100:00:00,580 –> 00:00:11,580The first question is, is always, how can I be a better friend to other people? And200:00:11,700 –> 00:00:17,700Proverbs gives us a very simple profile of a true friend.300:00:17,860 –> 00:00:22,100Welcome to Open the Bible with Pastor Colin Smith. I’m David Pick, and I am glad you400:00:22,120 –> 00:00:23,200could join us today.500:00:23,200 –> 00:00:28,160And Colin, as you look back at the friendships you have had, are there certain qualities600:00:28,240 –> 00:00:30,500of friends that stand out to you?700:00:30,500 –> 00:00:37,680I mean, where would we be without our friends? I think of my life and how at key moments800:00:37,680 –> 00:00:43,480that have been most difficult, the presence of a friend, the wisdom of a friend, the wise900:00:43,480 –> 00:00:49,400words and encouragement of a friend have just been life giving for me. And I think well1000:00:49,400 –> 00:00:54,980this a gift from God and where would I have been without this? So I think we’re looking1100:00:55,020 –> 00:01:00,680at a really important and very, very practical subject today and one that God addresses1200:01:00,680 –> 00:01:07,779directly in the Bible, not only how can we have friends but then how can we be better1300:01:07,779 –> 00:01:13,339friends to other people? You think about the blessing of a good friend in your life as1400:01:13,339 –> 00:01:18,980I think about that right now, the blessing of friends in my life. It makes me say how1500:01:18,980 –> 00:01:23,260can I be a better friend to others? How can I give to others what others have given to1600:01:23,260 –> 00:01:28,260me? And of course the best friend, and this is where Proverbs goes with us subject, there1700:01:28,260 –> 00:01:33,379is a friend who sticks closer than a brother and that of course is fulfilled wonderfully1800:01:33,379 –> 00:01:39,620in the Lord Jesus Christ who never fails us, knows us completely, is always present with1900:01:39,620 –> 00:01:44,559us. Well, we want to be more like the Lord Jesus Christ and since he has made us his2000:01:44,559 –> 00:01:48,980friends well, that means that if we are becoming more like him we will be better friends to2100:01:49,040 –> 00:01:55,400other people as well. So join us if you can in Proverbs chapter 27 today as we continue2200:01:55,400 –> 00:02:00,940the message, friends, here is pastor Colin. Now Proverbs commenced to us two particular2300:02:00,940 –> 00:02:06,879ways for guarding good friendships and here we’ll come to at least one other proverb.2400:02:06,879 –> 00:02:10,039You’ll find in the book of Proverbs, if you haven’t discovered this already, some of them2500:02:10,039 –> 00:02:14,699make you smile and some of them are absolutely hilarious and here’s one that might at least2600:02:14,800 –> 00:02:24,500make you smile. Let your foot be seldom in your neighbour’s house, lest he have his fill2700:02:24,500 –> 00:02:29,100of you and hate you.2800:02:29,100 –> 00:02:36,759Now you see what is being said here, be considerate of your friends’ time, the easiest way to2900:02:36,759 –> 00:02:44,320kill a good friendship is to become too demanding. So here is a person who becomes friends with3000:02:44,320 –> 00:02:53,199one of his neighbours, and the problem is that he then overdoes it. He keeps coming3100:02:53,199 –> 00:03:01,000round, and when he does he stays too long. And eventually the neighbour has had enough.3200:03:01,000 –> 00:03:09,699He has, notice, had his fill of you. The bell goes in the neighbour’s house and the neighbour3300:03:10,100 –> 00:03:20,259not again. Always showing up on the doorstep, it is just too much and then the friendship becomes3400:03:20,259 –> 00:03:31,220lost. Book of Proverbs is full of practical wisdom. Now, here’s the point to observe here.3500:03:32,020 –> 00:03:41,699some good news. Isn’t it wonderful that you need never worry about wearing out your welcome with3600:03:41,699 –> 00:03:48,740God? There will never be a time when you will come to the Lord and he’ll say, I’ve had my fill of you.3700:03:51,139 –> 00:03:57,699Charles Bridges says, blessed be God, there is no need for this caution or reserve in our3800:03:57,860 –> 00:04:04,899approach to him. Our earthly friend may be pressed too far. Humankind may be worn out3900:04:04,899 –> 00:04:10,419by frequent use. But never can we come to our heavenly Father too often.4000:04:12,259 –> 00:04:17,299God will always welcome you. All that the Father gives me,4100:04:17,299 –> 00:04:24,660Jesus says, will come to me and whoever comes to me, I will never drive4200:04:24,739 –> 00:04:32,179away. And then in guarding your friendships, we consider it not only in regards to your friend’s4300:04:32,179 –> 00:04:38,579time, but also in regards to your friend’s mood. Look at this from Proverbs 25 and verse 20.4400:04:39,619 –> 00:04:50,179Whoever sings songs to a heavy heart is like one who takes off a garment on a cold day4500:04:51,140 –> 00:04:58,260and like vinegar on soda. Now here we have a marvellous description4600:04:58,260 –> 00:05:04,100of someone who very simply is insensitive to the feelings of other people.4700:05:06,019 –> 00:05:15,459Here’s someone who has a heavy heart. She’s grieving. Or maybe she’s depressed.4800:05:15,459 –> 00:05:23,140And her so-called friend decides to go on a mission to cheer her up.4900:05:24,980 –> 00:05:29,619So she arrives at the house and at the top of her voice as it were she’s singing joy5000:05:29,619 –> 00:05:40,820to the world! Right? And that isn’t going to work so well. Notice the effect. Singing songs5100:05:40,820 –> 00:05:49,619to a heavy heart is like taking off a garment on a cold day. In other words, this will have a5200:05:49,619 –> 00:05:56,660chilling effect on the friendship because the one who has a heavy heart will say,5300:05:56,660 –> 00:06:02,980you have no idea about the reality that I am presently facing. It will create a distance.5400:06:03,220 –> 00:06:10,579So, guard your friendship by being sensitive to the feelings5500:06:10,579 –> 00:06:16,739of others. And more than creating a chill, notice the last thing that’s said in this verse,5600:06:16,739 –> 00:06:23,140it will produce an explosive reaction. It is like vinegar on soda. Now try this one at5700:06:23,140 –> 00:06:29,059home in the kitchen, under supervision, boys and girls, you know. If it’s done in a compressed5800:06:29,140 –> 00:06:35,220environment it really will cause an explosion. You’ll get a reaction. Vinegar on soda.5900:06:36,660 –> 00:06:45,619The point here, of course, is that trying to cheer up by singing hearty songs, the insensitivity of6000:06:45,619 –> 00:06:54,179that, actually aggravates the sorrow of the person who has a heavy heart. It actually makes their6100:06:54,179 –> 00:07:02,739sorrow worse! So, if you want to keep your friends, be sensitive to their time, and be sensitive to6200:07:02,739 –> 00:07:14,899their feelings. Weep with those who weep. Rejoice with those who rejoice. Now how wonderful it is6300:07:14,899 –> 00:07:21,380then, that our Lord Jesus Christ knows us completely. Think about this. And for anyone6400:07:21,459 –> 00:07:29,380who has a heavy heart, try and take this in, the Lord Jesus Christ knows what it is to have a6500:07:29,380 –> 00:07:38,019heavy heart. Try and take this in. In the garden of Gethsemane, he was sorrowful to the point of6600:07:38,019 –> 00:07:46,260death. So, if you are overwhelmed by the sense of a heavy heart today, the Lord Jesus Christ6700:07:46,260 –> 00:07:50,739is the best friend you can have, because he understands and knows you completely. He’s6800:07:50,739 –> 00:08:02,899been there. He is touched with the feeling of our infirmities. So, guard your friendships6900:08:02,899 –> 00:08:10,500by being considerate. And then, the other thing that Proverbs says to us repeatedly is guard7000:08:10,500 –> 00:08:17,619your friendships by being discreet. Two Proverbs here, first chapter 16 and verse 28,7100:08:17,619 –> 00:08:24,899a dishonest man spreads strife and a whisperer separates close friends.7200:08:25,859 –> 00:08:32,580And then very similar chapter 17 and verse 9, whoever covers an offense seeks love. What a7300:08:32,580 –> 00:08:40,979beautiful statement, that is. Whoever covers an offense seeks love but he who repeats a matter,7400:08:41,059 –> 00:08:50,260again, notice, separates close friends. So notice what separates close friends. Now7500:08:50,260 –> 00:08:56,900remember by definition a close friend is someone who has opened their heart up to you,7600:08:58,659 –> 00:09:04,419given you access into the deeper thoughts and feelings of their own heart.7700:09:04,580 –> 00:09:12,000There’s a trust that is involved in that relationship. They have given you this access.7800:09:12,000 –> 00:09:20,859And nothing kills the trust on which friendship is based more quickly than repeating to others7900:09:20,859 –> 00:09:30,200what was given in private conversation by your friend to you. Honor the trust of what was spoken8000:09:30,380 –> 00:09:37,299to you by a friend in private. So how can you have good friends? You must seek them8100:09:37,299 –> 00:09:44,299intentionally. You must choose them wisely. And you must guard the friendships that God8200:09:45,159 –> 00:09:48,599has given to you very carefully.8300:09:48,599 –> 00:09:53,280We’ve got to pause The Message briefly there but we’ll be back very shortly so please8400:09:53,280 –> 00:09:59,000do stay with us. Our message today is called Friends and it’s part of a series Wisdom8500:09:59,039 –> 00:10:04,239for Life, and if you’ve ever missed one of the series or you have to leave early today8600:10:04,239 –> 00:10:11,239you can always go back and listen to them again on-line at our website openthebible.org.uk.8700:10:11,700 –> 00:10:15,440Back to The Message now here again is Pastor Colin.8800:10:15,440 –> 00:10:20,219Now more briefly here’s the second thing that I want us to draw from Proverbs today and8900:10:20,219 –> 00:10:26,640it’s this question, how you can be a true friend. You read these things in Proverbs9000:10:26,799 –> 00:10:33,799and you say well how good a friend am I? How can I become a better friend to other people?9100:10:35,520 –> 00:10:42,479I could of course have framed this as what you should look for in the friendship of others9200:10:42,479 –> 00:10:49,479but the reality is that what we want to receive from others we have to be able to give ourselves.9300:10:50,039 –> 00:10:55,719And so the first question is is always how can i be a better friend9400:10:56,840 –> 00:11:04,440to other people? And Proverbs gives us a very simple profile of the true friend.9500:11:05,880 –> 00:11:13,000Let me point this out to you first you can be a true friend by your presence, your presence,9600:11:13,039 –> 00:11:23,320chapter 27 and verse 10. Do not forsake your friend and your father’s friend and do not go9700:11:23,320 –> 00:11:30,599to your brother’s house in the day of your calamity. Better is a neighbor who is near9800:11:30,599 –> 00:11:41,000than a brother who is far away. Now the contrast here notice is between a neighbor who is near9900:11:41,719 –> 00:11:48,599and a brother who is far away. The word neighbor and the word friend in Proverbs10000:11:48,599 –> 00:11:54,599are often interchangeable they’re different translations of the same Hebrew word. So the10100:11:54,599 –> 00:12:02,599contrast is between a neighbor or friend who is near to you and a brother who is far from you.10200:12:03,960 –> 00:12:08,679And the point of the proverb very simply is that when the day of calamity comes when you’re in10300:12:08,760 –> 00:12:16,039trouble you can’t simply show up at your brother’s house if all you have is a very remote or distant10400:12:16,039 –> 00:12:23,479relationship with him. What you have to do is cultivate friends who are near.10500:12:23,880 –> 00:12:32,280They’re the ones to whom you can go in the day of trouble and these friends may be old friends10600:12:32,280 –> 00:12:36,599your father’s friends of course by definition would be folks you have known and have been10700:12:36,599 –> 00:12:42,440interested in you since early years in your life or they may be newer friends that you have made10800:12:42,440 –> 00:12:49,159in your own adult life but the friends who are near and they may include family of course but10900:12:49,159 –> 00:12:53,640the point is the people who are near the people to whom you have opened your heart the people you11000:12:53,640 –> 00:13:02,440walk with they are the ones who will be there for you when the day of trouble comes11100:13:02,760 –> 00:13:11,479a good friend here’s the first mark of a good friend a true friend will be present in times11200:13:11,479 –> 00:13:18,919of trouble there for you there for you which reminds me of the wonderful statement about our11300:13:18,919 –> 00:13:31,479lord in psalm 46 god is our refuge and our strength and ever-present help in times of11400:13:32,440 –> 00:13:39,479trouble you become a good friend by being present and especially when things are hard11500:13:39,479 –> 00:13:46,679second you can be a good friend by your words chapter 27 and verse nine oil and perfume11600:13:46,679 –> 00:13:55,719make the heart glad and the sweetness of a friend notice that the sweetness of a friend comes11700:13:56,599 –> 00:14:06,359from his earnest counsel in other words the joy the blessing the sweetness of a really good friend11800:14:06,359 –> 00:14:14,840is that you have confidence that this person will always do you good that the words that come from11900:14:14,840 –> 00:14:22,200this person will always build you up you see this in the marvelous friendship between jonathan and12000:14:22,200 –> 00:14:29,080david where we’re told that jonathan strengthened david’s hand in the lord that’s what a true friend12100:14:29,080 –> 00:14:40,760does strengthens his hand in the lord now because the true friend who always speaks to do you good12200:14:40,760 –> 00:14:46,840that’s his or her sweetness that’s why it’s a joy to be with them you speak heart to heart12300:14:47,080 –> 00:14:55,159you’re always helped by it because this friend has deep access into your life12400:14:56,119 –> 00:15:03,159this friend is able to tell you things that others would not and could not say12500:15:04,679 –> 00:15:12,039and that’s why we read from chapter 27 and verse 6 faithful are the wounds of a friend12600:15:12,039 –> 00:15:20,500because when this friend speaks to you, even if he or she says something uncomfortable and hard12700:15:20,500 –> 00:15:27,080for you to hear, you know that this person always speaks with love in their heart and12800:15:27,080 –> 00:15:33,020always seeks your best interest and when they speak words that wound,12900:15:33,020 –> 00:15:35,900it is always to heal13000:15:36,799 –> 00:15:41,000You know, we are living in a time, you really13100:15:41,000 –> 00:15:48,159don’t need me to tell you this, where more and more across our culture people are choosing13200:15:48,159 –> 00:15:56,419only to listen to what they want to hear. And we are seeing in our time, one of the13300:15:56,419 –> 00:16:04,559distinctives of our time is the emergence of what are described as safe spaces.13400:16:04,719 –> 00:16:10,440And the reason surely that this has become so prominent in our society is that the world13500:16:10,440 –> 00:16:16,979has become so angry. Now friends, this is the world in which we13600:16:16,979 –> 00:16:26,539live and in such a world it is very easy, even for Christian people, to filter out from13700:16:26,539 –> 00:16:36,219the Bible what we do not want to hear. And you know what, if you do that, if you filter13800:16:36,219 –> 00:16:41,659out from the Bible what you do not want to hear, all you’re left with in the Bible is13900:16:41,659 –> 00:16:54,659an echo of your own voice. And you know what you lose? You lose the friendship of Jesus.14000:16:54,659 –> 00:17:00,979You lose the sweetness of One who loves you and is so close to you that you would allow14100:17:00,979 –> 00:17:07,280Him to speak into your life even when it hurts because you know He loves you in such a way14200:17:07,280 –> 00:17:14,819that even when His Word hurts, it is always to heal. You can be a good friend by your14300:17:14,819 –> 00:17:23,060presence. You can be a good friend by your word. You can be a good friend by your love.14400:17:23,760 –> 00:17:24,920Verse 17,14500:17:24,920 –> 00:17:34,859A friend loves at all times. And a brother is born for adversity.14600:17:34,859 –> 00:17:41,339So, here, by the way, we have a brother who’s not far away. Here’s a brother who really14700:17:41,339 –> 00:17:45,979is a true friend. You can go to him therefore in time of calamity.14800:17:46,099 –> 00:17:55,599He loves at all times. And he is born for adversity.14900:17:55,599 –> 00:18:05,819So how can you be a true friend? By your presence, by your words, and by the consistency of your15000:18:05,819 –> 00:18:12,859love. You love at all times. Now, you say how can I become that kind of15100:18:13,380 –> 00:18:23,739friend to other people? If you are to become that kind of friend to others, you need someone who15200:18:23,739 –> 00:18:31,839will be that kind of friend to you. And if you walk with him, you will become like him.15300:18:31,839 –> 00:18:38,859And that is why you should seek the best friend. And this is the last thing today. Let’s come back15400:18:38,859 –> 00:18:48,079to Proverbs chapter 18 and verse 24. There is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.15500:18:48,079 –> 00:18:57,359The Lord Jesus Christ is the best friend you can ever have. A true friend is present, and15600:18:57,359 –> 00:19:05,520the Lord Jesus Christ will always be with you. Jesus Christ is the only person in all15700:19:05,579 –> 00:19:14,760of the world who can say to you, I will never leave you. I will never forsake you. I will15800:19:14,760 –> 00:19:26,699be with you always. Your best friend in this world may say to you, I will love you until15900:19:26,900 –> 00:19:33,900death parts us. Jesus says to you, I will love you, and death will never part us. He will16000:19:38,280 –> 00:19:45,280always be present, and when he is done being present with you here, you will be present16100:19:45,420 –> 00:19:52,420with him there. And a true friend brings sweet counsel.16200:19:53,260 –> 00:20:00,260Oh, the words of the Lord Jesus are so sweet. When lots of people were leaving Jesus, and16300:20:02,540 –> 00:20:09,540lots of people are moving away from Jesus today, for sure, Jesus said to his disciples,16400:20:09,979 –> 00:20:16,859what about you? Do you want to go away, too? And you remember what Peter replied to that,16500:20:16,859 –> 00:20:23,859and said Lord, to whom shall we go? Only you have the words of eternal life. That’s why16600:20:26,060 –> 00:20:32,099you want Jesus as your friend. Not only will he be with you always, but the sweetness of16700:20:32,099 –> 00:20:39,099his friendship is that he brings you into life itself. And Jesus is the friend who will16800:20:39,760 –> 00:20:46,760love you at all times and never let you go. He says I have loved you with an everlasting16900:20:50,040 –> 00:20:56,579love. Think about this, he’s loved you with an everlasting love. That means that before17000:20:56,579 –> 00:21:03,579the world was created, he knew that one day you would be and he loved you even then. And17100:21:04,119 –> 00:21:09,500then, and he will love you forever. His love has no beginning and his love has no end.17200:21:09,500 –> 00:21:16,500It is eternal. As God himself is eternal the steadfast love of the Lord never ceases. His17300:21:19,020 –> 00:21:26,000mercies never come to an end. They are new every morning. Great is your faithfulness17400:21:26,000 –> 00:21:33,000O, Lord, great is your faithfulness so consider, friends, what a friend Jesus can be to you.17500:21:35,040 –> 00:21:39,300It was love that caused him to come into the world in order to take his stand with us in17600:21:39,300 –> 00:21:46,300our adversity. He came from far in order to bring us near and to make us his friends.17700:21:47,339 –> 00:21:53,359It was love that caused him to take our human flesh, to enter into even what it means to17800:21:53,359 –> 00:22:00,359have the heavy heart, and then to go all the way to the cross in order to give his life.17900:22:01,420 –> 00:22:08,420For greater love has no one than this, than that a man should lay down his life for his18000:22:10,780 –> 00:22:17,780friends, for his friends. And now in heaven he intercedes for you, which means that you18100:22:17,979 –> 00:22:24,979have unrestricted access. He will never wear out your welcome with God. So I say to you18200:22:31,760 –> 00:22:38,760today, open your life most fully to the friend you can trust most deeply. And here’s the18300:22:40,380 –> 00:22:47,380thing, the deeper your friendship with Jesus becomes, the more like Jesus you will be.18400:22:48,219 –> 00:22:55,219Whoever walks with the wise becomes wise, whoever walks with Jesus becomes like Jesus.18500:22:57,420 –> 00:23:04,420There is a friend who loves at all times, a friend who sticks closer than a brother18600:23:08,260 –> 00:23:12,859and his name. He’s Jesus.18700:23:13,380 –> 00:23:19,619Professor Colin Smith there, wrapping up the message, all about friends from Proverbs chapter 27.18800:23:20,020 –> 00:23:25,099It’s part of our series, Wisdom for Life, and if you ever missed one of the messages in the series,18900:23:25,300 –> 00:23:32,540it’s easy to catch up, or go back and listen again, by coming online to our website openthebible.org.uk19000:23:33,099 –> 00:23:37,300or go to your favorite podcast site and search there for Open the Bible UK.19100:23:37,420 –> 00:23:41,579There you’ll find all the messages which have already gone out on air.19200:23:41,619 –> 00:23:46,500As many listeners will know Open The Bible is supported by our listeners financially,19300:23:46,780 –> 00:23:50,020and if you already give to support our work, thank you so much.19400:23:50,660 –> 00:23:54,300This month when you begin to support Open The Bible for the first time,19500:23:54,540 –> 00:23:57,300we’d love to thank you by sending you a free gift.19600:23:57,660 –> 00:24:00,579Here’s Open The Bible’s Amanda Cunningham to tell us about it.19700:24:00,660 –> 00:24:01,619Hi David.19800:24:01,739 –> 00:24:07,219This month at Open The Bible we are giving away Pastor Colin Smith’s brand new19900:24:07,219 –> 00:24:10,14030 day devotional — Grow in Faith.20000:24:10,579 –> 00:24:13,939It’s a practical and encouraging journey through Scripture,20100:24:14,260 –> 00:24:18,739helping readers deepen their trust in God and grow stronger in faith through20200:24:18,739 –> 00:24:19,699everyday life.20300:24:20,180 –> 00:24:25,180Colin explores what Jesus called little faith and shows how we can become20400:24:25,260 –> 00:24:27,180more confident in God’s promises,20500:24:27,540 –> 00:24:30,420even in the middle of challenges and uncertainty.20600:24:30,979 –> 00:24:35,060We would love to send you a copy as a thank you for supporting the ministry20700:24:35,300 –> 00:24:36,260Well,20800:24:47,979 –> 00:24:50,219we’d love to send you Pastor Colin’s new book.20900:24:50,420 –> 00:24:53,119When you begin to support Open the Bible this month.21000:24:54,140 –> 00:24:56,579Full terms and conditions can be found on our website.21100:24:57,020 –> 00:25:01,819That’s at openthebible.org.uk and you can give online.21200:25:02,699 –> 00:25:05,540For Open the Bible and Pastor Colin Smith,21300:25:05,540 –> 00:25:10,619I’m David Pick and I hope you’ll be able to join us again next time.21400:25:16,459 –> 00:25:19,459Proverbs has a lot to say to brothers and sisters,21500:25:19,459 –> 00:25:22,099and to husbands and wives.21600:25:22,099 –> 00:25:25,579That’s next time on Open the Bible.