Ten Keys to Effective Parenting

2 Timothy 3:10
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The sermon titled “Unless the Lord Builds the House” focuses on God’s design for a Christian family. Pastor Colin reflects on 2 Timothy 3:10, emphasising the importance of continuing in what one has learned. He illustrates that living an authentic Christian life speaks louder than words, using Timothy’s faith nurtured by his mother and grandmother as an example.

Pastor Colin encourages older believers to continue in their faith as their consistency is vital for younger generations. He stresses that parents and mentors should cultivate life-shaping relationships with their children and those they mentor. These relationships should be intentional, as illustrated by his personal anecdotes of spending quality time with his children.

The sermon outlines ten key aspects of a mentor’s or parent’s life that should be shared: teaching, way of life, purpose, faith, patience, love, endurance, persecutions, sufferings, and deliverance. He encourages open discussions with children about these areas to lead by example and leave a lasting impact.

Pastor Colin also acknowledges that some may feel regret for not having lived this way earlier, but he affirms that change is always possible through Christ. He urges parents and mentors to actively shape the lives entrusted to them by sharing their faith and experiences authentically.

1 00:00:00,000 –> 00:00:06,480 Unless the Lord Builds the House is the title of our series and we’re really looking at God’s 2 00:00:06,480 –> 00:00:14,880 design for a Christian family. Now, we focused last week on 2 Timothy 3 and verse 14, and we’re 3 00:00:14,880 –> 00:00:21,360 returning to the same passage today to focus particularly on verse 10, so I hope you’ll have 4 00:00:21,360 –> 00:00:28,719 2 Timothy and chapter 3 open in front of you. Last week, we looked at verse 14, where Paul 5 00:00:28,719 –> 00:00:35,040 says to Timothy, continue in what you have learned, why should a person continue in what 6 00:00:35,040 –> 00:00:43,040 they’ve learned? Why should a young Christian go on in Christ? Reason is what he says in verse 14, 7 00:00:43,040 –> 00:00:50,160 because you know from whom you have learned it. We saw that Timothy learned the gospel from his 8 00:00:50,160 –> 00:00:54,880 mother. She taught him the Bible, and she modeled an authentic Christian life, 9 00:00:54,880 –> 00:01:01,279 and Paul says to Timothy, now, here’s the reason for you pressing on as a Christian for 10 00:01:01,279 –> 00:01:06,959 the rest of your life, you continue in what you’ve learned because you know from whom you have 11 00:01:06,959 –> 00:01:12,639 learned it. You’ve seen the life-changing power of the gospel in your mother. You have seen it 12 00:01:12,639 –> 00:01:18,239 in your grandmother. You have seen it in me, Timothy. You have seen this, you know this. 13 00:01:18,320 –> 00:01:25,839 Now continue in what has been modelled for you. We saw last week that how you 14 00:01:25,839 –> 00:01:29,919 live will always speak louder than what you teach. 15 00:01:30,800 –> 00:01:35,680 Continue. Let me say this word of encouragement to older believers, 16 00:01:37,120 –> 00:01:40,000 to everyone in the congregation who is a grandparent, 17 00:01:41,199 –> 00:01:44,639 to folks who are looking at retiring in the next five years, 18 00:01:45,120 –> 00:01:49,320 to folks who are in the later years and stages of life. 19 00:01:49,320 –> 00:01:55,120 Your continuing matters to all of us who are younger. 20 00:01:57,360 –> 00:02:02,559 Those who learn the faith from you, your children and now your grandchildren, 21 00:02:02,559 –> 00:02:05,040 are watching how you continue. 22 00:02:07,040 –> 00:02:11,600 You are our examples of faith until the last breath leaves your body 23 00:02:12,240 –> 00:02:14,399 and you go into the presence of Jesus. 24 00:02:16,639 –> 00:02:19,119 We need you to finish well. 25 00:02:20,960 –> 00:02:22,639 We need you to keep the faith. 26 00:02:22,639 –> 00:02:24,639 We need you to finish the course 27 00:02:25,360 –> 00:02:31,759 and then we will have an example to look up to and to continue following. 28 00:02:36,160 –> 00:02:40,000 Alongside parents God has given the gift of partners. 29 00:02:40,800 –> 00:02:46,800 Friends, mentors, pastors, who will also, alongside the parents, build into the life 30 00:02:46,800 –> 00:02:51,199 of a younger person and Paul is a wonderful example of this. 31 00:02:51,199 –> 00:02:57,440 He mentored Timothy and in verse 10, which is going to be our focus today. 32 00:02:57,440 –> 00:03:03,839 We have a fascinating summary of what this mentoring looked like and so I want to draw 33 00:03:03,839 –> 00:03:13,039 your attention to verse 10, where Paul says to Timothy, you know all about, and then he 34 00:03:13,039 –> 00:03:18,360 gives a list of the things that Timothy knew about the apostle Paul. 35 00:03:18,360 –> 00:03:20,460 See, there was a relationship here. 36 00:03:20,460 –> 00:03:25,639 They traveled together, worked together, talked together, prayed together and this became 37 00:03:25,639 –> 00:03:32,360 a life shaping relationship for Timothy and Paul writes to him and said, now you know 38 00:03:32,679 –> 00:03:34,039 all about. 39 00:03:34,039 –> 00:03:40,559 Now, that raises a question before we go any further, a question particularly for parents. 40 00:03:41,759 –> 00:03:45,440 What do your children know about you? 41 00:03:45,440 –> 00:03:47,199 It’s a very important question. 42 00:03:47,199 –> 00:03:51,880 Now, I don’t mean, you know, do they know where are you were born and do they know your 43 00:03:51,880 –> 00:03:55,320 favorite food and do they know what school you went to and all this kind of thing? 44 00:03:55,320 –> 00:03:57,279 I’m asking what do they know about you? 45 00:03:57,279 –> 00:04:00,380 What do they know about your struggles? 46 00:04:00,380 –> 00:04:07,679 What do they know about what God is doing in your life right now? 47 00:04:07,679 –> 00:04:15,880 I want to encourage every parent to cultivate a life-shaping relationship with your children, 48 00:04:15,880 –> 00:04:22,739 and that can happen in a thousand ways, but if you are serious about a life-shaping relationship 49 00:04:22,739 –> 00:04:27,619 with your children, it makes sense that you have a plan as to how you’re going to go 50 00:04:27,940 –> 00:04:29,600 doing this. 51 00:04:31,220 –> 00:04:34,940 I guess we’re all deeply thankful to others in particular ways. 52 00:04:34,940 –> 00:04:39,279 Here’s one way in which I owe an enormous debt. 53 00:04:39,279 –> 00:04:46,640 Some years ago, Ray Greene, a member of the congregation here, said to me, Colin, be sure 54 00:04:46,640 –> 00:04:53,559 you spend good time with your kids during their teenage years. 55 00:04:53,799 –> 00:04:59,720 Now, I have tried to follow Ray’s example as he outlined what he did, and over these 56 00:04:59,720 –> 00:05:05,640 last years, I’ve had the joy of spending an evening each week with one of our two boys. 57 00:05:05,640 –> 00:05:08,600 It started with Andrew. 58 00:05:08,600 –> 00:05:09,980 Now it continues with David. 59 00:05:09,980 –> 00:05:11,959 We spend a Wednesday evening together. 60 00:05:11,959 –> 00:05:15,820 We hang out in shops, we eat together, sometimes we play tennis. 61 00:05:15,820 –> 00:05:21,239 There’s no particular structure except that Wednesday is our time. 62 00:05:22,160 –> 00:05:28,480 David gets to know more about me, and I get to know more about him. 63 00:05:28,480 –> 00:05:35,559 I have to tell you, it is a wonderful joy for me to see multiple ways in which families 64 00:05:35,559 –> 00:05:41,000 are doing this kind of thing, not only with teenagers, but even with younger children. 65 00:05:41,000 –> 00:05:45,980 Pastor Greg Norwine was telling me that they have a thing going in their family. 66 00:05:45,980 –> 00:05:47,619 Greg and Marsha have two children. 67 00:05:47,739 –> 00:05:52,279 Emily, who is age 10, and Jonathan, who is age seven. 68 00:05:52,279 –> 00:05:56,640 When Greg takes them out, they go for donuts. 69 00:05:56,640 –> 00:06:00,540 And when Marsha takes them out, they go for muffins. 70 00:06:00,540 –> 00:06:05,619 So it’s donuts with Dad and muffins with Mom. 71 00:06:05,619 –> 00:06:07,299 I love that. 72 00:06:07,299 –> 00:06:12,000 I think Emily and Jonathan, when they’re 70 years old, will be looking back and saying, 73 00:06:12,000 –> 00:06:16,799 yes, when we were kids, we did donuts with Dad and muffins with Mom, and probably the 74 00:06:16,799 –> 00:06:24,320 next two generations will take it up, and it’ll become a great tradition. 75 00:06:24,320 –> 00:06:28,880 What do you want your kids to know about you? 76 00:06:28,880 –> 00:06:35,959 If you had 10 years of donuts with Dad and muffins with Mom, what would you want to share 77 00:06:35,959 –> 00:06:41,880 of yourself with your children or with your grandchildren? 78 00:06:41,959 –> 00:06:45,519 What would you want them to know about you? 79 00:06:45,519 –> 00:06:52,519 And when I counted up what Paul refers to in this verse 10 here, I noticed that there 80 00:06:54,119 –> 00:06:56,480 are 10 things. 81 00:06:56,480 –> 00:06:58,399 10 things. 82 00:06:58,399 –> 00:07:01,500 That sounds a little bit bland. 83 00:07:01,500 –> 00:07:04,359 10 principles, I thought. 84 00:07:04,359 –> 00:07:11,359 No, no, that’s far too high-brow, and then it occurred to me, these are 10 keys. 85 00:07:12,459 –> 00:07:15,279 10 keys. 86 00:07:15,279 –> 00:07:21,779 It’s amazing how the Scripture is ordered in this way, but there are, you count them, 87 00:07:21,779 –> 00:07:24,779 10 keys for effective parenting. 88 00:07:24,779 –> 00:07:31,339 And this one verse gives us a checklist of what you would want your children to know 89 00:07:31,339 –> 00:07:38,339 about you if you are seeking to cultivate a life-shaped relationship. 90 00:07:38,380 –> 00:07:43,640 What you will want to open up of yourself, obviously in an age appropriate level, and 91 00:07:43,640 –> 00:07:49,880 it will be more as they mature, but if they’re going to follow your example, they need to 92 00:07:49,880 –> 00:07:51,380 know what that example is. 93 00:07:51,380 –> 00:07:52,660 They need to know your life. 94 00:07:52,660 –> 00:07:54,779 They need to know you. 95 00:07:54,779 –> 00:08:01,779 Now, this verse not only gives us a model for parenting, it obviously gives us a wonderful 96 00:08:02,220 –> 00:08:07,880 model for mentoring, a Scriptural pattern for what mentoring can look like. 97 00:08:08,040 –> 00:08:11,579 Remember, this is Paul’s relationship with Timothy that is being described. 98 00:08:11,579 –> 00:08:18,579 So, for those who are not parents today, but who do want to have a life-shaping relationship, 99 00:08:18,600 –> 00:08:24,160 perhaps with another younger person into whose life you can build, you can switch the title 100 00:08:24,160 –> 00:08:25,880 and just think of it this way. 101 00:08:25,880 –> 00:08:31,279 You can call it Ten Keys for Effective Mentoring, because it’s the same thing that is applied 102 00:08:31,279 –> 00:08:33,280 in both circumstances. 103 00:08:33,719 –> 00:08:43,119 Here in this one verse, are ten things that you will want to share of yourself that will 104 00:08:43,140 –> 00:08:47,000 shape the life of another person. 105 00:08:47,000 –> 00:08:51,659 And just as a very practical suggestion, you may want to take these ten, you may want to 106 00:08:51,659 –> 00:08:57,119 focus on one of them each week for the next ten weeks in a life-shaping relationship that 107 00:08:57,119 –> 00:09:01,099 God is giving you the opportunity to cultivate and pursue. 108 00:09:01,659 –> 00:09:03,099 You ready for the ten together, then? 109 00:09:03,859 –> 00:09:04,359 Here we go. 110 00:09:04,479 –> 00:09:08,719 You’ll see it as we move through verse 10 of 2 Timothy three. 111 00:09:08,719 –> 00:09:15,599 Number one, you know all about, says Timothy, number one, my teaching. 112 00:09:16,820 –> 00:09:20,219 Now the important point here is that it’s personal. 113 00:09:20,219 –> 00:09:24,440 He doesn’t say, Timothy, you know all about the Old Testament teaching. 114 00:09:24,440 –> 00:09:26,900 He doesn’t say, you know all about the apostolic teaching. 115 00:09:26,900 –> 00:09:29,539 That was true, but that’s not the point here. 116 00:09:29,559 –> 00:09:34,380 This is the language of relationship, and so what Paul says is, you know all about my 117 00:09:34,380 –> 00:09:35,520 teaching. 118 00:09:36,260 –> 00:09:42,500 See, your children will learn what the church believes, but your kids desperately need to 119 00:09:42,500 –> 00:09:45,840 know what you believe. 120 00:09:45,840 –> 00:09:51,659 It is one thing for your kids to grow up knowing that the church believes in heaven and hell. 121 00:09:51,659 –> 00:09:57,619 It is entirely another thing for your kids to grow up and understand my Father believes 122 00:09:57,659 –> 00:10:00,840 in hell and heaven.” 123 00:10:00,840 –> 00:10:03,460 That has an altogether different impact. 124 00:10:03,460 –> 00:10:06,500 They need to know that. 125 00:10:06,500 –> 00:10:09,960 So what do your children know about what you believe? 126 00:10:09,960 –> 00:10:14,000 Your kids know what you believe about creation? 127 00:10:14,000 –> 00:10:18,520 About the effects of sin in the human personality? 128 00:10:18,520 –> 00:10:20,679 About the Bible? 129 00:10:20,679 –> 00:10:25,419 About who Jesus is, why he had to die, about the resurrection, about the power of the Holy 130 00:10:25,419 –> 00:10:30,179 Spirit in the life of a believer, the church, baptism, about communion, about the second 131 00:10:30,179 –> 00:10:33,719 coming of Christ, about the new heaven and the new earth. 132 00:10:33,719 –> 00:10:38,179 Don’t try and cover all that in one evening. 133 00:10:38,179 –> 00:10:44,700 But if you want your kids to follow in your path, they need to know what you believe. 134 00:10:44,700 –> 00:10:47,119 It will have a powerful impact in their lives. 135 00:10:47,119 –> 00:10:53,700 If you have not been motivated by anything else to learn, let this be your motivation 136 00:10:53,700 –> 00:10:58,739 because you do not want your kid to grow up saying, you know, my dad didn’t know 137 00:10:58,739 –> 00:11:02,400 what he believes. 138 00:11:02,400 –> 00:11:08,039 They might just follow your example. 139 00:11:08,039 –> 00:11:16,900 If your child was asked to write an essay, what my dad believes, what my mom believes, 140 00:11:16,900 –> 00:11:20,140 what would be the first thing they write? 141 00:11:20,140 –> 00:11:21,140 Suggestion. 142 00:11:22,099 –> 00:11:25,640 Why don’t you ask them? 143 00:11:25,640 –> 00:11:28,200 It could be a wonderful conversation to start. 144 00:11:28,200 –> 00:11:32,020 Why would you not want to ask them? 145 00:11:32,020 –> 00:11:35,239 When you think about what I believe, son, what’s the first thing that comes to your 146 00:11:35,239 –> 00:11:36,479 mind? 147 00:11:38,200 –> 00:11:42,900 Paul says, you know all about my teaching. 148 00:11:42,900 –> 00:11:47,260 Second, you know all about my way of life. 149 00:11:47,260 –> 00:11:51,000 See, it’s not just what you believe. 150 00:11:51,000 –> 00:11:54,080 It’s how you live. 151 00:11:54,080 –> 00:11:55,619 It’s how you spend your money. 152 00:11:55,619 –> 00:11:58,820 Your kids have a pretty good picture of that. 153 00:11:58,820 –> 00:12:02,580 It’s how you live within your means. 154 00:12:02,580 –> 00:12:04,919 Your kids have a pretty good picture of that, too. 155 00:12:04,919 –> 00:12:06,380 It’s about integrity. 156 00:12:08,739 –> 00:12:13,239 Just a few weeks ago, we had a guest in our home for Sunday lunch, an older Christian 157 00:12:13,239 –> 00:12:18,919 who took a particular interest, to our delight, in talking with David over the meal table. 158 00:12:18,919 –> 00:12:23,559 He wanted to know, particularly, what it was like for our son, David, to be a Christian 159 00:12:23,559 –> 00:12:25,479 in high school. 160 00:12:25,479 –> 00:12:31,880 And as the conversation progressed, this older Christian then said, you know, David I really 161 00:12:31,880 –> 00:12:36,840 struggled with Christianity when I was a teenager. 162 00:12:36,840 –> 00:12:46,479 And he said the problem was that people I looked up to didn’t really live the life. 163 00:12:46,479 –> 00:12:51,539 Then told a story about how he used to go on the train into the city where he lived. 164 00:12:51,539 –> 00:12:58,440 The fare was the equivalent, he said, of 10 cents for a child up to 10 years old. 165 00:12:58,440 –> 00:13:04,280 Then it was 20 cents for a child 10 years or over. 166 00:13:04,280 –> 00:13:08,200 My dad he said was an elder in the church. 167 00:13:08,200 –> 00:13:12,640 He always gave me 10 cents every time I went on the train. 168 00:13:12,659 –> 00:13:19,799 And after my tenth birthday I said to him, Dad it’s 20 cents now, but he gave me 10 cents 169 00:13:19,799 –> 00:13:23,140 and he said, don’t worry, nobody will know. 170 00:13:23,140 –> 00:13:33,219 He said, I think that was the beginning of my struggles all through my teenage years. 171 00:13:33,219 –> 00:13:36,700 You kids know your way of life. 172 00:13:36,859 –> 00:13:49,859 If you can think of a way in which your kids have seen a lack of integrity in you, I want 173 00:13:49,859 –> 00:13:54,900 to urge you today to confess it to them. 174 00:13:54,900 –> 00:14:01,700 It will give them hope if you do that. 175 00:14:01,700 –> 00:14:11,719 And you may well find that God uses your confession to further his work in their life. 176 00:14:11,719 –> 00:14:18,659 My teaching, my way of life, my purpose. 177 00:14:18,659 –> 00:14:20,099 Isn’t this a great statement? 178 00:14:20,099 –> 00:14:26,359 Paul could say to Timothy, you know all about my purpose. 179 00:14:26,359 –> 00:14:28,719 You know what’s important to me, Timothy. 180 00:14:28,719 –> 00:14:31,340 You know what I’m trying to do and what I’m trying to achieve in life. 181 00:14:31,380 –> 00:14:32,619 You know what I’m trying to become. 182 00:14:32,619 –> 00:14:34,140 You know about my purpose. 183 00:14:34,140 –> 00:14:38,739 Does your son or your daughter know your purpose? 184 00:14:38,739 –> 00:14:43,679 If your kids were asked, what matters more to mom, what matters more to dad than anything 185 00:14:43,679 –> 00:14:47,539 else, what would they say? 186 00:14:47,539 –> 00:14:50,419 Ask them. 187 00:14:50,419 –> 00:14:53,880 What do you think’s the most important thing to me in life? 188 00:14:53,880 –> 00:14:56,299 The answer might be very revealing. 189 00:14:56,659 –> 00:15:00,239 Fourth, my faith. 190 00:15:00,239 –> 00:15:04,919 You know, says Timothy, all about my faith. 191 00:15:04,919 –> 00:15:07,719 Now, notice again that it’s personal. 192 00:15:07,719 –> 00:15:14,020 He’s not talking about the faith, he’s talking about my faith. 193 00:15:14,020 –> 00:15:21,419 He says, you know my personal trust and personal confidence in God. 194 00:15:21,419 –> 00:15:24,960 So here’s the question that comes on this fourth key. 195 00:15:24,960 –> 00:15:27,919 Do your children see you? 196 00:15:27,919 –> 00:15:30,260 Do they hear you? 197 00:15:30,260 –> 00:15:39,679 Do they perceive you exercising faith in God through the tough passages of your life? 198 00:15:39,679 –> 00:15:44,679 Because your exercise of faith when you’re going through a struggle in life may just 199 00:15:44,679 –> 00:15:49,359 be one of the most powerful ways in which the reality of faith speaks to them. 200 00:15:49,359 –> 00:15:50,280 This is what they’re watching. 201 00:15:50,640 –> 00:16:03,659 I felt convicted about my own failure to do this one night just a few weeks ago. 202 00:16:03,659 –> 00:16:13,280 I had come home tired, worn out, discouraged, and over dinner I’d been talking on 203 00:16:13,380 –> 00:16:18,919 about difficulties, about frustrations, and this and that. 204 00:16:18,919 –> 00:16:27,380 All of which got me some sympathy, which is probably what I was looking for. 205 00:16:27,380 –> 00:16:31,119 But I didn’t sleep that night. 206 00:16:31,119 –> 00:16:34,880 And I have to say 207 00:16:34,880 –> 00:16:39,280 that somewhere in the early hours of the morning I found myself deeply convicted. 208 00:16:39,479 –> 00:16:47,919 Colin, you were talking in front of your own son as if you had no faith. 209 00:16:47,919 –> 00:16:53,640 You talked, as if there was no God. 210 00:16:53,640 –> 00:17:02,219 So the next night was my evening with David, and I said to him, 211 00:17:02,619 –> 00:17:07,619 David, I owe you an apology. 212 00:17:07,619 –> 00:17:17,880 When I was droning on last night, I was not speaking with faith. 213 00:17:17,880 –> 00:17:21,219 And you know, that led to the most marvellous discussion that the two of us shared about 214 00:17:21,219 –> 00:17:27,560 what it actually means to exercise faith when your own back is against the wall. 215 00:17:28,380 –> 00:17:36,500 And I said to him, David, if you hear me speaking like that in a way that doesn’t show any faith 216 00:17:36,500 –> 00:17:42,920 again, I want you to call me on it. 217 00:17:42,920 –> 00:17:52,119 Because, you see, I want to be able to say with the apostle Paul to my kids, you know 218 00:17:52,119 –> 00:17:54,599 all about my faith. 219 00:17:55,239 –> 00:18:01,160 And that means I’ve got to show it. 220 00:18:01,160 –> 00:18:05,800 I’ve got to live it. 221 00:18:05,800 –> 00:18:10,880 Here’s the fifth thing, my patience. 222 00:18:10,880 –> 00:18:14,180 You know all about my patience. 223 00:18:14,180 –> 00:18:16,380 Yikes. 224 00:18:16,380 –> 00:18:18,239 This is a hard one. 225 00:18:18,719 –> 00:18:26,119 I can’t imagine that patience came to the Apostle Paul easily, can you? 226 00:18:26,119 –> 00:18:31,180 Timothy knew about the times evidently when things did not move forward in the way that 227 00:18:31,180 –> 00:18:34,800 the Apostle Paul would have wanted, and he had to be patient. 228 00:18:34,800 –> 00:18:40,140 Patience is tough in an instant society. 229 00:18:40,140 –> 00:18:46,800 We plant the seed, and we want it to grow now. 230 00:18:46,800 –> 00:18:53,579 We take an initiative with our children, and we want our lives to be reshaped now. 231 00:18:53,579 –> 00:18:56,420 After a few weeks, a few months of doing the same thing, what happens? 232 00:18:56,420 –> 00:18:59,199 We get discouraged. 233 00:18:59,199 –> 00:19:09,160 Don’t expect someone else to learn in 10 weeks or 10 months what it took you 10 years 234 00:19:09,160 –> 00:19:16,520 to learn before the Lord, and it’s going to be three steps forward, and it’s sometimes 235 00:19:16,520 –> 00:19:24,199 going to be two steps back, and Paul’s able to say to Timothy, you know all about my patience. 236 00:19:24,199 –> 00:19:29,660 Thank God for that. 237 00:19:29,660 –> 00:19:33,640 Number six, you know about all my love. 238 00:19:33,640 –> 00:19:38,959 Here’s another dimension that we want to be clear in our communication. 239 00:19:38,959 –> 00:19:40,959 What a marvelous statement. 240 00:19:40,959 –> 00:19:44,160 Notice he does not say who this love is for. 241 00:19:44,839 –> 00:19:48,359 He doesn’t tell us whether he’s referring to his love for Timothy or his love for the 242 00:19:48,359 –> 00:19:50,219 church or his love for the Lord. 243 00:19:50,219 –> 00:19:58,219 In fact, he doesn’t need to because of course love is indivisible and if it is in you, it 244 00:19:58,219 –> 00:20:00,760 will radiate from you. 245 00:20:00,760 –> 00:20:04,260 Paul is filled with the love of Christ. 246 00:20:04,260 –> 00:20:08,160 He is living and pursuing a life of love. 247 00:20:08,160 –> 00:20:12,060 When Timothy comes to know Paul, he thereby experiences that love. 248 00:20:12,060 –> 00:20:16,420 If you had come to know Paul, you would have experienced it, too. 249 00:20:16,420 –> 00:20:24,040 Now, your kids will come to know your love not just by you telling them or showing them 250 00:20:24,040 –> 00:20:28,319 how much you love them, but they’ll come to know your love by what they see of your love 251 00:20:28,319 –> 00:20:32,900 towards other people, especially the folks who are most difficult in your life. 252 00:20:32,900 –> 00:20:39,739 See that’s the real test, easy to tell your kids you love them. 253 00:20:39,760 –> 00:20:45,920 Try and live so that your kids or anyone else looking at your life could say, you know, 254 00:20:45,920 –> 00:20:49,599 I see in him love consistently. 255 00:20:49,599 –> 00:20:54,180 You know about my love for you, son. 256 00:20:54,180 –> 00:20:57,119 You know about my love for you, mom. 257 00:20:57,119 –> 00:20:58,719 You know about my love for the Lord. 258 00:20:58,719 –> 00:21:00,640 You know about my love for the gospel. 259 00:21:00,640 –> 00:21:02,079 You know about my love for the church. 260 00:21:02,079 –> 00:21:07,880 You know about my love even for the person who’s most difficult in my life. 261 00:21:07,880 –> 00:21:10,199 You know all about my love. 262 00:21:10,199 –> 00:21:14,160 It’s indivisible. 263 00:21:14,160 –> 00:21:18,160 Seven, my endurance. 264 00:21:18,160 –> 00:21:23,819 You know all about my endurance. 265 00:21:23,819 –> 00:21:26,540 You know Timothy I’m not a quitter. 266 00:21:26,540 –> 00:21:30,979 Now, there may be times when it’s right to quit. 267 00:21:30,979 –> 00:21:35,800 The problem with quitting is that it is habit-forming. 268 00:21:35,920 –> 00:21:41,619 Once you walk away from pain once, there will be a strong impulse within you to do it again 269 00:21:41,619 –> 00:21:47,219 and again and again and again and eventually, that undermines character. 270 00:21:47,219 –> 00:21:51,000 Well, Paul was no quitter. 271 00:21:51,000 –> 00:21:54,599 He stuck with what God was calling him to do even when that was difficult. 272 00:21:54,599 –> 00:21:57,560 He could say to Timothy, you know about my endurance. 273 00:21:57,560 –> 00:21:59,739 You’ve seen this. 274 00:21:59,739 –> 00:22:02,300 you know that I don’t walk away when it gets tough. 275 00:22:02,300 –> 00:22:04,099 You’ve seen it in me. 276 00:22:04,380 –> 00:22:09,520 Now, you want your kids, you want your grandkids, you want someone whose life you’re trying 277 00:22:09,520 –> 00:22:14,939 to build into to see that and to know it, and to hear the story, and to understand what 278 00:22:14,939 –> 00:22:16,180 it meant. 279 00:22:18,160 –> 00:22:23,119 Number eight, my persecutions. 280 00:22:23,119 –> 00:22:26,920 You know all about my persecutions. 281 00:22:27,920 –> 00:22:34,739 Now, persecution of course is what it costs you to follow Christ. 282 00:22:34,739 –> 00:22:41,000 And so this raises a very important question, do your kids know what it has cost you to 283 00:22:41,000 –> 00:22:46,680 follow Jesus Christ? 284 00:22:46,680 –> 00:22:53,640 My own father’s life has shaped me in many ways. 285 00:22:53,699 –> 00:22:59,079 But none moreso than what it cost my dad to be a Christian. 286 00:22:59,079 –> 00:23:08,959 Dad was a policeman, he served in the city of Edinburgh as a detective, he worked preparing 287 00:23:08,959 –> 00:23:14,060 evidence for presentation in court. 288 00:23:14,060 –> 00:23:18,400 There was a case early in his career in which his boss told him to say something about a 289 00:23:18,400 –> 00:23:23,599 piece of evidence that wasn’t actually true. 290 00:23:23,599 –> 00:23:32,239 It wasn’t a big deal, it would not have changed the outcome, it was a technical point about 291 00:23:32,239 –> 00:23:35,880 who had actually worked on a particular piece of evidence, but what he was being asked to 292 00:23:35,880 –> 00:23:44,219 say was not true, and he wouldn’t do it. 293 00:23:44,219 –> 00:23:55,579 So he was branded as uncooperative, and there is no doubt in his mind, or in mine, that 294 00:23:55,579 –> 00:24:04,380 that significantly affected and impeded his career. 295 00:24:04,380 –> 00:24:12,079 Bottom line, if my dad had shaded the truth, we would have had more money when I was growing 296 00:24:12,079 –> 00:24:16,160 up. 297 00:24:16,160 –> 00:24:20,680 What I had instead was a father I admired. 298 00:24:20,680 –> 00:24:32,599 I still remember in my early teens when he told me that story, the pressure, the ridicule 299 00:24:32,599 –> 00:24:41,300 in the office, the cost. 300 00:24:41,300 –> 00:24:48,359 And it was the cost that captured my teenage imagination. 301 00:24:48,359 –> 00:25:01,060 I felt, as I picture it now with him telling me as if I had just heard something heroic. 302 00:25:01,060 –> 00:25:10,439 Loyalty to Jesus Christ matters more than money, than popularity. 303 00:25:10,439 –> 00:25:19,859 It matters more than getting your foot on the next rung of the ladder. 304 00:25:19,859 –> 00:25:24,119 And that is with me still. 305 00:25:24,119 –> 00:25:30,219 See, our kids know that integrity is costly. 306 00:25:30,219 –> 00:25:34,000 What they need to know is do you think it’s worth it? 307 00:25:34,000 –> 00:25:43,119 Then they’ll have something to follow. 308 00:25:43,119 –> 00:25:48,140 But if your kids never see you paying a price, why would they think that what you have is 309 00:25:48,140 –> 00:25:55,359 of any value? 310 00:25:55,359 –> 00:26:04,599 So I do want my kids to know what it costs me to follow Jesus. 311 00:26:04,599 –> 00:26:13,439 And most of all, I want them to know I’m convinced it’s worth it. 312 00:26:13,439 –> 00:26:16,119 My persecutions. 313 00:26:16,119 –> 00:26:21,319 Nine, my sufferings. 314 00:26:22,040 –> 00:26:26,560 Now if persecution refers to the cost of following Jesus, then suffering obviously refers more 315 00:26:26,560 –> 00:26:30,000 widely to things that are common in this life. 316 00:26:30,000 –> 00:26:35,280 The experience of suffering is common to all, but of course in a special way it tests the 317 00:26:35,280 –> 00:26:37,959 faith of a Christian believer. 318 00:26:37,959 –> 00:26:42,160 And so there will be some aspects of your life that have not come particularly because 319 00:26:42,160 –> 00:26:45,479 you’re a Christian, they’re just part of life, they would’ve happened anyway, the loss of 320 00:26:45,479 –> 00:26:50,939 a job, the collapse of a business, the death of a loved one, the experience of an illness, 321 00:26:50,939 –> 00:26:53,300 the battle with depression, or whatever it is. 322 00:26:53,300 –> 00:26:58,060 But do your kids know about your suffering? 323 00:26:58,060 –> 00:27:01,380 Wouldn’t you want them to know that? 324 00:27:01,380 –> 00:27:04,780 Wouldn’t you want them to know how your faith has been tested and tried, and how you have 325 00:27:04,780 –> 00:27:08,859 proved it and come through? 326 00:27:08,859 –> 00:27:13,239 As they’re growing, why would you not want to bring them into your struggles, let them 327 00:27:13,239 –> 00:27:17,780 know that your faith has been tested! 328 00:27:17,859 –> 00:27:21,420 And now it has stood the test. 329 00:27:21,420 –> 00:27:26,699 You’re suffering is part of your testimony to Jesus Christ! 330 00:27:26,699 –> 00:27:33,400 Your journey through it can provide a map for somebody else. 331 00:27:33,400 –> 00:27:40,339 When a soldier is wounded on the field of battle, he or she is awarded a purple heart, 332 00:27:40,339 –> 00:27:45,239 and the purple heart, of course, is a mark of great honour, you were wounded in the field 333 00:27:45,239 –> 00:27:50,439 of battle, you stood under fire. 334 00:27:50,439 –> 00:27:52,079 The purple heart. 335 00:27:52,079 –> 00:28:00,140 Now listen, spiritually there are many, many, purple hearts in this congregation. 336 00:28:00,140 –> 00:28:03,760 Your faith has been under fire! 337 00:28:03,760 –> 00:28:08,260 You have been tested in the crucible of suffering. 338 00:28:08,260 –> 00:28:12,920 And here you are, you’ve been wounded, but you’re still standing as one who loves and 339 00:28:12,920 –> 00:28:14,680 worships Jesus! 340 00:28:15,680 –> 00:28:19,839 Now, you’re not always going to wear your purple heart, you’re not going to flash it 341 00:28:19,839 –> 00:28:25,040 around as it were, but there will be times when you should share it. 342 00:28:25,040 –> 00:28:29,160 There will be folks in your life now and in the future. 343 00:28:29,160 –> 00:28:33,260 And it is part of the purpose of God that you will be able to minister strength to them 344 00:28:33,260 –> 00:28:38,900 through the testimony that has come from your sufferings. 345 00:28:38,900 –> 00:28:47,180 God has given you a testimony, and it is part of the example that you are able to share 346 00:28:47,180 –> 00:28:52,540 with someone whose life you have the opportunity to shape. 347 00:28:52,540 –> 00:28:54,260 Number 10, my deliverance. 348 00:28:54,260 –> 00:29:00,540 You know all kinds of things happened to me in Antioch, Iconium, Lystra, verse 11, the 349 00:29:00,540 –> 00:29:02,339 persecutions I endured. 350 00:29:02,339 –> 00:29:06,140 Yet the Lord rescued me from them all. 351 00:29:06,140 –> 00:29:07,140 That’s the last point. 352 00:29:07,140 –> 00:29:08,300 The Lord rescued me. 353 00:29:08,500 –> 00:29:10,579 Now, Paul says, you know about my deliverance. 354 00:29:10,579 –> 00:29:12,619 You know about how the Lord has brought me through. 355 00:29:12,619 –> 00:29:17,260 Do your kids know how the Lord has helped you? 356 00:29:17,260 –> 00:29:21,540 If your kids were asked to name three ways in which the Lord has really helped Dad in 357 00:29:21,540 –> 00:29:26,060 the last year or so, or one way in which he has really helped Dad in the last year or 358 00:29:26,060 –> 00:29:28,859 so, what would he or she say? 359 00:29:28,859 –> 00:29:32,339 They need to know how the Lord has helped you. 360 00:29:32,339 –> 00:29:37,619 This is a living thing into which you are trying to bring them as you seek to shape 361 00:29:37,900 –> 00:29:39,079 another life. 362 00:29:39,079 –> 00:29:47,920 Now, the more I’ve looked at this, the clearer it’s become that this is a most marvelous 363 00:29:47,939 –> 00:29:52,979 and helpful grid for parenting and for mentoring, isn’t it? 364 00:29:52,979 –> 00:29:55,219 So is there a cost in your life to following Christ? 365 00:29:55,219 –> 00:29:59,819 You’ve got your sufferings, your love, your patients, your way of life, your teaching. 366 00:29:59,819 –> 00:30:01,619 You have all these things to share. 367 00:30:01,619 –> 00:30:06,140 Why are you not seeking to share that with your kids? 368 00:30:06,420 –> 00:30:07,800 Make a plan to do it. 369 00:30:07,800 –> 00:30:09,060 Use this as a grid. 370 00:30:09,060 –> 00:30:14,060 Here are 10 areas of life at least that I would want to bring my children into, bring 371 00:30:14,060 –> 00:30:19,780 my grandchildren into as they grow so that there’s an opportunity of a meaningful life-shaping 372 00:30:19,780 –> 00:30:21,199 relationship. 373 00:30:21,199 –> 00:30:24,939 If you belong to Christ, you have a testimony. 374 00:30:24,939 –> 00:30:26,500 Open that up to your kids. 375 00:30:26,500 –> 00:30:30,260 Bring them on the inside of your Christian life. 376 00:30:30,260 –> 00:30:35,739 That is one of the most marvelous things you can do for them as they grow up into adulthood. 377 00:30:36,540 –> 00:30:38,380 Continue in the faith, Timothy. 378 00:30:38,380 –> 00:30:39,380 Why? 379 00:30:39,380 –> 00:30:43,660 Because you know from whom you have learned it. 380 00:30:43,660 –> 00:30:46,180 You’ve seen it. 381 00:30:46,280 –> 00:30:49,359 You’ve shared it. 382 00:30:49,359 –> 00:30:55,420 You know it from me, you’ve seen it in me. 383 00:30:55,420 –> 00:31:01,400 10 things you would want your children and your grandchildren to know, 10 things that 384 00:31:01,400 –> 00:31:07,880 you would share with someone you’re trying to mentor. 385 00:31:07,880 –> 00:31:10,300 The last thing is simply this. 386 00:31:10,300 –> 00:31:14,439 Some folks at this moment may be feeling discouraged. 387 00:31:14,439 –> 00:31:16,880 And here’s the sort of thing that might be going through your head. 388 00:31:16,880 –> 00:31:21,619 I wish I’d heard this 20 years ago. 389 00:31:21,619 –> 00:31:27,560 What we’ve seen here in the Bible isn’t what my kids saw in me. 390 00:31:27,560 –> 00:31:36,560 And so you look back on what you see as wasted years, a sense of regret over missed opportunities. 391 00:31:36,560 –> 00:31:43,160 So many folks who have come to Christ later in life wish that they had come to Christ 392 00:31:43,160 –> 00:31:49,579 earlier and could have these years back again. 393 00:31:49,579 –> 00:31:53,520 Maybe you read these scriptures and you say, oh, I’d like to be that kind of man. 394 00:31:53,520 –> 00:31:55,099 I’d like to be that kind of woman. 395 00:31:55,099 –> 00:31:56,199 Patience, love, faith. 396 00:31:56,540 –> 00:31:58,739 It sounds great, but I can’t do it. 397 00:31:58,739 –> 00:32:02,459 It’s not in me. 398 00:32:02,459 –> 00:32:04,800 Here’s the very last thing this morning. 399 00:32:04,800 –> 00:32:07,959 Consider the source. 400 00:32:07,959 –> 00:32:13,319 Who’s talking here? 401 00:32:13,319 –> 00:32:25,800 Who is it who’s saying, Timothy you know all about my teaching, my way of life. 402 00:32:25,800 –> 00:32:40,260 He said, Paul, this is the man who was once known for two things, anger and blasphemy. 403 00:32:40,260 –> 00:32:47,839 Check it out, 1 Timothy chapter 1 verse 13, I was a blasphemer, a persecutor, and a violent 404 00:32:47,839 –> 00:32:52,020 man. 405 00:32:52,020 –> 00:32:55,319 But Christ changed him. 406 00:32:56,319 –> 00:33:10,800 And that same Lord Jesus Christ, who changed the angry, blaspheming Saul into the mentor 407 00:33:10,800 –> 00:33:19,859 apostle Paul, that same Christ can change you. 408 00:33:19,859 –> 00:33:29,060 And what your kids didn’t see five or 10 years ago, what they didn’t see last week, 409 00:33:29,060 –> 00:33:33,560 they could begin to see now. 410 00:33:33,560 –> 00:33:39,459 For that Christ can change you. 411 00:33:39,459 –> 00:33:48,560 And those who know you will see the difference. 412 00:33:48,760 –> 00:33:54,920 Believe her testimony of that this morning. 413 00:33:54,920 –> 00:34:01,900 Why should that not be true for you? 414 00:34:01,900 –> 00:34:10,719 Let’s bow in God’s presence in prayer together. 415 00:34:11,139 –> 00:34:31,100 Father, we bow before you as mothers, fathers, grandmothers, grandfathers, mentors, teachers, 416 00:34:31,639 –> 00:34:35,719 every one of us looked to by someone else. 417 00:34:41,560 –> 00:34:45,000 And we want that our life will shape another life. 418 00:34:47,899 –> 00:34:50,800 And we know that that can only happen as you shape us. 419 00:34:54,860 –> 00:34:57,300 Thank you for the power of the risen Christ 420 00:34:57,300 –> 00:35:00,300 to take an angry blasphemer 421 00:35:01,879 –> 00:35:05,379 who was nothing really except destructive 422 00:35:07,699 –> 00:35:10,159 and make him into the kind of man Paul was 423 00:35:10,159 –> 00:35:13,239 who built into the life of a youngster 424 00:35:13,239 –> 00:35:15,699 whose whole life and ministry was shaped 425 00:35:17,100 –> 00:35:19,540 by this mentoring, modeling and example. 426 00:35:19,540 –> 00:35:23,620 Risen Lord Jesus Christ, work by your power in me, 427 00:35:33,000 –> 00:35:36,000 that by your grace I too may live a life 428 00:35:36,000 –> 00:35:39,959 that shapes the life of another, 429 00:35:42,340 –> 00:35:45,520 that the risen Christ and the reality of the Gospel 430 00:35:45,520 –> 00:35:50,419 may be seen in me in a way 431 00:35:50,419 –> 00:35:55,120 that makes someone younger really want to follow. 432 00:35:58,719 –> 00:36:01,639 And we pray that not only as individuals in this moment. 433 00:36:01,639 –> 00:36:06,219 We pray that as a church and we ask 434 00:36:06,219 –> 00:36:10,899 that it will be for your glory in Jesus’ name, 435 00:36:10,899 –> 00:36:13,399 God’s people together said, Amen.

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Colin Smith

Trustee / Founder and Teaching Pastor

Colin Smith is the Senior Pastor of The Orchard Evangelical Free Church in the northwest suburbs of Chicago. He has authored a number of books, including Heaven, How I Got Here and Heaven, So Near – So Far. Colin is the Founder and Teaching Pastor for Open the Bible. Follow him on X formerly Twitter.

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