40,119 and I want to assure you again 134 00:06:40,119 –> 00:06:41,600 as we’re learning from the Bible 135 00:06:41,600 –> 00:06:43,399 and it touches the whole of life, 136 00:06:43,399 –> 00:06:46,440 the God of the Bible is good 137 00:06:48,519 –> 00:06:52,320 and he seeks and will bring your good. 138 00:06:54,279 –> 00:06:59,279 Don’t let, please, the warped authority 139 00:06:59,480 –> 00:07:04,079 of your parents keep you or blind you 140 00:07:04,720 –> 00:07:07,920 from the loving authority of God 141 00:07:08,820 –> 00:07:10,519 that you can discover in your life. 142 00:07:12,899 –> 00:07:14,100 Now of course, the fifth commandment 143 00:07:14,100 –> 00:07:16,279 would be easy if it said honor your father 144 00:07:16,279 –> 00:07:19,440 and mother if they’re honorable, right, 145 00:07:20,579 –> 00:07:24,079 but it doesn’t actually say that as you’ll notice. 146 00:07:24,079 –> 00:07:26,079 God does not allow us the luxury 147 00:07:26,079 –> 00:07:27,500 of choosing who we will honor. 148 00:07:27,500 –> 00:07:29,980 He puts certain people in our way, 149 00:07:29,980 –> 00:07:31,600 your parents, your teachers, your boss, 150 00:07:31,600 –> 00:07:36,600 your president, sometimes they may be easy to honor, 151 00:07:36,700 –> 00:07:38,859 sometimes they will be very difficult, 152 00:07:40,200 –> 00:07:41,920 but it is one of the major issues 153 00:07:41,920 –> 00:07:44,059 and therefore struggles of our lives 154 00:07:44,059 –> 00:07:48,160 and it is highly relevant not just for children 155 00:07:48,160 –> 00:07:50,760 but for all of us throughout the course of our lives 156 00:07:50,760 –> 00:07:53,579 and not just in family life. 157 00:07:53,579 –> 00:07:55,040 See, if you’re a student at school 158 00:07:55,040 –> 00:07:58,480 how are you going to respond as a Christian student 159 00:07:58,820 –> 00:08:00,579 to a difficult teacher? 160 00:08:01,600 –> 00:08:04,279 I know there are wonderful teachers. 161 00:08:04,279 –> 00:08:06,559 I’m married to one so I’m on that side. 162 00:08:07,579 –> 00:08:08,940 But even the teachers will admit 163 00:08:08,940 –> 00:08:11,440 there are some difficult teachers, right? 164 00:08:12,899 –> 00:08:15,260 How do you deal with a difficult boss? 165 00:08:16,160 –> 00:08:17,760 How are you going to handle at work 166 00:08:17,760 –> 00:08:19,820 a person who’s an authority over you 167 00:08:19,820 –> 00:08:24,220 when he or she acts unethically or dishonorably? 168 00:08:24,299 –> 00:08:25,040 Right? 169 00:08:27,100 –> 00:08:28,980 We’re coming close to an election 170 00:08:30,779 –> 00:08:34,000 and our country is obviously deeply divided. 171 00:08:34,000 –> 00:08:36,780 The feelings run very, very deep at this time 172 00:08:36,780 –> 00:08:39,440 and at the end of this election, within one month, 173 00:08:39,440 –> 00:08:44,299 half of our country is going to be very disappointed, 174 00:08:44,299 –> 00:08:45,140 right? 175 00:08:47,419 –> 00:08:49,840 I hope you’re not going to be disappointed 176 00:08:49,840 –> 00:08:52,099 unless, of course, you think different from me. 177 00:08:54,559 –> 00:08:56,299 But if you are disappointed, 178 00:08:56,299 –> 00:08:57,820 how are you going to respond? 179 00:09:00,200 –> 00:09:01,440 Just big issue, isn’t it? 180 00:09:02,780 –> 00:09:04,900 What’s your attitude going to be? 181 00:09:08,979 –> 00:09:10,619 The Fifth Commandment frames out 182 00:09:10,619 –> 00:09:14,200 one of the ten greatest struggles of our lives, 183 00:09:15,559 –> 00:09:16,859 living with authority. 184 00:09:18,260 –> 00:09:22,260 And sometimes authority that we wouldn’t choose. 185 00:09:24,299 –> 00:09:25,559 Now let’s get into it together, 186 00:09:25,559 –> 00:09:27,239 and the place to start, obviously, 187 00:09:27,239 –> 00:09:29,760 is with what the commandment actually means. 188 00:09:29,760 –> 00:09:31,719 Honor your father and your mother. 189 00:09:31,719 –> 00:09:33,340 What does that mean? 190 00:09:33,340 –> 00:09:36,780 Now the word honor literally means 191 00:09:36,780 –> 00:09:41,780 give weight to or regard as heavy. 192 00:09:43,580 –> 00:09:46,619 So literally translated the Fifth Commandment says, 193 00:09:46,619 –> 00:09:51,619 regard your father and mother as heavy 194 00:09:51,619 –> 00:09:56,619 or give weight to your father and to your mother, 195 00:09:56,780 –> 00:09:57,820 that’s literally what it means. 196 00:09:57,820 –> 00:09:59,500 So if your father or your mother 197 00:09:59,500 –> 00:10:01,020 happens to be a few pounds over, 198 00:10:01,020 –> 00:10:02,500 I don’t want to be insensitive here, 199 00:10:02,500 –> 00:10:05,119 you will find this very easy to remember. 200 00:10:07,000 –> 00:10:09,099 What it’s saying is very obvious. 201 00:10:10,419 –> 00:10:12,619 When your father and your mother say something, 202 00:10:12,619 –> 00:10:14,260 don’t take it lightly. 203 00:10:15,099 –> 00:10:18,859 Give weight to them, to their words and to their advice, 204 00:10:18,859 –> 00:10:21,419 don’t brush it off, take it seriously. 205 00:10:22,419 –> 00:10:25,580 Give weight to what your father and your mother think, 206 00:10:25,580 –> 00:10:28,080 to what your father and your mother say, 207 00:10:28,080 –> 00:10:30,460 and to what your father and your mother desire. 208 00:10:31,460 –> 00:10:33,700 Now, obviously, what this looks like in practice 209 00:10:33,700 –> 00:10:38,440 will develop and change over the course of a lifetime. 210 00:10:38,440 –> 00:10:41,580 For children, honoring your father and your mother 211 00:10:41,580 –> 00:10:44,940 means very simply doing what they say. 212 00:10:44,940 –> 00:10:47,419 Children, obey your parents in the lord, 213 00:10:47,419 –> 00:10:49,940 Paul says in Ephesians 6, 1, for this is right, 214 00:10:50,020 –> 00:10:52,520 if you obey your parents, children. 215 00:10:53,419 –> 00:10:56,340 And, of course, Jesus himself is our example here. 216 00:10:56,340 –> 00:10:58,440 The Bible tells us that in his childhood, 217 00:10:58,440 –> 00:11:00,380 he was subject to his parents. 218 00:11:00,380 –> 00:11:02,520 He was obedient to his parents. 219 00:11:02,520 –> 00:11:04,780 That’s Luke 2.51. 220 00:11:04,780 –> 00:11:06,679 So let me give this encouragement to children 221 00:11:06,679 –> 00:11:08,140 in the congregation today. 222 00:11:09,020 –> 00:11:12,479 Do what your mom and your dad tells you. 223 00:11:13,820 –> 00:11:16,320 Try your best to do it cheerfully. 224 00:11:17,320 –> 00:11:22,299 Make it a joy for them to be your mom and your dad. 225 00:11:23,260 –> 00:11:25,859 Watch out for ways in which you can show them 226 00:11:25,859 –> 00:11:29,200 that you love them, as they love you. 227 00:11:30,320 –> 00:11:32,960 Children, obey your parents. 228 00:11:34,200 –> 00:11:36,020 And then as you get a little bit older 229 00:11:36,020 –> 00:11:38,020 and you have a little bit more freedom, 230 00:11:39,119 –> 00:11:41,900 don’t use your home as a bed and breakfast. 231 00:11:43,260 –> 00:11:46,099 Don’t see your parents as a cash point 232 00:11:46,799 –> 00:11:48,659 or a laundry service. 233 00:11:49,679 –> 00:11:52,580 Honor your father and your mother. 234 00:11:52,580 –> 00:11:56,659 Give weight to them in your life. 235 00:11:57,960 –> 00:12:00,359 Now, obviously this commandment is not just for children. 236 00:12:00,359 –> 00:12:01,580 It doesn’t say honor your father 237 00:12:01,580 –> 00:12:02,580 and your mother when you’re young, 238 00:12:02,580 –> 00:12:04,739 it says honor your father and your mother. 239 00:12:04,739 –> 00:12:07,179 So, it’s going to move on beyond childhood, 240 00:12:07,179 –> 00:12:10,260 and the second stage, of course, is in adult life. 241 00:12:10,260 –> 00:12:13,099 And as you launch out on adult life, 242 00:12:13,099 –> 00:12:16,859 the relationship with your parent obviously changes. 243 00:12:16,859 –> 00:12:20,039 You’re no longer under the obligation of obedience, 244 00:12:20,039 –> 00:12:24,880 but God still calls us to give to our parents honor. 245 00:12:24,880 –> 00:12:27,119 And a lot of misery would be avoided 246 00:12:27,119 –> 00:12:30,539 if we would heed this advice. 247 00:12:30,539 –> 00:12:33,219 I think it was Mark Twain who said, 248 00:12:33,219 –> 00:12:38,219 when I was 18, I thought that my father new nothing. 249 00:12:39,400 –> 00:12:42,900 When I was 21, I was amazed at how much he had learned 250 00:12:42,919 –> 00:12:44,299 in just three years. 251 00:12:45,799 –> 00:12:48,700 Now, your father and your mother are not always right, 252 00:12:50,179 –> 00:12:55,179 but they do know you and they have seen more of life 253 00:12:56,159 –> 00:12:57,340 than you have. 254 00:12:58,900 –> 00:13:01,760 So in the big decisions of life, 255 00:13:01,760 –> 00:13:06,760 I urge you, listen to what they have to say. 256 00:13:06,840 –> 00:13:07,679 Don’t say. 257 00:13:09,200 –> 00:13:13,080 Don’t say when they give you counsel 258 00:13:13,080 –> 00:13:14,719 from the heart with weight. 259 00:13:14,719 –> 00:13:18,719 Don’t say, oh, that’s just mum and dad. 260 00:13:20,200 –> 00:13:24,080 Say, especially if it’s in a major decision of life, 261 00:13:24,080 –> 00:13:28,280 say, this is the opinion 262 00:13:29,119 –> 00:13:31,119 of my father 263 00:13:32,840 –> 00:13:35,440 and of my mother. 264 00:13:36,440 –> 00:13:38,719 Give it weight. 265 00:13:41,599 –> 00:13:45,479 And as I began to think about it, 266 00:13:47,159 –> 00:13:52,080 even within my own limited circle of 20 years, 267 00:13:52,080 –> 00:13:55,679 faces and names flooded into my mind. 268 00:13:57,400 –> 00:14:01,039 Folks who made a major decision and rued the day 269 00:14:02,039 –> 00:14:06,000 that they didn’t listen to a father or to a mother. 270 00:14:09,400 –> 00:14:10,400 Give it weight. 271 00:14:11,640 –> 00:14:13,119 That’s what God says to you. 272 00:14:16,000 –> 00:14:19,880 Now having said that, we do need to remember 273 00:14:19,880 –> 00:14:24,880 that to honor does not mean to obey without question. 274 00:14:25,080 –> 00:14:28,059 And again, here we have the example of Jesus. 275 00:14:28,059 –> 00:14:30,679 Remember as he entered adult life 276 00:14:30,719 –> 00:14:33,820 he began his ministry and there was an occasion 277 00:14:33,820 –> 00:14:36,419 when his mother and his brothers tried to hold him back. 278 00:14:36,419 –> 00:14:39,299 We’re told about that in Mark in chapter three. 279 00:14:39,299 –> 00:14:42,539 But Jesus did not allow them to stop him 280 00:14:42,539 –> 00:14:44,900 from doing the will of God. 281 00:14:44,900 –> 00:14:46,979 And remember that on one occasion Jesus said 282 00:14:46,979 –> 00:14:49,200 anyone who loves father and mother more than me 283 00:14:49,200 –> 00:14:50,820 is not worthy of me. 284 00:14:50,820 –> 00:14:52,299 So the Bible makes it very clear 285 00:14:52,299 –> 00:14:56,780 that your primary loyalties are first to God 286 00:14:56,780 –> 00:14:58,919 and second, if you’re married to your husband 287 00:14:59,099 –> 00:15:02,140 and to your wife and a wise parent 288 00:15:02,140 –> 00:15:05,460 will recognize that reality and support it. 289 00:15:07,340 –> 00:15:10,020 Third, we move into the stage of old age 290 00:15:11,320 –> 00:15:13,500 and again the relationship changes 291 00:15:14,359 –> 00:15:18,780 when your father and your mother reach their later years 292 00:15:18,780 –> 00:15:21,700 God calls you still to honor them 293 00:15:21,700 –> 00:15:24,159 and to show the way that you honor them 294 00:15:24,159 –> 00:15:25,799 in the way that you care for them. 295 00:15:25,900 –> 00:15:29,359 In other words, we are to give weight 296 00:15:29,359 –> 00:15:34,359 to the needs of parents in their older years. 297 00:15:34,440 –> 00:15:36,119 And, of course, by extension 298 00:15:36,119 –> 00:15:38,659 and all of the commandments focus on one point 299 00:15:38,659 –> 00:15:40,200 that opens up a whole category 300 00:15:40,200 –> 00:15:41,780 explained in the rest of the Bible, 301 00:15:41,780 –> 00:15:44,140 the rest of the Bible speaks about honoring the king 302 00:15:44,140 –> 00:15:46,260 for example, honoring those in government, 303 00:15:46,260 –> 00:15:48,640 it’s all an extension of the fifth commandment. 304 00:15:49,500 –> 00:15:52,400 Paul says to Timothy in 1 Timothy chapter five 305 00:15:52,400 –> 00:15:55,039 and verse two in the context of the church, 306 00:15:55,580 –> 00:15:58,419 to treat older women, he says, as mothers. 307 00:16:00,880 –> 00:16:03,979 In other words, for younger folks 308 00:16:03,979 –> 00:16:06,460 there’s to be a respect in the very way 309 00:16:06,460 –> 00:16:09,719 that we speak to and regard older people. 310 00:16:10,659 –> 00:16:12,799 There’s a respect and an honor 311 00:16:12,799 –> 00:16:15,119 that we should treat those who are older 312 00:16:15,119 –> 00:16:17,739 within the community like we would treat a father. 313 00:16:17,739 –> 00:16:20,000 Like we would treat a mother. 314 00:16:20,000 –> 00:16:21,219 That’s a biblical principle, 315 00:16:21,219 –> 00:16:23,539 we’re to give weight to their needs. 316 00:16:23,539 –> 00:16:25,460 They’re not to be brushed aside. 317 00:16:26,400 –> 00:16:28,359 This is very important. 318 00:16:28,359 –> 00:16:30,400 And again, Jesus is our example. 319 00:16:30,400 –> 00:16:34,460 One of the most beautiful pictures and realities 320 00:16:34,460 –> 00:16:36,760 when he’s suffering in the agony on the cross, 321 00:16:36,760 –> 00:16:37,859 do you remember this? 322 00:16:37,859 –> 00:16:41,799 He’s engaged in the greatest venture of all human history. 323 00:16:41,799 –> 00:16:43,260 Some of us think we’re so busy 324 00:16:43,260 –> 00:16:45,239 we haven’t time for parents maybe. 325 00:16:45,239 –> 00:16:48,580 Jesus was engaged in the greatest venture in human history 326 00:16:48,580 –> 00:16:51,299 and in his agony on the cross, 327 00:16:51,340 –> 00:16:54,659 right in the middle of the work of saving the world. 328 00:16:56,280 –> 00:17:00,280 He looks down at his mother and next to her is John 329 00:17:01,340 –> 00:17:04,000 and he says, mother behold your son. 330 00:17:05,439 –> 00:17:07,880 Son, behold your mother. 331 00:17:10,099 –> 00:17:11,780 And the Bible tells us from that moment on 332 00:17:11,780 –> 00:17:16,260 John took Mary, the mother of Jesus into his own home. 333 00:17:16,260 –> 00:17:18,660 Think of it, in his agony. 334 00:17:19,380 –> 00:17:24,339 Our Lord is providing for the care of his mother 335 00:17:24,339 –> 00:17:26,739 into her old age. 336 00:17:27,780 –> 00:17:31,339 That’s how important this was for Jesus. 337 00:17:32,739 –> 00:17:37,739 On the cross, he obeys the fifth commandment. 338 00:17:38,979 –> 00:17:43,140 He gave weight, even as he’s dying 339 00:17:44,280 –> 00:17:47,540 to the needs of his mother. 340 00:17:49,500 –> 00:17:54,260 Older people need to be loved, heard, respected. 341 00:17:59,959 –> 00:18:02,099 One of the greatest dangers is that we become 342 00:18:02,099 –> 00:18:04,380 so busy in our little lives 343 00:18:04,380 –> 00:18:09,079 that other things that seem so important to us impede. 344 00:18:11,199 –> 00:18:12,800 Then it becomes a question, 345 00:18:12,800 –> 00:18:14,959 how long was it since there was last a visit? 346 00:18:14,959 –> 00:18:17,459 How long was it since there was last a phone call? 347 00:18:19,000 –> 00:18:22,380 Listen to this, from 1 Timothy Chapter 5 in verse 8. 348 00:18:22,380 –> 00:18:23,239 Apostle Paul says, 349 00:18:23,239 –> 00:18:25,859 if anyone does not provide for his relatives 350 00:18:25,859 –> 00:18:28,300 and especially for his immediate family, 351 00:18:28,300 –> 00:18:30,020 he has denied the faith 352 00:18:31,459 –> 00:18:33,260 and is worse than an unbeliever. 353 00:18:33,260 –> 00:18:35,560 Could you imagine stronger language than that? 354 00:18:38,140 –> 00:18:41,219 Now there is no formula as to how this should be done. 355 00:18:42,260 –> 00:18:43,780 But the principle is clear, 356 00:18:43,800 –> 00:18:47,060 and as my parents become older, 357 00:18:47,060 –> 00:18:50,839 I am to give weight to their needs. 358 00:18:51,900 –> 00:18:54,900 Every situation is different. 359 00:18:54,900 –> 00:18:56,660 But the principle is clear. 360 00:18:57,979 –> 00:18:59,699 That weight may involve my money. 361 00:18:59,699 –> 00:19:01,479 That weight will involve my time. 362 00:19:04,219 –> 00:19:05,579 But it matters to God, 363 00:19:07,699 –> 00:19:08,979 so it should matter to me. 364 00:19:10,819 –> 00:19:12,359 Now, it seems to me that this commandment 365 00:19:12,359 –> 00:19:16,040 then raises two very, very important questions. 366 00:19:16,040 –> 00:19:21,040 The first is how can I parent with honor? 367 00:19:22,560 –> 00:19:24,880 For all those who are called to parenthood, 368 00:19:24,880 –> 00:19:26,900 this great question obviously arises 369 00:19:26,900 –> 00:19:28,040 from the fifth commandment, 370 00:19:28,040 –> 00:19:32,180 how can I be a parent who is worthy of honor? 371 00:19:32,180 –> 00:19:33,979 And the second question that’s running 372 00:19:33,979 –> 00:19:36,680 already in some of our minds is simply this, 373 00:19:36,680 –> 00:19:40,400 how can I honor an unworthy parent? 374 00:19:40,400 –> 00:19:43,160 And there are some unworthy parents. 375 00:19:43,160 –> 00:19:45,839 How can I be a parent who is worthy of honor, 376 00:19:45,839 –> 00:19:49,300 and how can I honor an unworthy parent? 377 00:19:50,359 –> 00:19:52,140 And remember here as we go through this 378 00:19:52,140 –> 00:19:56,520 that you can include by extension from these principles 379 00:19:56,520 –> 00:19:58,479 other authority figures in your life. 380 00:19:58,479 –> 00:20:01,359 The same principles that apply to effective parenting 381 00:20:01,359 –> 00:20:04,119 apply in many ways to other positions 382 00:20:04,119 –> 00:20:06,800 of leadership also where you’re given authority. 383 00:20:06,800 –> 00:20:08,880 And the same principles that apply 384 00:20:08,920 –> 00:20:11,920 to honoring an unworthy parent 385 00:20:11,920 –> 00:20:15,479 apply to other situations where you may be working for 386 00:20:15,479 –> 00:20:17,040 or under the authority in some way 387 00:20:17,040 –> 00:20:21,239 of someone you find very, very difficult indeed. 388 00:20:21,239 –> 00:20:22,739 So two important questions. 389 00:20:23,760 –> 00:20:27,400 First then parenting worthy of honor. 390 00:20:27,400 –> 00:20:29,000 And it seems appropriate that today 391 00:20:29,000 –> 00:20:32,400 we should take some moments to encourage parents 392 00:20:32,400 –> 00:20:33,959 in this high calling. 393 00:20:34,839 –> 00:20:39,099 God has given you a high calling indeed. 394 00:20:40,079 –> 00:20:41,819 Think about this parents, 395 00:20:42,920 –> 00:20:47,920 as the first authority figures in the life of a child, 396 00:20:48,500 –> 00:20:51,459 you will play a huge role 397 00:20:52,339 –> 00:20:56,780 in shaping their knowledge and their understanding of God. 398 00:20:58,020 –> 00:21:01,000 The high calling of parenthood is that you stand 399 00:21:01,000 –> 00:21:05,160 in the place of God as far as your child is concerned. 400 00:21:05,160 –> 00:21:10,160 God calls you to represent him in the life of your child, 401 00:21:10,500 –> 00:21:13,760 that of course is the significance of the word father. 402 00:21:14,800 –> 00:21:19,800 God is father and when he gives you that name, 403 00:21:21,719 –> 00:21:25,760 he puts you in the position of representing him 404 00:21:25,760 –> 00:21:27,020 to your child. 405 00:21:27,160 –> 00:21:28,000 Okay. 406 00:21:29,140 –> 00:21:31,660 There are two boys in this world 407 00:21:33,380 –> 00:21:37,839 and their first knowledge of what a father is 408 00:21:39,060 –> 00:21:40,380 came from me. 409 00:21:43,219 –> 00:21:46,339 And my calling has been and is to give them 410 00:21:46,339 –> 00:21:49,640 a true reflection of the image of God. 411 00:21:51,459 –> 00:21:54,959 That’s the high calling of a father or of a mother. 412 00:21:55,900 –> 00:22:00,359 Think of how you stand in the place of God 413 00:22:00,359 –> 00:22:02,140 with regards to your child. 414 00:22:02,140 –> 00:22:03,939 You are the guardian. 415 00:22:04,979 –> 00:22:06,640 You are the provider. 416 00:22:07,660 –> 00:22:09,000 You are the shepherd. 417 00:22:10,040 –> 00:22:11,959 You are the intercessor. 418 00:22:11,959 –> 00:22:13,339 You are the teacher. 419 00:22:13,339 –> 00:22:14,819 You are the example. 420 00:22:14,819 –> 00:22:17,619 And the greatest question that I face as a parent 421 00:22:17,619 –> 00:22:22,300 is how am I representing God to this child? 422 00:22:22,300 –> 00:22:23,459 That’s what it’s about. 423 00:22:25,939 –> 00:22:28,319 So, for example, to boil it down, 424 00:22:28,319 –> 00:22:31,939 I need to responsive to the requests of my children 425 00:22:31,939 –> 00:22:35,119 because I want them to know that that’s what God is like. 426 00:22:35,119 –> 00:22:36,479 He hears all our requests. 427 00:22:36,479 –> 00:22:38,140 He is generous. 428 00:22:38,140 –> 00:22:42,280 But I didn’t give my kids everything that they ask for 429 00:22:42,280 –> 00:22:45,119 because if I do, I misrepresent God. 430 00:22:46,619 –> 00:22:50,560 I need to show my kids that I will never stop loving them 431 00:22:50,560 –> 00:22:53,180 because that is what God is like. 432 00:22:54,040 –> 00:22:55,900 But I also need them to understand 433 00:22:55,900 –> 00:22:58,300 that if they were to choose a wrong path, 434 00:22:58,300 –> 00:23:00,579 it always brings painful consequences. 435 00:23:00,579 –> 00:23:04,380 If I don’t teach them that, I misrepresent God. 436 00:23:06,020 –> 00:23:09,079 I need my children to see that I am on their side, 437 00:23:09,079 –> 00:23:12,699 that I am for them, that when they hit trouble, 438 00:23:12,699 –> 00:23:17,040 I stand with them in it, and will always seek their good 439 00:23:17,040 –> 00:23:19,699 because that is what God is like. 440 00:23:20,540 –> 00:23:22,979 But I also need them to know 441 00:23:22,979 –> 00:23:24,699 that if they choose a wrong path, 442 00:23:24,699 –> 00:23:27,599 my aim is to bring them back, 443 00:23:27,599 –> 00:23:30,619 not to confirm them in it, 444 00:23:30,619 –> 00:23:33,760 because otherwise, I misrepresent God. 445 00:23:33,760 –> 00:23:36,959 The highest purpose of all parenting 446 00:23:36,959 –> 00:23:38,880 is to show what God is like, 447 00:23:38,880 –> 00:23:40,739 and that is why being a parent 448 00:23:40,739 –> 00:23:44,579 is the greatest incentive ever for knowing God. 449 00:23:45,739 –> 00:23:47,579 How can you do this job 450 00:23:47,739 –> 00:23:50,000 if you do not walk with God? 451 00:23:55,260 –> 00:23:57,500 I think of some men within our own church community 452 00:23:57,500 –> 00:23:58,540 who said to me, you know, 453 00:23:58,540 –> 00:24:00,459 the thing that brought me to my senses 454 00:24:00,459 –> 00:24:01,660 in my walk with God, 455 00:24:01,660 –> 00:24:03,760 was when my first child was born, 456 00:24:03,760 –> 00:24:07,180 and I thought, I’ve got to get this right. 457 00:24:08,579 –> 00:24:11,439 And I need the help of God. 458 00:24:11,439 –> 00:24:13,359 You need the Holy Spirit 459 00:24:14,359 –> 00:24:17,619 to pursue this kind of parenting. 460 00:24:17,619 –> 00:24:20,140 You need to be growing in your own knowledge of God 461 00:24:20,140 –> 00:24:24,219 if you’re to represent God faithfully to a child. 462 00:24:25,180 –> 00:24:27,520 But as you learn who God is, 463 00:24:28,540 –> 00:24:31,959 that will be your template for parenting. 464 00:24:35,339 –> 00:24:38,140 Now, God has put parents in a position of authority. 465 00:24:38,140 –> 00:24:39,099 And so, obviously, 466 00:24:39,099 –> 00:24:41,020 a key component of parenting well 467 00:24:41,800 –> 00:24:43,979 is to learn to use this authority. 468 00:24:43,979 –> 00:24:44,939 And that’s true, of course, 469 00:24:44,939 –> 00:24:47,979 whether it be at home or in business or in the church. 470 00:24:47,979 –> 00:24:51,719 You need to know how to use authority effectively. 471 00:24:51,719 –> 00:24:55,719 And the abuse of authority always leads to pain. 472 00:24:57,819 –> 00:24:59,199 Now, nobody wants to be a bad parent, 473 00:24:59,199 –> 00:25:00,800 nobody wants to be a bad leader. 474 00:25:00,800 –> 00:25:02,180 And so I want to suggest to you 475 00:25:02,180 –> 00:25:04,020 that there are three qualities 476 00:25:04,020 –> 00:25:06,260 that we especially need 477 00:25:06,260 –> 00:25:08,859 in order to use authority well. 478 00:25:09,739 –> 00:25:11,800 They are wisdom, 479 00:25:12,699 –> 00:25:14,319 sufficiency, 480 00:25:15,239 –> 00:25:16,400 and love. 481 00:25:17,380 –> 00:25:21,900 These are the boundaries within which God calls you 482 00:25:21,900 –> 00:25:25,819 to exercise whatever authority is given to you. 483 00:25:25,819 –> 00:25:28,180 And abuse begins 484 00:25:29,339 –> 00:25:31,819 when authority is exercised 485 00:25:31,819 –> 00:25:34,959 outside one of these three boundaries. 486 00:25:36,099 –> 00:25:38,420 Let’s take a moment to consider them together. 487 00:25:39,060 –> 00:25:40,160 First, wisdom. 488 00:25:41,459 –> 00:25:44,619 Use the authority that God has given to you 489 00:25:45,619 –> 00:25:47,619 whether it be in business, whether it be in the family, 490 00:25:47,619 –> 00:25:50,199 whether it be in the church, whatever it is. 491 00:25:50,199 –> 00:25:53,380 Use the authority that God has given to you 492 00:25:53,380 –> 00:25:55,380 with wisdom. 493 00:25:56,979 –> 00:25:58,099 Probably the best known verse 494 00:25:58,099 –> 00:25:59,400 in the Bible on parenting 495 00:25:59,400 –> 00:26:01,060 is in Proverbs 22, verse six. 496 00:26:01,060 –> 00:26:02,199 We all know this one. 497 00:26:02,199 –> 00:26:05,180 Train up a child in the way that he should go 498 00:26:05,180 –> 00:26:08,180 and when he is old, can we finish it? 499 00:26:08,280 –> 00:26:12,359 When he is old, he will not depart from it. 500 00:26:12,359 –> 00:26:13,699 Know that verse so well. 501 00:26:14,540 –> 00:26:16,739 I am always grateful 502 00:26:18,040 –> 00:26:20,660 to the pastor who pointed out to me 503 00:26:20,660 –> 00:26:23,000 that that verse is singular. 504 00:26:23,979 –> 00:26:26,199 Train up a child 505 00:26:27,219 –> 00:26:29,339 in the way he should go, 506 00:26:30,819 –> 00:26:34,859 so that while we teach the same moral principles 507 00:26:34,859 –> 00:26:36,199 to all children, 508 00:26:37,199 –> 00:26:39,339 the wise parent will remember 509 00:26:39,339 –> 00:26:41,839 that no two children are the same. 510 00:26:43,500 –> 00:26:45,300 I happened to be watching for a few minutes 511 00:26:45,300 –> 00:26:47,739 a rodeo the other day. 512 00:26:47,739 –> 00:26:50,420 It’s a fascinating thing this, you know. 513 00:26:50,420 –> 00:26:54,099 These guys down in Texas riding bulls 514 00:26:54,099 –> 00:26:56,979 and trying to hold on for 10 seconds. 515 00:26:57,900 –> 00:27:00,000 And most of them seem to have broken 516 00:27:00,000 –> 00:27:02,739 every bone in their body at some time 517 00:27:02,739 –> 00:27:05,380 in the pursuit of this rather strange activity. 518 00:27:06,540 –> 00:27:09,040 Now I guess, in fact, I’m very sure 519 00:27:09,040 –> 00:27:12,119 that there are some general principles 520 00:27:12,119 –> 00:27:13,420 for bull riding. 521 00:27:14,400 –> 00:27:16,119 But the thing that fascinated me 522 00:27:16,119 –> 00:27:18,520 from the commentary in the interviews afterwards 523 00:27:18,520 –> 00:27:21,319 was that these guys seemed to know 524 00:27:21,319 –> 00:27:24,839 that every bull was different, 525 00:27:24,839 –> 00:27:27,760 and that knowing the bull 526 00:27:27,760 –> 00:27:31,280 was the key to sustaining the ride. 527 00:27:31,280 –> 00:27:32,239 I know some of you are thinking 528 00:27:32,239 –> 00:27:34,680 this is a very good picture of parenting. 529 00:27:35,260 –> 00:27:40,260 No two children are ever the same. 530 00:27:43,599 –> 00:27:44,979 So guide them with wisdom. 531 00:27:47,560 –> 00:27:49,119 I’m thankful for the mentor 532 00:27:49,119 –> 00:27:51,280 who encouraged me to try and distinguish 533 00:27:51,280 –> 00:27:54,119 between the cosmetic and the corrupting, 534 00:27:54,119 –> 00:27:55,560 I find that so helpful. 535 00:27:57,079 –> 00:27:58,400 Don’t make a big deal 536 00:27:58,400 –> 00:28:00,560 over a thing that has little consequence, 537 00:28:00,560 –> 00:28:02,939 but be sure that you don’t turn a blind eye 538 00:28:02,939 –> 00:28:04,599 to that which will corrupt. 539 00:28:05,500 –> 00:28:08,719 Look at the wisdom of God. 540 00:28:10,660 –> 00:28:13,760 He knows how to handle every one of his children 541 00:28:13,760 –> 00:28:16,260 in every situation of life 542 00:28:16,260 –> 00:28:17,699 and if you look at the pictures 543 00:28:17,699 –> 00:28:19,800 that God uses to describe his own children 544 00:28:19,800 –> 00:28:22,660 in the Old Testament, it’s absolutely fascinating. 545 00:28:22,660 –> 00:28:25,199 In one place, Hosea chapter eight and verse nine, 546 00:28:25,199 –> 00:28:26,739 God describes his own children 547 00:28:26,739 –> 00:28:29,079 as being like a wild donkey. 548 00:28:30,099 –> 00:28:33,219 Maybe your kids are like wild donkeys sometimes, 549 00:28:34,040 –> 00:28:37,400 in another place, God describes his own children 550 00:28:37,400 -> 00:28:39,780 as a bruised reed. 551 00:28:41,040 –> 00:28:45,300 And wisdom can tell when your child’s being a wild donkey 552 00:28:45,300 –> 00:28:47,099 and when he’s a bruised reed. 553 00:28:48,599 –> 00:28:51,219 And discerning the difference, 554 00:28:52,479 –> 00:28:55,540 you will know how to use your strength. 555 00:28:57,439 –> 00:28:58,280 That’s wisdom. 556 00:28:59,680 –> 00:29:01,160 Second, sufficiency. 557 00:29:03,719 –> 00:29:05,420 I’ve chosen this word carefully 558 00:29:07,119 –> 00:29:09,819 from the conviction that the greatest hindrance 559 00:29:09,819 –> 00:29:13,699 to parenting with honor may come for some 560 00:29:14,819 –> 00:29:19,339 when a father or a mother tries to use a child 561 00:29:19,339 –> 00:29:23,219 to fulfill their own unmet needs. 562 00:29:23,219 –> 00:29:24,900 Most obvious example, of course, 563 00:29:24,900 –> 00:29:27,439 a father or a mother who’s not felt loved, 564 00:29:27,439 –> 00:29:29,640 perhaps doesn’t even feel fulfilled within the marriage 565 00:29:30,479 –> 00:29:33,800 and tries to find what is lacking from the child 566 00:29:33,800 –> 00:29:36,880 and it creates a kind of a dependency. 567 00:29:36,880 –> 00:29:39,160 And of course a parent who is to wisely exercise 568 00:29:39,160 –> 00:29:41,280 this authority, at some points will need to make 569 00:29:41,280 –> 00:29:44,000 an unpopular choice, and if you have become 570 00:29:44,000 –> 00:29:46,680 emotionally dependent on your child, 571 00:29:46,680 –> 00:29:48,839 you simply won’t be able to do that. 572 00:29:50,180 –> 00:29:52,819 It was a wise father who said to his son, 573 00:29:52,819 –> 00:29:56,199 If I ever have to choose, notice that phrase, 574 00:29:56,540 –> 00:29:59,760 if I ever have to choose, between being your father 575 00:29:59,760 –> 00:30:03,300 and your friend, I hope that God will always give me 576 00:30:03,300 –> 00:30:06,540 the grace to choose to be your father, 577 00:30:06,540 –> 00:30:10,819 because you have many friends, you have one father, 578 00:30:13,000 –> 00:30:15,180 and sometimes you do have to choose, 579 00:30:15,180 –> 00:30:16,739 make an unpopular choice. 580 00:30:18,839 –> 00:30:20,900 Or a father and a mother who have their own 581 00:30:20,900 –> 00:30:25,500 unfulfilled hopes and dreams, and they desperately, 582 00:30:26,219 –> 00:30:27,839 desperately want their son or their daughter 583 00:30:27,839 –> 00:30:31,380 to do or to be what they did not accomplish. 584 00:30:32,699 –> 00:30:35,599 So what happens is that you push and push 585 00:30:35,599 –> 00:30:38,040 and push and push and push, 586 00:30:39,500 –> 00:30:41,040 because you want them to be something 587 00:30:41,040 –> 00:30:43,400 that you would have wanted to be and you missed, 588 00:30:44,239 –> 00:30:47,239 and you’re trying to live it out vicariously through them. 589 00:30:49,319 –> 00:30:52,680 Or a father or a mother who so needs to be needed, 590 00:30:53,680 –> 00:30:57,140 that when the time for the child to go comes 591 00:30:57,140 –> 00:30:59,640 and establish his or her independence, 592 00:30:59,640 –> 00:31:02,400 you just won’t let go. 593 00:31:04,260 –> 00:31:05,800 Now, you see, all of these things 594 00:31:05,800 –> 00:31:08,000 are traced back to some kind 595 00:31:08,000 –> 00:31:12,140 of insufficiency within ourselves. 596 00:31:13,619 –> 00:31:15,959 And the Bible speaks so plainly about this. 597 00:31:15,959 –> 00:31:20,760 Our sufficiency is of God. 598 00:31:22,979 –> 00:31:26,920 My sufficiency dearen’t be my children. 599 00:31:28,359 –> 00:31:30,619 That of course, would be to put them in the place of God. 600 00:31:30,619 –> 00:31:32,760 You’re back to the first commandment again. 601 00:31:34,020 –> 00:31:37,119 Using your children to fulfill your own unmet needs 602 00:31:37,119 –> 00:31:38,979 always in the end, will bring damage 603 00:31:38,979 –> 00:31:41,520 both to you and to them. 604 00:31:42,719 –> 00:31:45,699 And of course, it’s the same in any job. 605 00:31:45,699 –> 00:31:48,439 How many of us are tempted to use our job 606 00:31:48,439 –> 00:31:49,979 and the authority that we have there 607 00:31:49,979 –> 00:31:52,339 to fulfill unmet needs within ourselves? 608 00:31:53,339 –> 00:31:54,180 And it causes damage to you 609 00:31:54,180 –> 00:31:56,619 and it causes damage to those who are around you. 610 00:31:57,859 –> 00:31:59,819 Damage will come from anything 611 00:32:01,359 –> 00:32:05,599 that you try to stuff into the space 612 00:32:05,599 –> 00:32:08,020 that only God can fill. 613 00:32:09,560 –> 00:32:10,459 Sufficiency. 614 00:32:11,920 –> 00:32:13,839 The last thing here is love. 615 00:32:15,119 –> 00:32:17,479 Authority without love, you see, 616 00:32:17,479 –> 00:32:21,719 authority that moves outside of this boundary of love 617 00:32:21,739 –> 00:32:23,400 will always be destructive. 618 00:32:23,400 –> 00:32:27,479 Love woos, but it never forces. 619 00:32:28,560 –> 00:32:30,920 I found that a very, very helpful distinction 620 00:32:30,920 –> 00:32:32,819 and a very obvious one once you see it. 621 00:32:32,819 –> 00:32:37,560 Love woos, but it never forces. 622 00:32:38,520 –> 00:32:40,579 And this is so important it seems to me 623 00:32:40,579 –> 00:32:42,260 for all of us who have this high calling 624 00:32:42,260 –> 00:32:43,760 of Christian parenting. 625 00:32:43,760 –> 00:32:47,040 Sometimes we long so deeply and passionately 626 00:32:47,040 –> 00:32:49,239 for our children to follow Christ 627 00:32:49,280 –> 00:32:52,040 that we run the risk of manipulation. 628 00:32:53,920 –> 00:32:58,560 And as parents, and as pastors, 629 00:32:58,560 –> 00:33:01,500 and Sunday school teachers, 630 00:33:01,500 –> 00:33:04,359 we need to remember that we have the power 631 00:33:04,359 –> 00:33:06,579 to lead a child to do almost anything 632 00:33:06,579 –> 00:33:08,760 and therefore we didn’t abuse it. 633 00:33:10,000 –> 00:33:12,839 A compliant child will say a prayer 634 00:33:12,839 –> 00:33:14,880 that you want him or her to say 635 00:33:14,880 –> 00:33:17,599 if you approach it in that kind of a way 636 00:33:17,599 –> 00:33:19,540 that persuades them and that is 637 00:33:19,540 –> 00:33:21,599 precisely what you must not do. 638 00:33:23,359 –> 00:33:24,560 Here’s the danger. 639 00:33:26,040 –> 00:33:28,739 That in my enthusiasm to see my children 640 00:33:28,739 –> 00:33:31,800 follow Christ I push them towards 641 00:33:31,800 –> 00:33:33,719 a decision that they have not yet 642 00:33:33,719 –> 00:33:36,199 truly made in and of their own souls 643 00:33:36,199 –> 00:33:37,660 that I therefore tell them that 644 00:33:37,660 –> 00:33:39,880 they have come to Christ, when in fact 645 00:33:39,880 –> 00:33:41,920 they have not, and they conclude 646 00:33:41,920 –> 00:33:43,400 five years down the line 647 00:33:43,400 –> 00:33:45,280 that coming to Christ is nothing at all 648 00:33:45,280 –> 00:33:46,479 because it was nothing at all 649 00:33:46,520 –> 00:33:47,859 except when I said to them. 650 00:33:49,920 –> 00:33:52,400 Let’s be very, very, very careful 651 00:33:52,400 –> 00:33:54,959 about putting pressure on our kids 652 00:33:54,959 –> 00:33:56,300 to be baptized. 653 00:33:57,979 –> 00:34:01,719 Pressure on our kids to profess faith. 654 00:34:02,560 –> 00:34:04,359 I will never forget the wisdom 655 00:34:04,359 –> 00:34:06,839 of a lecture by Elizabeth Catherwood, 656 00:34:06,839 –> 00:34:09,600 the daughter of Dr. Martin Lloyd-Jones, 657 00:34:09,600 –> 00:34:11,739 a great Christian leader. 658 00:34:13,139 –> 00:34:14,719 And she told a story that she’d learned 659 00:34:14,719 –> 00:34:16,320 in later life from her mother. 660 00:34:17,479 –> 00:34:18,879 She was in her early teens, 661 00:34:18,879 –> 00:34:21,419 and a pastor who was a friend of the Lloyd-Jones family 662 00:34:21,419 –> 00:34:24,820 came and was visiting and had said to Lloyd-Jones, 663 00:34:24,820 –> 00:34:27,080 now, Elizabeth, your daughter, she’s 14. 664 00:34:27,080 –> 00:34:29,080 and she hasn’t professed faith yet. 665 00:34:30,800 –> 00:34:33,479 Don’t you think it’s time you had a talk with her. 666 00:34:36,360 –> 00:34:38,139 Lloyd-Jones was a powerful man. 667 00:34:39,919 –> 00:34:42,520 And his friend meant by that comment 668 00:34:42,520 –> 00:34:44,159 that he should make, at this point, 669 00:34:44,199 –> 00:34:49,159 a direct attempt to lead her to a decision for Christ. 670 00:34:50,560 –> 00:34:52,860 And Lloyd-Jones just said this, 671 00:34:52,860 –> 00:34:56,419 she will come when she is ready. 672 00:34:59,719 –> 00:35:01,360 And I went to my first church. 673 00:35:01,360 –> 00:35:03,120 I found that in the Sunday school, 674 00:35:04,379 –> 00:35:06,739 they had adopted this habit with young children 675 00:35:06,739 –> 00:35:11,080 of bringing the children forward when it was their birthday. 676 00:35:12,080 –> 00:35:14,800 And the Sunday school leader would say, 677 00:35:14,800 –> 00:35:18,800 now, Johnny, do you have a second birthday? 678 00:35:21,340 –> 00:35:24,219 And if he said no, the leader would say, 679 00:35:24,219 –> 00:35:27,260 would you like to have a second birthday? 680 00:35:27,260 –> 00:35:30,560 What kid doesn’t want to have a second birthday? 681 00:35:32,679 –> 00:35:34,500 Then there was the line about being born again. 682 00:35:34,500 –> 00:35:36,219 The moment I heard about it, 683 00:35:36,219 –> 00:35:40,179 I asked and insisted that that be stopped. 684 00:35:41,560 –> 00:35:42,419 That is not evangelism. 685 00:35:42,419 –> 00:35:46,239 That is manipulation of a young child. 686 00:35:47,939 –> 00:35:49,479 And we didn’t do it. 687 00:35:50,520 –> 00:35:52,239 It produces a bunch of kids 688 00:35:52,239 –> 00:35:53,840 that assume they’re born again 689 00:35:53,840 –> 00:35:54,679 because the Sunday school teacher 690 00:35:54,679 –> 00:35:55,780 or their parent told them so, 691 00:35:55,780 –> 00:35:58,300 but have no experience of Christ. 692 00:35:59,679 –> 00:36:01,560 It’s the worst thing you could do. 693 00:36:01,560 –> 00:36:03,399 Some of us are still suffering from it. 694 00:36:03,399 –> 00:36:04,520 We think we’re Christians, 695 00:36:04,520 –> 00:36:07,760 but the truth is we have no experience of Christ. 696 00:36:11,739 –> 00:36:13,760 In his book on the Christian family, 697 00:36:13,760 –> 00:36:16,199 Lloyd-Jones describes a children’s meeting 698 00:36:16,199 –> 00:36:19,399 in which pressure is put on a child to make a decision, 699 00:36:19,399 –> 00:36:21,399 and I think the strength of his language 700 00:36:22,520 –> 00:36:23,840 is entirely appropriate. 701 00:36:23,840 –> 00:36:25,760 He says, that should never be done. 702 00:36:26,600 –> 00:36:29,620 You are violating the personality of the child. 703 00:36:30,560 –> 00:36:31,419 In addition, of course, 704 00:36:31,419 –> 00:36:32,340 you are displaying 705 00:36:32,340 –> 00:36:34,679 a profound ignorance of the way of salvation. 706 00:36:34,679 –> 00:36:37,179 You can make a little child decide anything. 707 00:36:37,179 –> 00:36:39,280 You have the power and the ability to do so. 708 00:36:39,280 –> 00:36:40,320 It is wrong. 709 00:36:40,419 –> 00:36:41,479 It is unchristian. 710 00:36:41,479 –> 00:36:43,000 It is unspiritual. 711 00:36:43,000 –> 00:36:43,840 We must, therefore, 712 00:36:43,840 –> 00:36:46,560 never attempt to be too direct in this matter, 713 00:36:46,560 –> 00:36:48,179 especially with a child. 714 00:36:48,179 –> 00:36:49,679 Never too emotional. 715 00:36:49,679 –> 00:36:51,959 If your child feels uncomfortable 716 00:36:51,959 –> 00:36:52,979 as you are talking to him 717 00:36:52,979 –> 00:36:54,540 about spiritual matters, 718 00:36:54,540 –> 00:36:56,419 or if you are talking to someone else’s child 719 00:36:56,419 –> 00:36:57,659 and he feels uncomfortable, 720 00:36:57,659 –> 00:36:59,439 your method is obviously wrong. 721 00:37:00,399 –> 00:37:02,320 You are bringing pressure to bear. 722 00:37:02,320 –> 00:37:04,419 That is not the way to do this work. 723 00:37:05,840 –> 00:37:06,959 See, the key here is, 724 00:37:06,959 –> 00:37:09,360 don’t attempt to do the work of the Holy Spirit. 725 00:37:10,399 –> 00:37:13,060 My work as a father is to teach. 726 00:37:13,060 –> 00:37:14,239 I must do that. 727 00:37:15,159 –> 00:37:18,560 To pray, I must do that. 728 00:37:18,560 –> 00:37:20,560 And to seek, to the best of my ability, 729 00:37:20,560 –> 00:37:21,679 to be a Godly example. 730 00:37:21,679 –> 00:37:22,719 That’s my work. 731 00:37:24,639 –> 00:37:27,340 Converting my children is the work of the Holy Spirit, 732 00:37:29,199 –> 00:37:30,600 and I need to have the faith 733 00:37:32,580 –> 00:37:33,840 to rest in God there. 734 00:37:35,199 –> 00:37:38,040 Otherwise, I’ll use 735 00:37:38,399 –> 00:37:41,580 my strength to manipulate. 736 00:37:44,320 –> 00:37:46,520 And if I do that, I am abusing authority 737 00:37:47,800 –> 00:37:50,500 because love woos, 738 00:37:52,040 –> 00:37:54,120 but it never forces. 739 00:37:56,080 –> 00:37:57,800 You’re handling a life. 740 00:37:58,919 –> 00:38:00,959 You’re handling a soul. 741 00:38:03,000 –> 00:38:06,679 So remember, when it comes to matters of faith, 742 00:38:06,679 –> 00:38:09,120 as you seek those particular opportunities 743 00:38:09,120 –> 00:38:12,560 that will come where there is openness to share, 744 00:38:12,560 –> 00:38:16,659 love woos, but it never forces, 745 00:38:16,659 –> 00:38:19,600 and the wise parent will always discern the difference. 746 00:38:21,679 –> 00:38:23,159 Now, of course, this leads to the question, 747 00:38:23,159 –> 00:38:24,979 where are we going to find this wisdom 748 00:38:24,979 –> 00:38:27,760 and this sufficiency and this love, you know? 749 00:38:27,760 –> 00:38:29,040 You think this is challenging. 750 00:38:29,040 –> 00:38:30,120 I had to write this stuff. 751 00:38:30,120 –> 00:38:31,919 I’ve been living with this all week. 752 00:38:34,080 –> 00:38:35,439 Which of us, as parents, thinks, 753 00:38:35,439 –> 00:38:37,340 my, we’ve just got this right. 754 00:38:40,719 –> 00:38:42,800 But the answer is that you and I together 755 00:38:42,800 –> 00:38:45,840 will find what we need for parenting in God. 756 00:38:47,199 –> 00:38:48,540 God is our wisdom. 757 00:38:49,600 –> 00:38:51,800 God is our sufficiency. 758 00:38:51,800 –> 00:38:53,939 You see, that’s the beautiful thing about God. 759 00:38:53,939 –> 00:38:56,239 He’s not only wise, He’s sufficient. 760 00:38:56,239 –> 00:38:57,600 I am who I am. 761 00:38:57,600 –> 00:38:58,639 I don’t need You. 762 00:38:58,639 –> 00:39:01,739 He’s not using His people as some kind of emotional crutch. 763 00:39:01,739 –> 00:39:03,199 He’s not dependent on us. 764 00:39:03,260 –> 00:39:05,760 That’s why He’s able to love us freely. 765 00:39:07,500 –> 00:39:08,500 He is love. 766 00:39:10,080 –> 00:39:11,500 That is His very nature. 767 00:39:13,080 –> 00:39:14,479 And so we have one more question 768 00:39:14,479 –> 00:39:16,340 to address briefly in these last moments. 769 00:39:16,340 –> 00:39:19,399 And that is to do with honoring the unworthy parent. 770 00:39:19,399 –> 00:39:20,419 We’ve asked the question, 771 00:39:20,419 –> 00:39:23,479 how can I be a parent worthy of honor? 772 00:39:23,479 –> 00:39:27,360 And we’ve sought to bring together some biblical counsel. 773 00:39:27,360 –> 00:39:29,379 And now very briefly this question, 774 00:39:29,379 –> 00:39:32,260 how am I to go about honoring an unworthy parent? 775 00:39:32,260 –> 00:39:33,500 And let’s just cut to the chase. 776 00:39:33,500 –> 00:39:35,520 There are some parents who are unworthy 777 00:39:35,520 –> 00:39:40,520 who have misrepresented God and have done great damage. 778 00:39:42,479 –> 00:39:44,340 Some parents are not worthy of honor. 779 00:39:45,260 –> 00:39:46,860 The Bible has plenty of examples. 780 00:39:46,860 –> 00:39:48,320 I think of Saul. 781 00:39:48,320 –> 00:39:51,899 Think of the father that Saul was to Jonathan. 782 00:39:51,899 –> 00:39:53,780 Read that story in 1 Samuel. 783 00:39:55,060 –> 00:40:00,060 The mood swings, the fits of rage, the irrational behavior. 784 00:40:00,260 –> 00:40:03,060 Saul is a study in abused authority. 785 00:40:03,060 –> 00:40:04,600 And you remember that at one point 786 00:40:04,600 –> 00:40:07,379 he threw a javelin at Jonathan. 787 00:40:07,379 –> 00:40:10,479 What kind of father throws a spear at his son? 788 00:40:12,959 –> 00:40:14,899 I say that because some of you have the idea 789 00:40:14,899 –> 00:40:16,540 that God and the Bible knows nothing 790 00:40:16,540 –> 00:40:17,939 about the pain of your experience. 791 00:40:17,939 –> 00:40:20,739 Open the Bible and you will find that this God 792 00:40:20,739 –> 00:40:24,439 knows what pain in the family is all about. 793 00:40:26,820 –> 00:40:28,780 The Bible recognizes very clearly 794 00:40:28,840 –> 00:40:32,560 the pain of bad parenting, and God never asks you 795 00:40:32,560 –> 00:40:35,580 to pretend that bad parents were good 796 00:40:35,580 –> 00:40:38,139 or that neglectful parents are honorable. 797 00:40:39,100 –> 00:40:40,699 That’s just a flight from truth. 798 00:40:42,280 –> 00:40:44,219 So the obvious question is, how do you honor 799 00:40:44,219 –> 00:40:46,879 an unworthy parent or a teacher or a boss 800 00:40:46,879 –> 00:40:48,780 or anyone else in a position of authority 801 00:40:48,780 –> 00:40:51,340 who you find it difficult to respect? 802 00:40:53,080 –> 00:40:54,540 Well, think of it this way. 803 00:40:55,540 –> 00:41:00,540 The unworthy parent is one who had authority 804 00:41:01,840 –> 00:41:06,840 but not wisdom, not sufficiency, and not love. 805 00:41:10,020 –> 00:41:14,320 They did not have what only God can give. 806 00:41:16,620 –> 00:41:18,600 Some folks just don’t know how to love. 807 00:41:20,699 –> 00:41:23,919 Some folks are crippled by their own unmet needs, 808 00:41:25,060 –> 00:41:29,139 and some folks haven’t begun to know wisdom 809 00:41:29,139 –> 00:41:31,000 that begins from knowing God. 810 00:41:34,800 –> 00:41:39,800 And some of us have pain because there is alienation 811 00:41:40,679 –> 00:41:43,040 because your parents are still in that position. 812 00:41:47,000 –> 00:41:52,000 Ask God to give you compassion for them. 813 00:41:52,060 –> 00:41:57,060 For them, pray that God will give them 814 00:41:58,639 –> 00:42:01,320 what they desperately lack. 815 00:42:04,159 –> 00:42:06,040 That’s the spirit of Jesus. 816 00:42:08,239 –> 00:42:10,239 He has compassion. 817 00:42:13,300 –> 00:42:17,719 And compassion keeps the door to repentance open. 818 00:42:18,060 –> 00:42:22,280 And remember as you think about this, 819 00:42:22,280 –> 00:42:25,860 that the healing for many deep wounds 820 00:42:26,959 –> 00:42:30,320 will begin when you look away from the failings 821 00:42:30,320 –> 00:42:34,100 of your parents and up into the face of God. 822 00:42:37,239 –> 00:42:40,340 If they misrepresented God to you, 823 00:42:40,340 –> 00:42:45,340 then thank God that he is not what they represented, right? 824 00:42:45,379 –> 00:42:46,179 Thank God. 825 00:42:47,379 –> 00:42:49,820 That’s the breakthrough that some of us have to make. 826 00:42:49,820 –> 00:42:52,639 If they misrepresented God to you, 827 00:42:52,639 –> 00:42:57,639 then thank God that he is not what you feared. 828 00:42:58,719 –> 00:43:03,719 He is not the one that they misrepresented. 829 00:43:05,100 –> 00:43:06,919 Look to the God of the Bible, 830 00:43:08,020 –> 00:43:10,659 the God who hears the cries of his people. 831 00:43:11,620 –> 00:43:15,899 To Jesus, as he gives himself in compassion on the cross, 832 00:43:18,280 –> 00:43:21,520 the final authority in the universe, 833 00:43:23,179 –> 00:43:25,840 this is important every time we struggle with authority, 834 00:43:25,840 –> 00:43:29,120 the final authority in the universe 835 00:43:29,120 –> 00:43:32,560 belongs to the one who knows how to use it. 836 00:43:34,419 –> 00:43:36,659 He is all together wise. 837 00:43:37,560 –> 00:43:40,120 He is completely self-sufficient, 838 00:43:41,020 –> 00:43:43,340 and his very nature is love. 839 00:43:45,399 –> 00:43:47,639 Rejoice, the Lord is King. 840 00:43:53,479 –> 00:43:55,060 Let’s pray together. 841 00:43:58,159 –> 00:44:00,800 Father in heaven, in the stillness of these moments, 842 00:44:00,800 –> 00:44:02,719 we bow in your presence. 843 00:44:04,060 –> 00:44:08,399 With all our needs, that only you can meet. 844 00:44:09,399 –> 00:44:11,719 With all our mountains, and to climb, 845 00:44:11,719 –> 00:44:14,439 that only you can give us the strength for. 846 00:44:17,360 –> 00:44:19,580 And all our wounds, that only you can heal. 847 00:44:22,840 –> 00:44:24,719 Some of us cry out to you right now, 848 00:44:24,719 –> 00:44:28,699 asking that you will help us to be worthy parents. 849 00:44:30,719 –> 00:44:31,659 To walk with you. 850 00:44:34,340 –> 00:44:36,760 Some of us cry out to you that you would help us 851 00:44:36,760 –> 00:44:41,760 to live what it is, to be a Christ-honoring son, 852 00:44:43,439 –> 00:44:44,280 or daughter. 853 00:44:46,840 –> 00:44:49,080 Some of us cry out to you that you will 854 00:44:50,439 –> 00:44:54,219 enable us to look away from the failings 855 00:44:54,219 –> 00:44:55,840 of an earthly father or mother. 856 00:44:58,639 –> 00:45:03,060 And find healing in the arms of a loving Heavenly Father. 857 00:45:04,040 –> 00:45:07,899 Who reaches out to us in the nail pierced hands of Jesus. 858 00:45:10,179 –> 00:45:12,679 Thank you that final authority in this world 859 00:45:12,679 –> 00:45:14,919 does not rest in the hand of an abuser, 860 00:45:17,540 –> 00:45:19,320 rather in the nail pierced hands 861 00:45:19,320 –> 00:45:22,860 of a savior who has all wisdom, 862 00:45:24,179 –> 00:45:26,360 who is entirely sufficient, 863 00:45:28,020 –> 00:45:31,639 and who is, in his very nature, love. 864 00:45:33,399 –> 00:45:34,500 We bow in worship. 865 00:45:36,199 –> 00:45:39,620 Hear our prayer in Jesus’ name. 866 00:45:41,340 –> 00:45:42,179 Amen.